Recurring Lifetimes

Flora stood over her daughter Keilia’s casket and sighed. The onlookers were starting to disperse to their cars. For this funeral, she wore a yellow flowy dress. Her chin hit the lacing on the top of the dress. She looked down at the dirt slowly falling around the casket. No one knew her daughter's remains had been cremated. She only did the showy “funeral thing” because her daughter had been involved in the community. She had always been involved in the community.

“Flora”?

She immediately knew the voice that called to her like she’d made it herself. She’d heard that voice many times before, but they had no idea how tired she was of hearing it.

“I’m okay.” Flora had said that a million times it seemed. Steven was always a great partner to her. Their frequent lovemaking would always produce love. It has produced her daughter, their daughter many times.

“I know you say you are okay baby, but I need you to grieve properly. If you need to scream, go ahead.”

Annoyed Flora waved Steven off. “Then let me grieve, alone.”

“It’s just-

“Steven, I promise you will love the way I grieve when we are alone tonight. As of right now, I am okay and would like to be alone.”

With a raised eyebrow, Steven walked towards the car.

Flora raised her chin towards the sun and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. She wasn’t grieving. She had done that already. Many, many times. She was fed up. Her daughter had done nothing but somehow living a short life was the hand that keeps on giving.

Throughout centuries Flora endured the pain of seeing her only child die in every way possible. It wasn’t until her 500th lifetime that she had evolved enough to remember the patterns. Her partner at the time, Umbacha, her name was Denory, notice that she had gone into depression over losing their daughter. He took her to the village Healer to subscribe her something to ease her pain and help her move on. Umbacha was ready to move on have more children.

The village Healer asked to see her alone. Umbacha was a little resistant, but he wanted Denory to be well again. Denory was full of life and the village people loved her. She was always helpful and insightful when it came to motivating others. After Beynai was killed by a herd of stray livestock, Denory lost all enthusiasm with life. Umbacha thought it would pass but after 5 years, Denory had secluded herself to just staying in the house and had little contact with anyone.

Their dinners were long and filled with silence. Umbacha loved the sound of his wife’s laughter but that was all but a memory. She no longer slept with him. She would stay up during the night and sit by the window just staring at the spot she last saw Beynai. There had to be a way to heal her mind and most importantly her heart.

Umbacha suggested that they have more children, but Denory wasn’t having it. She was scared those children would suffer the same fate. Even though they made love from time to time. Denory had shut off her reproductive system with the will of loss. She would speak to her womb right after intercourse and tell it not to produce a child. She had learned how to communicate with her body by the teaching of the elders. A woman carries the power of the portal to bring life. They had the power to close the portal.

The village healer could feel the heaviness and sorrow that Denory carried with her daily. Denory had been avoiding the healer. She didn’t want to be healed. Something about how she felt was very familiar and safe to her, but she didn’t know why. Grief being comforting was ridiculous, but Denory found it comforting.

“Grief is an emotion that must not cause you to attach to it, Denory,” the Healer said

Great, she can read minds.

“You are at a point where you must choose at the moment to follow the path of healing. Then you will be released from this cycle of for eternity.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about. I lost my daughter in a horrific accident. She didn’t deserve to die like that.”

She never deserves to transition the way she wants. Each time it happens, she is attached to the life that brings what she wants the most again and in different ways.”

“You are not making sense.”

“Don’t worry, you will see her again.”

“Why are you mocking my grief healer?”

“Funny how people forget your name and call you by your purpose. I do not mock you. I am a messenger for you in this lifetime. As you evolve through your, in time you will begin to understand, then find the answer to your ascension. As for now, you are at the beginning of knowing.”

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One year after Keilia’s funeral, Flora found herself in a familiar situation. Her one night of grieving with her husband turned into 3 months of indulgent activities. Anywhere there was a dark corner, Flora and Steven could be found bringing forth their primal desires. They took a brief trip to Mexico and “broke in” every private and semi-private spot they could find. She smirked at her massive pregnant belly.

“Here we go again”, Flora muttered. Today was a great day to go and speak with a respected Reader she knew through some friends. Even though Flora knew her fate she wanted to find out how she could change it.

Steven was her Umbacha and Denory’s lifetime was over 2000 years ago. He was more understanding of what was going on. After all, he agreed to live in their revolving door of finding the why in this mess of multiple lives. He remembered their past lives starting about 1500 years ago. After his first awakening experience, we knew every lifetime going forward where and when they would meet. Where the barn owl’s nest.

There was no specific place, but they knew based on the time of year and the region we were in. They would find the owls and each other.

In their current lifetime, they were 15 when they connected. On that night they conceived Keila under the barn owl's nest. They didn’t waste time because they knew if they didn’t get it right this time, their daughter would die earlier than in previous lifetimes.

That time has come. Even though Flora knew what was happening the sting of losing her never truly went away. This time she felt that she had the right tools and mindset to set them all free from the wheel of suffering.

“Flora Daniels, it is so nice to meet an ancient one”. The reader greeted me with a familiar spirit.

“I don’t know if you remember me, but I was your midwife in a few of your lifetimes.”

Flora smiled. “I hope we can get this process of what they call “Life” going. I am done and want this cycle to end.”

“Well, then you are the only one that knows how to do that, and I suspect we will be out of here in no time.”

I really hope so, Flora thought.

“It has been two hours and I am still stumped on how to save my daughter!” Flora had become restless and irritated. The reader took off her glasses and leaned in close to Flora.

“Are you done?”

“Yes! I am done”!

“No, you are not done. If you were then you would have the answer to your 9 millennials of problems”.

“Don’t mock me!

The Reader stood to her feet and changed into the Healer from her first awakening lifetime. Flora was not alarmed because she had seen everything that could be imagined during her many lifetimes.

“Flora! You have been so busy with your head lifted that you have not been able to see the ground beneath you”.

“Are you saying that because I was always looking for the future that I didn’t enjoy the present?”

"Your daughter soul's mission was to feel loved, supported, and have the love and attention of a mother. Your mission was to give this to a daughter. Because she did not get what she desired your daughter decided the way she would exist the body every time because you would always attract death by focusing on the future. Your need to save her turned into the fear that overtook the love your daughter wanted.”

So, it has been that simple these whole life cycles? Flora was sick to her stomach. She had fallen into the trap of humanity at its deepest. She could see why her daughter died younger and younger because as she grew older Flora became more restrictive. All her daughter wanted to do was live. All Flora wanted to was live.

Flora finally realized that her daughter was unable to enjoy life and chose to expire herself time and time again so that she would hopefully experience what she needed to evolve in another lifetime. Flora had to begin to live in the moment and not in fear of losing her daughter who represented herself.