Questioning Utopia - Part II

After spending a very long week cleaning, sorting, and tidying, Gil was finally settled in; and, with a temporary plank covering the hole in her floor, ready for her return to school. The first day back always took place on Conformity Day and she lay awake like any other Seventeen year-old considering the possibilities of how it might go. She had spent her week trying to bury the multitude of questions Josephine’s diary had forged within her mind, but in mulling over the events of the following day, it occurred to Gil that tomorrow’s impending celebrations would take place on the anniversary of the Perdita’s death. Gil found herself overwhelmed by an invasive, anxious feeling. No matter how hard she tried to think about something, anything else, it would not dissipate.

With a big sigh she got up from her bed, turned on the victorian reading lamp on her nightstand, and after retrieving her box of haunting treasures, tied up her long mousey-brown hair, slid her glasses back onto her nose, and began to reread Josephine’s bleak diary entry. This confirmed her new-found questions about the world, she could no longer ignore them. Her view of the society in which she lived was changing and she felt there would be no going back. As she sat with crossed legs upon her bed, she reflected on how Conformity Day used to be her absolute favourite. Yet now she faced it filled with dread and confusion, wondering how she would feel hearing the history retold after her catalytic change in perspective. This was no use in producing any kind of resolution for Gil and after a good half-an-hour she turned out the light and began a short and disrupted night’s sleep.

Gil’s Journey to school was the same as that of any other student. Easy and boring. She would wait inside her doorway until the shuttle arrived and then make her way straight to her seat, looking only at the ground in front of her. Today however, she noticed how this made her neck ache and thought how pointless it seemed. It was what everybody else did, but why? Despite her dubiety Gil was not brave enough to look up, planting two seeds of guilt in her mind. One for ignoring the itching desire to gaze at her surroundings and the other for even thinking about breaking the rules. As she sat gazing at the blackened window next to her seat, she pushed these thoughts away and took a few deep breaths hoping that no-one would notice a change in her. Once they had arrived at her school all students departed the shuttle in an orderly single file. Here they were allowed to look, encouraged even, to admire the great wall their Great Leader had built around the grounds. It towered over Gil. At this moment she felt another new question forming in her mind, what could be so incredibly dangerous on the other side that a 50ft wall was required for their protection? Again, her cowardice won over her curiosity and she kept her mouth sealed shut. It was best just to get on with the day, make it through with a smile, even if for the first time ever, it had to be a fake one.

First period was Gil’s dreaded history lesson, Professor Ferretti began enthusiastically “Political Liberalism and untamed media set the world on fire with its malicious hatred of our beloved bureaucracy. There was rampant violence, rioting, looting, murder, a complete absence of law and order. The Ungovernables brought our world to its knees. To apocalypse.”

Gil felt the same fear she always had when listening to this part. It was so real, so emotive, but is that what apocalypse really is? thought Gil. Did this even really happen? She had seen the pictures of the burning towns and suffering people so it must have, but Gil was beginning to think for herself, and not to merely accept what other said as facts.

Her teacher continued “Then the first Great Leader emerged. Swiftly gaining followers that too were sick of this corruption of behaviour and continuous violence, he formed our Militia and gained enough political power to bring down the chaotic liberal institution from within. After setting up our new State, his Declaration of Conformity was celebrated by the people, and as you all know the brave and selfless Militia remain to maintain this essential set of directives today, and ensure that history will not repeat itself”

Gil continued to reflect, how was such extensive chaos prevented by the rules they had now? What would really happen if they were broken? She thought that too many rules may as well have been Perdita’s murderer, and about how restricted she was beginning to feel about the substantial social rules she herself followed. Maybe no rules was a terrible thing as she had always been taught but Gil began to think that they had far too many, so many that were not given with a reason and made no sense to her now that she began to think about them. Perhaps a balance between the two worlds would be better.

For the remainder of her day Gil couldn’t focus on anything else. Thoughts and questions about the wall, and every random-seeming rule, filled her head blocking out all others like an eclipse hanging over any sunshine she had ever felt. She daren’t tell anyone she had these thoughts and be branded as an Ungovernable. She was trapped inside the walls of her own mind, pondering if others also had these thoughts and couldn’t speak about them like her, or if she was the only one in the world. Surrounded by friends who she felt she could no longer connect with, pasting a pretend smile on her face and nodding falsely in agreement with them as they praised the first Great Leader and all he had done, Gil felt completely and utterly alone.

To be continued…