My Secret Santa

The whole thing made me uncomfortable, the bright lights, the smell of the tree nearby, the rowdy and chaotic nature of those in the vicinity. My absolute least favourite part of working in an office… the Christmas Party.

Worse still, the yearly tradition of a Secret Santa, bad enough to be forced to organise a gift for someone I barely know but made worse by doing it in front of everyone else in the office. We were sitting around in a circle of wheeled office chairs. If only I could escape, I ended up against the back wall, no way out of this until the whole painful thing had run its course.

First to get their gift was the boss, of course, they opened up the wrapped present, while eyeing everyone off trying to discern who was their secret Santa. They finished opening it up, a digital photo frame/clock combo, well above the agreed monetary limit. All eyes shifted to Morris, known to be a bit of a boss’ pet.

“What?” He asked, feigning ignorance.

Oh, God. This is going to be so long. What I wouldn’t give for a fire drill right now…

Next came Patricia’s turn, she picked up the present labelled for her under the tree, a small flat green parcel wrapped in green with a thin red bow tied around it.

“Ooh, small but promising,” she said, returning to her chair.

Patricia unwrapped the parcel to reveal an envelope, she opened it and pulled out a small pad of some kind, then started flicking through them.

“What are these?” she asked, with a hint of concern. “Coupons for office favours?”

“Yeah, like if you want me to make you a cup of tea, there’s a voucher for that, see.”

Carl had revealed himself as Patricia’s secret Santa with this information. Everyone knew he was a bit of a cheapskate. I, for one, was quite impressed and would keep the idea in the bank for next year if I couldn’t think of something for my person. This year, however, this year I know I got my person just what they wanted, and I know they would want to use it tonight.

One by one, people went around the circle to pick up the gift labelled for them, return to their seat and unwrap it. Some were surprised by the thoughtfulness of the gift, like Amanda’s handmade beanie from someone who managed so far to remain a true secret Santa. Others were required to tactfully conceal their disgust, discomfort, or disdain for their gifts as they opened them. But no matter how good people were, there is always that split second, uncontrollable response before the “wow!” or the “cool, I wanted one of these!”.

This was taking so long, I looked at my watch trying to figure out what my new departure time would be based on the secret Santa time going over, and then how much time I would need to stay at the party before pulling my vanishing act.

17:15

The last ten minutes of the work day were set for the secret santa gifts, then the party was meant to officially start at five. That’s the arrangement the majority agreed on so that alcohol could be served at the party, and guests invited to join from five thirty on. I had other plans, I was going to stick around for thirty minutes, then put my coat on, and continue chatting for another five to avoid the suspicion of leaving. After that I would casually stroll to the bathroom, and then out the doors, into my car, and away home to enjoy a nice soak in my new foot spa while eating Thai food, and watching The Muppet Christmas Carol.

This slow present unwrapping was getting out of hand and delaying everything, thankfully there was only myself and Siobhan left to get our gifts. I was in front of her in the circle to get gifts but I waved my arm for her to get hers.

“Ladies first,” I said, smiling at her.

Few in the office knew, but I had a little thing for Siobhan, I was planning to ask her out. But not tonight, not at the office Christmas party. I watched in anticipation as she opened her present, she gave me an odd look as she unwrapped the gift. As well as being one of the only people not to have opened a gift yet, I was one of the secret Santa's not revealed yet.

“Is this from you?” she asked me as she finished tearing the paper.

I gave a cheeky shrug, as to not give anything away, she finished unwrapping and found her gift was a gift card for the local Pizza place, the card had been placed in a large box to hide its size. Siobhan looked stunned for a moment, then I thought I saw a hint of sadness in her eyes right before the expected,

“Oh, great. Thanks Santa.”

Across the circle, Dan started laughing hysterically for a minute or so, slapping his thigh and clapping himself for what he thought was a great joke. Siobhan looked at him, then to me with confusion, then back at Dan and gave a very cynical and sarcastic,

“Thanks, Dan.”

“Well, just you left, James,” said the boss, handing me the last gift under the tree. “Here ya go, let’s make it quick, ey? Party needs to start.” He added to me under his breath.

I tore the plain paper wrapping quickly uncovering the large box underneath, and saw the label of what it was quickly enough to then show everyone.

“Oh, nice… a foot spa.” I said, acting as surprised and thankful as I could.

About 40 minutes later, I had my coat on, and my gift under my arm and was heading stealthily out the doors of the office, to my car. I walked past Siobhan’s car and placed a small envelope with a handwritten note under her wipers, then got in my car and went home.

I was soon answering the door to the delivery guy, and got my Thai food. I quickly grabbed a plate and fork from the kitchen, and sat down, placing my feet in my newly set up foot spa, and pressed play on the DVD player.

As I grabbed my phone from my pocket to switch to silence, a small piece of paper fell out with it, landing in my plate of soft shell crab. I removed it to see it was my old secret Santa identity, given out months ago, telling me who to buy a gift for, I laughed again to myself as I read the name on it.

“Hope you enjoy your gift, Merry Christmas James!”