Not sexual

In a minute I would change my sense of self. In a minute I would embrace one of the key pleasures of life. Something I thought I would never find in the clonesville of Winston Salem.

I felt my breathe catch as he entered the store. A joy filled my heart. My job, in the store was to be a hostess and cashier ,but my goal was to discover every secret this stranger had and to determine if he was single and unclaimed.

In ten seconds I had learned his life philosophy. I had to admit it was very different than mine. But I was still feeling a keen drive to learn more. He told me about his daily schedule. Twenty seconds into our interaction we were researching the silverware on the sales floor. No ,the silverware set was not sterling, Melting it down would not bring him a modest vacation fund. About thirty seconds after his enterance, I was totally distracted, although still appearing professional while secretly envisioning me and him physically getting to know each other. There was something about this man. He was unique not the usual customer and it had been a fluke that he had entered this store. If the tatoo shop had been open my heart might have not skipped a beat. No army of questions would stop him from departing the store. Yet inwardly silently I was singing. Forty five seconds in a smile broke his lips. I wanted to kiss those lips, but I was not selling sex , just used objects and cloths, And suddenly a minute after entering he was walking out the door.

After he left I wrapped my arms around myself and squeeled. It had been ten years but I had finally found a North Carolina man, who made my heart sing. After he left I realized the absurdity of it all. I did not know his name, he did not know mine. Despite our interaction, I still did not know if he was single. It would have been too forward to directly ask. I had not even inquired. if he resided in Winston Salem, Routine common sense questions. But the numbness I had possessed was now gone. It had been so long since a man's presence had made me think of physical contact. I was begining to think that I had no sexual desires at all. I smiled enjoying the stimilation of my mind and body. When I filled in the question on sexual orientation in the surveys I took, I always marked hetrosexual, but always wondered if I should check don't know.

I smiled at the new memory. To my surprise at the most unexpected time and place, I had felt lust. Again I felt alive. I felt life breathe into my aging body. Sex is not just to recreate and produce a family, sexual attraction fuels your life. Thanks to this stranger, when I went home , I felt as if I could breath again.