Neodymium

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say.

Talk about freedom to say anything!

“BOOBS!”

These humans don’t even understand, I’ve done my best but I’m ready to turn over and maybe stretch a little. Don’t get me wrong, I’m entertained, and this has been an ‘experience’, but I’m tired of the constant prodding and the way they take everything from me and turn it into garbage. It’s time for the next species to arise before these ones spoil my skin completely. Even if they could hear me in this vacuum, they aren’t listening anyway. I’m tired of these humans, and this change is long overdue.

“DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU!”

…

“Holy Shit! Shani did you hear that?”

Shani sprawled, arms stretching casually on the table beside the exhausted mattress. Ampere asked again, “Shani! Did. You. Hear. Hey, are you watching me get dressed?”

Shani continued to stare.

“I hate that you’re such a pervert,” Ampere sighed, pulling Shani roughly from the table and sliding them firmly over the bridge and into prostrated submission.

“I love when you’re rough with me,” Shani teased.

“For real, stop that! I can see right through you, and it isn’t funny today. Today my heart is broken. I feel it crashing upward into my throat, clogging, crushing, choking, and confining my dreams and my…”

“DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU!” vibrated through the particles a second time.

Shani slipped on Ampere’s hackles, skidding down to the bulb.

“Okay fine, I obviously noticed that,” Shani admitted. “That was seriously abrasive!”

“No need to get all scratched up, let’s go see if anyone else noticed,” Ampere responded, while slowly penetrating a pair of fatigued brown trousers, then clenching together the teeth, and inserting the stretched and flaccid button.

“Okay but just be careful this time!” Shani whispered as Ampere slunk down the curious hallway.

“Shhh, good grief Shani, something will hear you!”

As it was morning, it was very typical to find the whole family masticating together in a carnal scene of excess, and today was no exception.

“Oh good, Ampere, you’re finally up!” Mom whinnied, her smile pointing upward, her teeth jutting proudly. “I don’t want you missing the bus, or is that young lover picking you up this morning?… what was their name again…no, don’t tell me I want to see if I can remember.”

“Mom, we broke up.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. Get a bite now while it’s hot.”

Ampere removed some crispy loaf from the burning things machine.

“Oh what was it now, wait, don’t tell me! Quincunx, Sextile…Oh, I know it was Solstice!”

“It isn’t Solstice Mom” Ampere cringed. “Their name is…”

“I said don’t tell me!”

“Okay. Then. I’ll let you think it over I guess. Anyway, I’ll see you after forced competitive learning.” Shani continued to view the scene with a glassy expression. Ampere approached the table where Mom was sitting and pressed their lips to the peak of her quiff. The other members continued to engorge themselves with enthusiasm and satisfaction.

“Just remember Ampy, you can always meditate. Are you remembering to live in the moment, and to accept your pain as a lesson for your soul’s greater journey?”

“Don’t worry about it Mom!” Ampere waved casually over their shoulder, then gently pressed the swinging exit plank, who shuddered with the trauma response of one who withstands the angst of teenagers.

“Okay honey, go have experiences today that lead to your ultimate good!” chased Ampere through to the front entryway.

“You too!” Ampere bellowed, arms silking through softer arms, followed by the rigid straps of the giant frowning backward pocket.

After being spat out onto the porch and away from the confinement of the oppressive and eavesdropping drywall, Shani looked into Ampere’s eyes with concern.

“Well then, I don’t think they noticed that weird voice,” Ampere noted, turning toward the…

“DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU!”

“Who keeps saying that?” Ampere yelled into the nitrogen and to a lesser extent the oxygen. There was no response.

As they stepped from the last of the incremental height differential platforms, a jolt of delicious pain shocked through all of Ampere’s platelets.

Transit was here.

Transit. Here. Waiting at the curb. Sitting in the same car where they had shared all of their most unsanitary and riveting moments.

“I know I said I wasn’t going to pick you up this morning, and I’m less sure now that you are yelling weirdly, but I wanted to see if you have noticed anything…different. You know, if anything feels… ‘off’?” Transit sirened, effectively compelling Ampere toward the passenger’s door.

Sagging relief crushed Ampere’s shoulders, and of course, it would be Transit whom they could speak to about this stranger’s voice. The springs of the grimacing overstuffed cushion moaned uncontrollably at the pressure of Ampere’s return. Ampere secured the door hastily.

“I’ve noticed it too!”

“It just isn’t normal! Like, am I crazy or should we see a doctor for this?”

“I don’t know, I started noticing it when I hit puberty, but I didn’t think you would spend time with me if you knew. I never told anyone before! I’m so happy I get to share this with you!”

“Share with me? Wait, you knew, and you didn’t tell me?”

“Well I only noticed the big one this morning. I was only hiding the little ones.”

“The big one!”

“Ya, you know, that big voice.”

“Good God Ampere, you’re so weird sometimes! I’m talking about the herpes!”

“Wait, you. Meant. Wait a minute.”

“What are you even talking about, oh gawd. Just get out, I don’t have time for this. I need to make some phone calls. I’ll see you later or whatever, but please, just get out of my car.”

Ampere’s iced veins and confused brow sagged into the door, which opened and spilled them onto a scratchy cradle of grass.

Transit. Driving away. Restless Transit. They never could stay in one place, and Ampere could never really keep up.

“Did they say herpes?” Shani piped.

“DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU!”

“Could everybody just shut up for a minute!” breathed Ampere through their tangled thoughts.

“Listen, Ampere, let’s just take a minute to self-medicate, okay?” Shani urged.

“You just like to watch.” Ampere complained, but pulled out the phone anyway. It wouldn’t hurt to have a little relief, especially at a time like this.

The screen flickered, and all of the buttons competed with various displays of seductive and garish beckoning.

“I’m picking the news” Ampere declared to Shani’s disappointment.

...

Thank you Dr. Aspect, that was riveting. I never even thought about the composition of the earth’s core until this very moment. How fascinating. Let’s go now to Grace with the weather.

Um, Judy, it’s climate change. Let’s just assume that everybody is going to be hot today. Shouldn’t we be reporting more about the spike reversals in the polarity of Earth’s magnetic field? It seems like they have been happening kinda a lot this morning. That scientist just now seemed pretty concerned. I mean, should we be worried about it? Sounds like a total polar reversal might change more than just the direction your toilet wants to flush. Something bad might happen, you know? Also, don’t you think any of those weird animal stories we reported earlier are connected to this?

Well Grace, unlike yourself, I do my job and read from the teleprompter, and it says that you are supposed to STOP going off script again and instead, you’re supposed to tell people the damned weather forecast! If you want to write the news then go talk to HR. This is unbelievable!

Whatever, I don’t need this job anyway, I quit! I’m moving to Idaho to join the first chapter of the WeatherWoke with my brother. Screw you Judy! I’m going to be one of the lucky few who gets on that ship and leaves this cursed rock, and then we’ll see who’s laughing!

Grace, the WeatherWoke? Seriously? You can’t go join that cult, what’s wrong with you! How is anyone getting fooled into believing that crap? Are you stupid enough to believe they are actually building a spaceship??? You know what, never mind, I take it back. You should definitely go join a cult! Good riddance. Hasta la…

...

The grip of Ampere’s strained inner tension had inadvertently squeezed and shut off the phone without warning, but Ampere hardly noticed.

“I will never love again,” Ampere whimpered, as a sticky smear of despondency buttered across the pain.

“BOOBS!”

End of Chapter 1

Spoiler alert for Chapter 2: Where it is confirmed that Shani, is indeed, a pair of eyeglasses, and Ampere’s local chapter for the WeatherWoke holds a membership drive/bikini carwash (after all, those spaceships aren’t going to pay for themselves).