Professor Wildernose's Extensive Adventurings of High Peril in Sun-Shard Valley, with comments from Penny Tossleflea

There weren't always dragons in the Valley.

First, came the primordial beings of ancient history… nobody remembers these. They barely even live on in the myths and legends of our earliest ancestors. And even then, the details vary greatly with our understanding of pre-gnomish existential episodes.

By the way, I hope your are getting all of this down, scribe. You have a name? No one mentioned it to me. You did? Several times? What a load of Firetoad puff! And you are taking down all of these comments down for prosterity? You are an energetic and efficient chap. And I applaud you. However, you are also highly impertinent, and you must remind me to have you replaced.

Yes, you must! And yes, I will remember!

Side note: The so-called scribe has a name. If you care to read along with my interjections, my name is Penny. Though, he probably won’t mention it. I just thought I’d write it down here just in case his torrent of questionable interesting information causes me to forget my own name…

Anyway, after the primordial beings of ancient history that nobody remembers came the elves, dwarves and humans of the golden age.

How does this period in history improve upon that of the primordial beings of ancient history that nobody remembers? Because the elves, dwarves and humans of the golden age had the good sense to start writing things down. Who called it the Golden age? They did. Why do I disagree with this analysis? Because it didn’t last very long. But they did come up with aforementioned mentioned myths and legends as to the aliveness of the primordial beings of ancient history that nobody remembers. But their factual knowledge is utter orcish fruitcake. Squigglish behemoths don’t have nearly such small tusks as they make them out on their cave drawings. Shows what happens to your archaeologically-based theories when you are working of several bones and not a whole skeleton. I HOPE YOU ARE READING THIS, PROFESSOR GAULIPIP!

Side note: It should be noted that in this previous sentence, my esteemed dictator didn’t title the named individual as such, but as there are several Gaulipip’s within the establishment that I can certainly fathom he is referring to, it may be of some assistance to the reader to distinguish him thusly. It may also be useful to note that the grammar and punctuation that appeals to the reader of such a document as this does not in any way do justice to just how loud my admirable subject was shouting at the time he made this comment. You can therefore come to the conclusion by yourselves, my readers that this person is very much not in his good books…

It should probably be noted for geographical purposes which Valley I have been referring to. I should probably have done that already. Yes I should have? Are you editing this book afterwards or aren’t you, girl?! You told me not to? Why ever would I do that? Because I didn’t want my “glorious words” tampered by an unthinking ink-drinker? That is such an absurd lie to think up, I think it almost worth remembering to place in Mister Albertonk’s Book of Silliest Slanders. Of course, I want my text rearranged to suit dear prosterity.

Side Note: I am pretty sure he believes posterity to be a real person and is intent on marrying her.

I will remember to edit this text,-

Side Note: He won’t. I’m not sure I want to remember either…

-don’t you worry, young lady.

Side Note: Young lady? I think I have been promoted. I should maybe make the reader aware that I am being paid a significant sum to put up with his lordship’s ramblings.

In any case, I will make sure to detail the location of the valley we are referring to, indeed that we are actually situated in as I make this dictation. The Valley of Yellow rivers, which the Dwarves of the aforementioned golden age called, rather predictably, the Golden valley and the Gnomes, clearly the superior species for nothing more than our capability to name geographical locations with half decent names, titled it “Sun-Shard Basin”

Side note: WE might actually have found something to agree one. As a proud history buff, the Gnomish naming of things is in-fact much better. Dwarvish names are very practical and boring, elvish names are flouffy and no one can translate them properly. Human names are boring and I hold a unpopular opinion that their bad naming of things were a significant factor in their dying out. Apologies for the tangent.

This basin is roughly 6 days hard march long and roughly 2 ½ hard marches wide. It contains two rivers; the golden arrow and the red arrow. These join towards the lower end of the basin to feed a large lake known on maps as Mountain Reef, though known locally as the skipper. I still do not, nor never will understand halfling propensity to skim stones. The Mountain reef drains into the Great Twine which runs down to coast. Oh yes, I really should get back to history,

Side note: Yes, you should.

After the golden age came the times of strife, because as we all know, Elves love singing, Dwarves love digging and Humans love getting mixed up in the affairs of others. And this was, as many early historians put it, equivalent in predicable consequences to a really well cooked kettle. The dwarves withdrew, the elves left and the humans fought each other, until they didn’t.

Thus the Sun-Shard Basin was left largely uninhabited for a while. At-least on the surface. Underground however, dwarves met and made diplomatic mayhem, as they refer to it, with the molefolk of the North. The molefolk are a truly fascinating race-

Side note: Thus begins a staggeringly long tangent that may well be interesting to him but as it took me three pages to write up, I decided to mercifully cut it from the final product in your hands. Please do not inform him of this editing choice. Thank you, dearest reader.

-Anyway, the molefolk weren’t much for building surface dwellings. Neither were the dwarves. Into the valley though came the first halflings. Some claim the halflings were descendant from the molefolk and or dwarves. This theory is not altogether book-burning terrible but it doesn’t have enough merit for me to comment on so I will not discuss it. The halflings loved the natural beauty of the valley and called it their own. They traded with the Dwarvish and Molefolk and even brokered peace between their two nations, though the details of this peace are not easily understood.

Side note: Actually, it’s not that hard. After a healthy breakfast, who can blame you for not wanting a scrap.

The period is referred to in the Encyclopaedia Gnomica as the Age of many quiet afternoons. During this time, the largest seem of gold ever prospected was discovered under Mount Bombadina by the Dwarf Clazda Kingfist. This Dwarvish adventurer was already getting a name for himself- herself? Clazda was a Dwarfess? I don’t believe that for a millisecond-

Side note: I apologise, dear viewers for my dictator’s evident unwelcome opinions. I thoroughly encourage you to look up Clazda’s thoroughly entertaining triology “Travels in the deep dark pit of many twists and turns and much running away…”. She was an absolutely astounding adventurer but as my subject seems intent on disregarding her work now that he knows about her identity, I doubt we will get much on her.

Anyway, the dwarf found a lot of gold along with a new element previously unknown to the whole dwarvish race which was a ground-breaking find, even by dwarvish standards.

Side note: Pun doesn’t appear to have been intended.

This element was known to the dwarves as Red Steel. The Gnomish would refer to it as Crimsonite. It require extensive smelting and forging but could produce steel at triple the strength but reduced weight. Once properly cooled it could resist heat and was used in conjunction with their already academically brilliant methods of smithcraft to produce even more excellent works of metal.

Needless to theorise, through this discovery, the dwarves of Sun-Shard grew very rich. This richness did not translate well either to the surface to the halflings or through the ground to the molefolk, leading to more dislike. But as they couldn’t content with the wealth of the dwarvish clans, very little happened to their benefit.

This great centralised point of treasure in the world was undoubtably what brought the dragonkind. And not just one, mind you. Dragons have a supremely unnatural ability to sense and smell and covet any form of wealth, mostly through the greedy thoughts of those with that wealth for they are greed made manifest… but that is a psycho-philosophical discussion for another time.

Side note: Thank goodness.

Anyways, Three particular large and evil beings came up from the south. I should point out that this was during the second standard age of Gnomish historical book keeping and we had extended as far as Lightwood in the neighbouring basin buy this time.

The three beings were:

- Asphoricarnix, The Sapphire Serpent of Lies

- Balastromanica, The Crimson Dread of Doom

- Thorvenaricas, The Black Storm of Corruption

Character profiles on these three dragons have become quite extensive. I am well-educated enough to know that the reports of these are, for once, not exaggerated. Asphoricarnix is considered one of the best liars in the known world. Balastromanica has the warmongering capacity of over nine-thousand berserk humans. And Thorvenaricas is as good at seeding corruption as the worst of the policitians of the Underworld of the so-called Ratfolk Empire.

As quickly as they arrived, they settled into factions and now dominate the power plays between the various peoples of the valley. Many have come, most are still here. It’s become one of the most dangerous regions on the continent but also remains the wealthiest as all three dragons covet the vast horde of treasure now oddly divided amongst all the players of this interesting chess game.

And this is what I have come here to investigate and record. I am of course, the most excellent and esteemed Professor- yes, I am still a professor, Gaulipip, no matter what you have done to oust me and send me on this dangerous, yet enticing quest- the most excellent and esteemed Professor Corrick Wildernose, sage of History, Culture and Dragonology at the Department of High Academia at the University of Confluence.

Our team consists of myself as expert and specialist. Our Dwarven Adventurer companion Guyven Brandybeard. And our scribe.

Side note: Penny Tossleflea, at your service.

We will now be making our way deep into the interior of this valley, looking to record our findings and bring it back for presentation- is that a Chimera-

Side note: You will have to forgive the abruptness of the pause in the writing, my dearest reader. I am writing this several hours after the incident. At this point, as seen above, Professor Wildernose did in fact spot a Chimera and we were all forced to take cover. Thankfully, our brave and intrepid Guyven was able to fight it off suffering nothing more than a slightly singed beard which he is not best pleased with. We will soon make camp once more, where I am forced once again to record the spoutings from “his majesty”. I beg your indulgence, dearest reader, to continue with us in our adventure and I will endeavour to make it as bearable as I can.