One More Drink

At least I am with my friends…

That is what I am going to tell myself tonight, as I look over the menu and think about what I want to do and what is coming up later. I can see so many things clearly, and yet I am still wondering which one of them is going to destroy my life. But maybe that it just it: my life is supposed to be destroyed. All for the greater good, as I am told. And I want to believe that, but still…

I need to say something.

“Is everyone here?”

We were all at the same table, but do not believe for a moment it was anything like that painting. We were all gathered together, five to each side, Mary at one end, James at the other. I was near her, wondering what I was going to say to all of these friends of mine. Did they know what I had planned? Did they even think about what the future was going to hold for all of us?

Of course not.

It was Passover and we had prepared a traditional feast at a traditional spot. No one ever mentions that we had gathered here before many times in our shared past. There was the moment when so many of those people came to see me because they needed help with all of those problems. Children, mothers, fathers; the lame, the blind, the near-death (that miracle was extremely popular with the crowds). All they wanted was to be near me; all that they needed was to touch me and to see me. All of those faces were going to be a memory soon… That I did know. But there was something that did bother me.

Which one was it?

Now, you cannot judge someone fairly based on what they do for a living. Shepherds can be just as selfish as any account keeper; fishermen are as willing to rob someone as any shop owner. I could not clearly decide who was going to do the deed and allow me to meet my fate.

“You seem…troubled.”

And they think I have a gift… Mary could read me better than anyone I knew. From the moment that we knew each other, she could see that my fate was not going to be the same as other men. Maybe that is what protected me from so many of the temptations out there. Maybe that was why…

“Master…”

“Now, you are the one who seems troubled.”

“I simply observe what is passing over the face of the man I have known longer than any of these others.” She was whispering to me now, but it was enough to gain some attention at the table.

“Are you two going to share your little story?”

Peter was straightforward, hardheaded, and had the ability to explain myself to others when I could not make things clear. He would be very useful when this was over.

“No story this time. Mary simply reads too much in my moods.”

“Indeed.” He was enjoying a glass of something that was not the wine we ordered – it looked like something sweet and heavy – as he responded. “We all read you when we are not listening to your stories. There is so much unspoken.”

“Well spoken, Peter.” Thomas was looking over the meats and vegetables. He was happy to be here, already moving on his second plate. “There are very few secrets in you that we cannot read.”

General murmuring from the table made me realize that these men were the best choices I could have made for my life. There was some wonder in my mind as to why He decided to have me continue my tasks with people who had very little power in their world. I never really understood what I would do once we became well-known…and I became well-spoken. But it had all worked out.

“Talk to them.”

Mary in my ear again; Mary listening and reading the room better than I ever could.

“I shall…”

I stood up, looking over the table.

“Please…”

They noted that I had taken up some of the unleavened bread in my hands.

“Take this and eat from it…”

Now, if I had ended there, they would have thought that I had started early on the wine, but I did not halt with this.

And then I picked up the cup.

“Take this and drink from it…”

And, once again, I made my thoughts clear.

I sat down.

“Master, you…” Mark and Andrew were the most confused I had ever seen them. “I am not sure we all understand your message.”

Well, they did understand part of it. It was a message, and they were going to have to accept what came next.

Mary held my arm as I spoke up.

“One of you will betray me.”

Complete silence at the table.

That was all I needed. I knew who would be handing me over to the authorities both local and for the entire district. No one had lifted a glass or dared to say a word…except for one lone voice right across the table.

“But, we love you.”

Him…?

I should have known.

“Love is a very powerful force in this world. I told you to love one another as I have loved you, and yet people cannot understand something so simple. I speak of wine and bread as something greater than a meal and libation and it is still unclear. If there is love anywhere at this table, you will know what to do.”

Now, I know that they all heard it. They were all happy to eat and drink and think that maybe my thoughts were on the morrow (breaking my own rule). There was more wine and food to finish; more talking to each of them privately; more to consider that evening. But he was gone.

He was not at the table when I had my last drink.

I stared off into the growing darkness and walked to the garden.

It was going to be a beautiful night.

*

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You can find more poems, stories, and articles by Kendall Defoe on my Vocal profile. I complain, argue, provoke and create...just like everybody else.

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