Recent Contacts

I'm not a slut, ok? Until recently, I'd only had one sexual partner. I was with Ellis for six years. Summer is the best time to break up. If you're in your early twenties, anyway. I had one slutty summer, alright? It wasn't even that many guys. I could count them on the fingers of one hand. If the thumb's a finger. Then came Troy. I knew he wasn't the one but I did like him. I felt safe with him. We'd known each other ages. We got into some kinky stuff, group sex, that kind of thing. That pushed my count up a bit. Some sex-positive folks are probably bristling reading this, but it's relevant. Because, see, I now have the unenviable task of contacting all my sexual partners. It started last week. Yes, in bed, if you must know. We were having some problems. Not something I've ever said before. And to be clear, I don't mean it's happened and I didn't admit it. I mean, its never happened. I assumed those kinds of problems only affected losers and old people. People who had been married for hundreds of years. Not twenty-somethings who weren't even in a relationship, they were just hot for each other. Listen, I'll just come out and say it. He couldn't get it in.

I was mortified. "Is it too tight or something?" I asked him. I grinned, sheepish. He frowned. "No... It's like there's something in the way... You didn't forget a tampon or something did you?" He was already wilting. (My mortification increased the more he shrunk.) "Of course not," I was irritated now, my desire dissipating as well. (Oh god, we might as well be married, half dead. Isn't this what happens?) I reached down to investigate, and he was right... there was something in there. I tried to get a grip on it, but I couldn't find its edges, whatever it was. It filled me perfectly. I debated whether to go to hospital, get seen as an emergency. But it wasn't actually painful. There was no smell. I opted to make an appointment.

There I sat, with the doctor peering over his glasses at me. "You appear, Miss Elms, to have a penis inside you."

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Word count: 366

(NB. This excludes the title, subtitle, and author's note.)

Submitted on Monday 7th October at 18:27

Disclaimer: Any similarity to any person alive or dead is purely coincidental. Ha ha.

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