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Sat on the Bed
Silent Reflections, memorialisations.
As we sat on the bed, just sitting on the edge of the bed. There was nothing we could say, nothing I could say to lessen the blunt force trauma our lives had received. Love was still in the air, I knew that much but grief was taking up space in the atmosphere too. So, we just sat. I knew she would talk when she needed to and while I needed to talk too, now was not the time. Now was the time for silent reflect and memorialising to the life that was lost. Now was the time to sit in the grief and let it wash over us. There is no point trying to hold back the tears or the anger. We are not a dam that can hold back a surge from the river. We could try, but if we did, we would just build up the force and strength of the grief.
So, we just sat. I could feel that sense of emptiness in her, one that I knew too well myself.
As we sat there, I know she was thinking the same as me, the burden, the weight of responsibility, the pain that we were both carrying. The pain caused by our loss. But there was more. Within that pain and burden, was the fact that we would face renewed sense of guilt, responsibility and pain every face we saw following the tragedy. That is what it was - a tragedy, a living nightmare. The worst thing, at that moment in time, either of us could ever imagine happening to another couple.
We knew that so many people will say the same thing. When we eventually face them and start letting others into our lives, into our grief.
That it's not our fault. That it's something that happens, often with no rhyme or reason. Well-meaning people with well-meaning words.
We know that we have discussed this many times. We have cried so many times, shouting at the world, at the heavens in uncontrollable sadness and rage.
As well-meaning as those words people will undoubtedly share with us are, they are not really what we want or need.
In our collective silence as we sit, close enough to each other to be present for one another, but offering enough space for us to express ourselves as quietly or loudly as necessary, we both know what we hope and want to happen when we face people.
We want to remember her. Our little treasure.
Her life was taken so swiftly, without warning. But even in her unborn state, that heart beating on a monitor. Her's was a life full of potential. Full of her own potential loves, losses, successes and failures. That we would never experience. But she was still her. I know that we both never want to forget that. Remembering one of the best things that happened to us, despite the loss it brought us, is better than pretending it never happened. For three beautiful months, the world felt a whole lot more positive. That is worth celebrating.
As we sat on the bed, just sitting on the edge of the bed. There was nothing we could say. I was lost and empty. I knew he was hurting too, and he was trying to carry my pain and his and although he was a strong man, I could feel the brokenness. In the way he looked at me. No blame or shame, but just pain, unadulterated pain. I had to believe we would get past this and smile again. But right now, as we sat on the edge of the bed, just sitting, smiles seemed so far off. The last time we smiled, and belly laughed was when the test came back positive. That sheer, unadulterated joy that we both shared in that moment will always stay with me, stay with us. Truthfully, we had been strong and happy long before a little piss test told us our devoted duo was going to become a triumphant trio.
Change is never easy, and we both admitted that we were scared, even if only indirectly, excited, overjoyed, but scared shitless at this change, or that change that was never to be. We still trip up when speaking about her, in the present tense, rather than the past tense.
So, we just sat. My hand in his, his arm around mine. We would get through it, we would move forward. But not today. Today, we just sat. Sat together on the edge of the bed, in our grief. We didn't need to say what we both felt. We knew what we both felt. I... she would never forget her. Never forget our wonderful little miracle of life that was never to be.
As the tears flowed from our eyes, and our mouths curled into the faintest of smiles, every so often, just for a few moments, fleetingly, we just sat. Sat on the edge of the bed.
*
Thanks for reading!
Author's Notes: Another entry into the Unspoken Challenge, which you can read more about here:
I apologise for the sadness, but I felt it was a story worth telling when it came to me. I shed a few tears writing it.
I appreciate all interactions and feedback and support.
Here are a few other pieces:
You can also take a look at the rest of my work here.
Thank you again for your continued support!
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Scottish-Italian poet/writer from Glasgow.
Overflowing in English language torture and word abuse.
"Every man has a sane spot somewhere" R.L Stevenson
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection is now available!
https://paulspoeticprints.etsy.com
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Masterful proofreading
Zero grammar & spelling mistakes
Comments (28)
Poignant and emotional. The pacing and introspection were beautifully done. πAnneliese
Awesome take on the challenge! Very sad indeed! And congrats on your Top Story!
I am sobbing like a muppet. So poignantly and beautifully done x Heatwrenching though it is, a story that needs telling more π€
Beautifully written piece, very personal and profound. β€οΈβπ©Ή
This is very sad. Iβm not sure what to sayβ¦ this is sad!
Wow, Paul, this is poignant, and handled with such a gentle hand. Seems we're on a similar wavelength yet again. :) I love that you switch perspectives; adds to the conversational aspect of the challenge, yet gives the couple a team-like feel, rather than one of growing distance due to the tragedy. This must have been so hard to write; this subject is fraught with emotions. Well done and congrats on TS!
Yayyyyy congratulations on your Top Story! ππππππ
I want to ask personal questions, but perhaps not the sphere. But I thought your portrayal of the reality and potency of simply sitting with grief was really good.
Wow...that went deep. π
Paul this is so heartbreaking and such an untold perspective! I liked that you shifted perspectives and showed both sides of it! This was tragically beautiful and so well written! Great work and congrats on Top Story!
Read through tears. There is a lump in my throat!!! Congratulations. Paul!!!πβ€οΈβ€οΈ
Woah. This was so beautiful, Paul. Absolutely brilliant job. Great work showing both perspectives. I know this pain too well, and you captured it perfectly. ππ«
Iβve written and read many stories in miscarriage, and this is the first written by a man that includes a womanβs point of view. Well done, and well told.
Paul, this is very moving. Simply told but so on point. And I should know. A beautiful story and well deserved TS.
Congratulations on Top Story!!
Heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time. Congrats on the TS.
So thankful this got TS so more people can read and empathize ... this profoundly poignant moment of just sitting with the grief, together.
I can empathize with every line of this. My wife, we, had a miscarriage years back. Despite the fact that we already had two children when that tragedy occurred, it still hurt⦠horribly. We grieved for the life, the love, the togetherness we had lost. Even now, thirty-one years later, I still think of the bundle of joy we never got to hold, touch, pamper, love, discipline, and raise. Great job. Congratulations on TS.
Congratulations on your Top Story, well deserved
Very poignantly written and executed with a very powerful voice and relatable tone
Yeah, Buddy! Congratulations on Top Story! Well deserved, for sure!
I shed a few tears while reading it. Beautifully & sensitively written. The world wants us to move on. We know that a part of us never will.
such a great, tough read. appreciate you and how you were able to put this to words.
Ah, such a sad story to read and to live through. You portrayed those moments with tenderness and care. Well done :)
The fact that you cried while writing this break my heart more than the story. I loved that you gave us the POV of both him and her. Loved your story π©π₯