Reflections after the end

The irony of it wasn’t lost on me. Our whole existence we have been looking for cheap solutions to expensive problems. Well, one of those cheap and easy solutions had unintended consequences. We were so arrogant and self-absorbed that we really thought we could solve these systemic problems with half measures. At this point in our species social and biological development, the power we unleashed was almost God like. We were like children playing with our parent’s gun. We destroyed ourselves and no one seemed to be able to identify why until after the fact. We had no conceptualization of the possibility that this action could have cataclysmic consequences, but; in truth, we never really considered the consequences seriously. It is now clear to me that Homo sapiens learned to walk upright before they learned to think upright. My name is Major Paul Penshire of the former United States Army, and this is my confession.

It was the dumbest thing we could have possibly done. No, the dumbest thing we could have done was think we could control the power of God. We knew that this had the potential to be 1,000 times more destructive than a hydrogen bomb, but 1 million? The hard part of all this is that our solution did solve all of our society’s problems. I’ve been pondering questions like this one since my last contact with civilization. Oh sure, there are other survivors. I estimate around 1 to 2 million on the North American continent alone but they aren’t really human anymore. In reality, if you were anywhere within 100 clicks of a body of water, fault line, or geological phenomena; you probably weren’t going to make it. It’s been 3 years since it happened and the only ones left are the ones who were willing to shed their humanity and resort to…..well, they resorted to something that I have not yet been forced to yet.

I was lucky, I managed to make it to a preset shelter that was loaded down with supplies. Where I was not lucky was companionship. There is no one else here with me and haven’t found any one that I can justify letting in. I haven’t found anyone other than the scavengers and I would be very uncomfortable around them if the food supply ever ran out. I remember my time in the middle east and how I wished I could have any time to myself, now I only wish for someone that won’t try to murder me for food. Once the supplies ran out, I had to hit the road. Respirators are also becoming scarcer, but I had enough.

Traveling the wasteland that used to be my home, I don’t even recognize the landscape anymore. I’m pretty sure that I’m somewhere in the Appalachian mountain chain but there is a massive pass that was carved out by a lava flow that I swear wasn’t there the last time I walked this trail. Mole Hill and Trimble Knob don’t appear to be “extinct” anymore. I’m pretty sure that half of California has been reclaimed by rising sea levels and the other half is just simply gone. Erased by time in fast-forward like watching a man die from radiation poisoning.

NYC is gone, well it’s still there but you need gills to live there. I think the thing that I miss most is baseball. Florida has lost quite a bit of girth as well, however, it looks really nice now that the last 400 years of “improvements,” have been erased. I almost expect the Natives to emerge from the swamp and welcome me to the end of my nightmare. It’s amazing what simple water and fire can do. I oftentimes wonder if we “progressed” prior to really understanding them. We split the Atom and immediately turned it into a weapon. The funny thing is that it wasn’t even the nukes that started the fires. I think we are going to find out if Carl Sagan was really right about his theories on nuclear winter and it wasn’t even the nukes. How about that!

I came across a home in the middle of nowhere. It looked like it had been erected after the event as a shelter. It had nothing in it other than the owner and this journal you are reading next to a red heart shaped locket. The locket was broken….and so was the owner. I buried her. It was the worst thing I had ever had to do in my life. If only I had come through that way first, I may have made a friend.

There is a beautiful green spot of land in what used to be Nebraska that reminded me of that red heart shaped locket I found a while back while scavenging. It was a very popular area because it was around 80,000 acres of farmable and livable area but nobody can get to it. The earthquakes created canyons around it and there isn’t anyone left who knows how to build a bridge. I’m sorry, but that’s funny. For want of a horseshoe nail, as they say, right? The shape of the canyons are almost in the shape of that broken red heart shaped locket. Only instead of a locket protecting an old worn out photograph, it protects the still beating heart of our mother-the one we tried to murder with our childish carelessness. I wonder if she will ever forgive us and invite us back home.

P.S.

I don’t think I can make it much further alone. If anyone reads this, please bury my remains and take the journal and the red heart shaped locket. Their journeys don’t deserve to end with me. There is also food in the panty as compensation. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you represent the best of humanity. I’m sorry that we couldn’t.

(Also, this is my first entry on this site so I don't know if I am doing this right. I made it dark and I hope it is appropriate. Thanks.)