Of Butterflies & Goldfish (a serial)

“What are you doing?” Mia came into the backroom and stood quietly, watching me, hands on her hip. Clearly, she thought something was up.
“Working on the order?” I studied the iPad, bringing it closer to my eyes as if it had all the answers. To the trained observer, I might have been avoiding her steady gaze.
“You never work on the order,” she pointed out.
“Yeah, well, I figured I’d help out. Samantha showed me how to do it. She won’t be in until 11 o’clock.” Samantha hadn’t so much shown me as I’d been bored and was nagging her with inane questions as she did the order. You might as well learn how to do this if you’re not gonna do anything but stand there. “I figured I’d help out.” I shrugged, completely nonchalant.
“Uh-huh. Good Samaritan that you are. Are you sure it’s not that you’re just avoiding the counter, so you don’t have to cross paths with Max?”
I dropped my shoulders and rolled my eyes. My go-to defense mechanism. As if. “Why would I be avoiding Max?”
“Oh, I don’t know. So, you won’t have to turn him down to his face?”
“Pffft,” I scoffed. “What makes you think I’m gonna turn him down?”
“Because I know you. And you’ve been avoiding me. Which means you don’t want my opinion. Which means, you don’t want me to tell you to man up and grow some balls and quit being a chicken shit.”
“Well, as much as I love hearing that from my best friend…” I added two extra bags of espresso beans to the Tuesday order. We still had a week before fall semester started at Fairweather Community College but last semester we ran out. Nothing worse than a bunch of freshmen needing to wake up for their 8 am class. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Okay.” Mia nodded. Not that she was believing my little act. “So, if he asks for you…”
“I’m not avoiding anything. I’m helping Samantha out.” 
“Whatever. She doesn’t need your help to do the order.” She put a finger on the top of the iPad and pulled it down so she could see what was on the screen. “Hmmm. I was expecting to see twink on twink action or something.”


I sighed. “Unlike you, I was thinking of someone else besides myself. This was Sam’s first long weekend off in forever. I didn’t want her coming back and thinking we couldn’t take care of things while she’s gone.” I was so full of shit.
“You’re so full of shit.”
“I’m not…”. How dare she read my mind. 
“Whatever.” Mia left the backroom.

I usually like it when it appears as though I’ve won. I sighed, rubbing my face. But then, I hated it when she was right, which was most of the time. I put the iPad down and looked out the little window. Mia stood at the register. She tapped her foot impatiently, probably debating whether or not a second onslaught was needed. I shook my head.
I pushed the door open. “Fine. You’re right. I’m in avoidance mode. I can’t help it. You should know it by now. It’s not like you to give up so easily.”
 Mia didn’t look at me, instead, she picked at the vinyl cling on the counter.

“What should I do?” I sighed.
Mia shrugged, not turning around. 
“You know how I hate it when you’re right. Or rather, when I’m wrong.”
She nodded, still not turning around.
“You know you’re gonna tell me, eventually. Put me out of my misery and tell me. Please, oh wise one.””
Finally, she turned. “What have you got to lose? I mean, it’s a free Shawn Mendes concert, for God’s sake. And it’s with a really hot guy, who by the way, probably spent close to a thousand dollars on the off chance you would go. You know those seats are gonna be great. He’s not expecting you to put out. Not that that would be a bad thing. Hell, for Shawn Mendes I’d definitely fool around with him Have you noticed how hot he is? That’s a rhetorical question, by the way, because blind people can tell how hot he is.”
“I feel like I’d be using him.”
“Aww. You’re so sweet.” Mia shook her head at my apparent naivité. “You didn’t even know he bought the tickets. It’d be completely different if you’d coerced him somehow with your seductive scheming, but you don’t have a seductive bone in your body.”
“Okay. Okay. You’re not really helping. Besides, how would you know? Maybe my seductive wiles are so overwhelming that I don’t even know I’m doing it.”

“Yeah. That’s definitely it,” Mia droned.

I scowled. “Besides he wouldn’t have bought them if I…”
Mia laughed. “If you what? Didn’t captivate him with your… mediocre good looks.”
“Well, yeah. I mean like you said, he spent a lot of money on those tickets. And he already admitted he was…”
“He was what?” Mia inquired, though I had a feeling she already knew.

“He said he was captivated. Said he felt like a stalker.”

“Maybe they were comp tickets. Maybe he invests Shawn Mendes’ exorbitant wealth.”
“That’s another thing. He’s…”
“If you say he’s out of your league, I may have to smother you in your sleep. Clearly, he doesn’t think so or he wouldn’t have gone through all the trouble of wooing your stupid ass.”
I couldn’t help smiling.

“You know it’s true. Just because he’s got a fancy job, or a nice car…. or whatever; this out of your league shit is really getting old.” She went back to picking at the Starbucks logo on the counter. “You just said he was captivated. That he admitted it. So…”
“I know.” I relented. 
“I mean, it’s just stuff. So what? That doesn’t mean he’s better than you. Look at Peter. He had a great job and annoyed everybody with his stupid Tesla as if he drove on water and was saving the planet but he wasn’t any…”
“Mia, do you really have to use Peter as the perfect example for every argument you make?”
“Well, no, I don’t have to, but he’s such a good example. He didn’t look like he could sing then he belts out a little Shawn and you’re like all wet and putty in his hands.” Mia contorts her face with a ridiculous orgasmic expression. “I’d say no pun intended but I have a feeling…”
I laughed. “That is so not true.” It was true.
“Whatever. He was perfect for you, could do no wrong.”
We both sighed. 
“Except move away.”
“Well, there is that. But you could have gone with him. Nothing keeping you here. I mean Starbucks, which they have in Germany, and that dog.” 
“That dog loves you.” I’d recently gotten a cocker spaniel, Snooper. He was still a puppy when Peter had to move. I didn’t blame him for leaving. He even begged me to go with him but I couldn’t really. Then I all but talked him into going, or at least it felt that way. He offered to stay, but I knew how much his work meant to him and didn’t want to be the reason he didn’t go, that he didn’t succeed; I didn’t want to be the source of his regret. So, we said our goodbyes and promised to stay in touch and then he was gone. Mia called what followed, my weeks of dark tribulation. It was ugly, plain and simple. I didn’t eat, I barely got out of bed. She threatened to drag me to the shower and bathe me herself if I didn’t. She gave me a couple of weeks and then we moved on, whether I wanted to or not. I wouldn’t tell her but if it wasn’t for Snooper and his constant need for attention and affection, who knows how long my tribulations would have lasted? 
“I wonder what he’s doing?”
“He’s probably got some twink playing haus frau in lederhosen.”
I roll my eyes automatically. She’s convinced Peter was secretly a dom. He was very take control, very hands-on, which I have to say was very hot.

By 2:00 pm, I’d given up that Max was coming.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t check out every blue car that drove into the parking lot.

Apparently I was a little on edge by the time Samantha came in at 11:00. She told me to clock out after an hour of my anxious pacing. Part of me was relieved to take off my apron. The other part of me worried I’d miss Max if he came in later. Though he never came in after 10 am. There was the slim possibility that he’d come in while I was doing the order, but I doubted Mia would have let me get away with avoiding him.

Mia pulled out a chair and sat across from me. “Ughhh. So much negative thinking. Your aura is absolutely gray.” She explained.

I shook my head. “My aura?”

“Deny it all you want, but if you don’t think you’re good enough, why would anybody else? You need to get out of your head. It’s too dark in there.”

“What are you talking about now?” I rolled my head back. I really didn’t want to get into all the psychobabble and positive thinking and manifesting my destiny. No response was the best approach here.

“Fine. I’ll shut up.” Mia grabbed her keys off the table. While Samantha had me clock out early, I still waited for Mia to get off. She wanted to go shopping. It was her little brother Milo’s birthday and she’d procrastinated about getting him a gift.

“You think…. I mean, I didn’t say no. You think he gave up on me already?” I slumped in one of the comfy chairs in the corner, chewing on my straw.

Mia waved her hands in my general area. “Well, as pathetic as this looks right now, he hasn’t seen this side of you. All he knows is perky caffeinated Simon.”

I sat up straighter.

“Besides. It’s barely been a day…”

“Yeah, but he’s been in every day for the last two weeks like clockwork and suddenly, he asks me to go to New York with him to a Shawn Mendes concert and I don’t say yes and suddenly the next day he doesn’t show…”

“Okay.” Mia sat back down across from me. “You need to get ahold of yourself. There are probably a thousand different reasons why he couldn’t come in today. You’re the only reason he comes in at all. So chances are…”

“If I’m the only reason he comes in at all, then I’d be the only reason why he wouldn’t…”

“Oh, get over yourself. Maybe…” she leaned over the table. “Maybe he’s giving you a little space,” she suggested. “Maybe he saw how much you wigged out and didn’t want to push too hard.”

“I didn’t wig out. I was just taken by surprise. I mean, one of us has known for like two weeks, and one of us,” I put a hand on my chest. “has only known for like a day. It’s a lot to take in all at once.”

Mia sat back. “You’re right. It is a lot. Just… just don’t jump to conclusions. Besides. I think technically, you’re supposed to call him. He did give you his number. Maybe he didn’t come today because you didn’t call him. Maybe he figured, that’s your way of letting him down easy.” Mia shrugged

“Are you kidding me?’ I dug into my back pocket and pulled out his now-crumpled business card. I smoothed it out on the table. “You really think he’s waiting for me to call.”

Mia shrugged.

“Shit.” I stared at the card, then at Mia. “Why didn’t you say that earlier?”

Mia rose from her chair, the wooden legs squeaking loudly across the tile. She held out her hand. “Come on. We’re going shopping. You need to decompress.. Plus and I’m not trying to add any extra pressure but you still haven’t decided whether or not you’re going to go. So calling him…”

I growled and grabbed her hand. “Let’s just…”

We heard the tires squealing as Max whipped into the parking spot right by the front door.

“Better late than…” Mia smiled. She pushed me toward the door as Max climbed out of his beamer.

I stopped in front of the glass door. “We’re supposed to go sho…”

Mia stalked toward me. “Oh, my god. If you don’t go out there right now, I will make him take me to New York to see Shawn.”

I gasped dramatically. “You wouldn’t dare.”

TO BE CONTINUED