PINKY

2005:

First year psychology student: “I think everyone should be microchipped to prevent crime”

Me, Scaffolder: Horrified

2021:

I walked into Dymocks Melbourne on my 36th birthday. I signed in with the government electronic tracking system on my phone and then picked up seven books:

1. How to Tell a Joke – Cicero;

2. Discourses and Selected Writings – Epictetus;

3. Society Must be Defended – Michel Foucault;

4. The Delusions of Crowds Why People Go Mad in Groups – William J. Bernstein;

5. Essays and Aphorisms – Arthur Schopenhauer;

6. The History of Sexuality Vol 1. – Michel Foucault; and

7. The Nature of Things – Lecretius.

I opened up the Lecretius’ book and it said something like ‘…just do things and no one will stop you’. That’s dumb, I thought as I walked up the escalator.

A woman approached me on the street.

“Have you got any money, Sir?”

“Um, not on me actually, no”

“Have you got a card, Sir?”

“Yes”

“Would you walk up to the Westpac ATM and get me out twenty dollars?”

Then it suddenly dawned on me. I’d just walked out of Dymocks without paying for the books! Damn that Lecretius! He was right! No buzzer went off, nothing! Nobody even noticed, not even me!

“Alright, I’ll give you twenty dollars but we’re going to make it a deal.”

“Ok, Sir”

“I want you to take my bank card and these books down into Dymocks Bookstore and pay for all of them with my bank card. Then I’ll go to the ATM and get you twenty dollars”

“But Sir…” She looked confused as I handed her my bank card and the books “do you trust me?”

“Of course I do” I was just too embarrassed to go in myself. I couldn’t believe I’d been so stupid as to walk out without paying for them. Lecretius! You devil! I thought! But I settled that I hadn’t read the whole book in context and perhaps I’d have to separate the wheat from the chaff anyway even if he did think what he wrote down.

She walked down, paid for the books and came back with a nice brown paper bag and the docket.

“Now let’s get you that twenty bucks”

We walked to the ATM and I gave it to her as promised.

“what’s your name, Sir?”

“Luke Lawson”

“Luke Awesome?”

“No, Luke Lawson”

“But Sir, you are awesome”

“What’s your name?”

“Pinky” said Pinky

“I love that name, Pinky, thank you”

I went home and thought about what had happened. I phoned Dymocks and spoke to the manager, Yasmine. I wondered about surveillance footage and if the tracking at the entry to the store could be used to charge someone for stealing a book. I hadn’t stolen a book but I thought ‘what if?’. Then I thought, ‘why didn’t the buzzer go off when I walked up the escalator?’ Then I thought ‘why wasn’t there even a security guard?’ and I had heard that there had been reports of police officers using the contact tracing government information to catch people engaging in criminal activity. ‘How fascinating’ I thought.

Yasmine told me they used to have plain clothed people in the store trying to stop people stealing books but the juice wasn’t worth the squeeze. They also have CCTV footage but no one ever watches it and they only give it to the police when they ask for it.

I thanked Yasmine and we laughed together about books and the good things happening in the world.

So, I went in the next day with the books and asked to speak with Yasmine. A lady came out and introduced herself as Penny.

“Hi Penny, I’d like to buy Yasmine lunch”

“Why?”

“Um, Yasmine might understand”

“You called here yesterday asking for CCTV footage and we’re not going to give it to you”

“I didn’t ask for it”

“I don’t feel comfortable with you being here, why won’t you tell us why you’re here?”

“Well, I wondered about people stealing books and thought I could help Yasmine”

“Nobody can steal a book from here there’s a buzzer and there’s also a person standing right and the bottom of the escalator”

I looked over and there wasn’t.

“Look, it’ll take twenty minutes – I just… well look, I actually want to give Yasmine this book I wrote it’s called Five Stories and One Poem – do you like books?”

“Of course I like books, I work in a book store”

“Would you like to read my book?”

“No.” she said with a fierceness in her eyes circled by round wire frames. “Look, we’re going to ask you to leave, I don’t feel comfortable with this at all – if you want to contact Yasmine send her an email”

I wondered why they were so worried. Do they get lunatics in there all the time asking to speak to the manager? Probably. Am I crazy? Probably.

So, I walked into the café inside the bookstore and asked the barista for a gluten free sandwich and a coffee.

“No worries”

I sat down and wrote an email to Yasmine as directed by Penny:

Dear Yas,

It was a pleasure to speak with you yesterday over the phone.

I came into the store this morning and asked to speak with you but had the pleasure of speaking with Penny instead.

Penny was very confused.

To be clear, I am not seeking any CCTV footage. I am writing a story and I simply wanted to buy you lunch and discuss it.

As I write this the staff called a security guard to ask me to leave the store after my sandwich and coffee.

I told him that’s what I planned to do.

He said the staff are uncomfortable with me being here.

What I don’t understand is why is everyone afraid of people who are simply trying to give things away and be kind?

I feel it is my mistake in not conveying myself clearly.

Kindest regards,

Luke

P.S. I am still eating my sandwich right now and afterward I will leave. I wanted to buy another book but I think the staff are too afraid of me now to sell me one.

The man in the cafe has been really nice to me though.

(The Book was Edward Snowden’s Autobiography)

A man in all black came up to me.

“Mate, you have to leave”

“But I just ordered a coffee”

“Well, when you finish the coffee, leave, the staff aren’t comfortable with you around”

“But.. I also ordered a sandwich”

“Mate, eat the sandwich and leave”

“But that’s what I was going to do anyway?”

He walked off. All in black.

A man sitting in front of me closed his laptop.

“Hey, are you are writer?” I asked

“Nah” he smiled

“A journalist?”

“No” he smiled wider “I’m a trader”

“What happened with that security guard? They looked like they were going to call the police on you.”

“I asked the manager out to lunch and tried to give her this book for free”

“Hahaha” he laughed. He had a really kind face.

“Wanna read the email I wrote to the manager?”

“Sure!” He read it. “But that’s exactly what they’re going to do!”

“Do you want my book?”

“Sure” he said and took it.

The barista came over and also asked what had happened and I told him. He looked hugely confused.

“But you’re really nice?”

“That’s what I thought”

He kinda just scratched his head without actually doing it.

“want a copy of my free book?”

“Sure!” he smiled and went back to his work.

I walked back up the escalator.

A man was sitting on the pavement eating a doughnut.

“Hey, do you know Pinky?”

“Yeah man”

“Have you seen her today”

“Nah man, she’s usually around here but not today”

“Cool, no worries”

“You got any spare change” he asked

“I actually don’t, sorry man” he took another bite of his doughnut

“No worries” and he gave me this huge smile; a really friendly one. He was the watcher of everything that goes on on Collins Street in Melbourne that day.

I caught a tram back to Thornbury and went to the bottle store to buy a bottle of wine.

“Do you have that Tread Softly stuff?” I asked

“Yeah man” the clerk opened up the doors to a hidden cabinet under the shelves

“How many?”

“Well, one. I want two but they’re fifteen each and I only have twenty-nine dollars to spend on wine”

“No worries mate, I can help you out with that” he said and gave me a nice friendly wink

“I just like to work with round numbers, maybe I am crazy; or eccentric.”

“Nah mate, if you think you’re crazy it means you’re not; crazy people think they’re sane”

“Really?”

“Yeah man. Yep.”

Yasmine didn’t email me back. I don’t know if she will. Maybe I’ll get charged with theft, but I have a docket for the books. I bought the damn things. Why is everyone so afraid? Is this the madness of civilisation?