My Mycorrhizal Moment

Running was never my thing. It wasn’t yours either, but if I could rely on anything, it was that you would be there, through every flight of fancy I took up. Better or worse. Sickness and health. And so it is that as I stagger to a stop, lungs grating in my suddenly too small chest, you are there. I reach out, searching for that solid reassurance, and let myself lean a little of my weight against you as I pull in air. Other runners pass, a cyclist, walkers in brisk ones and striding twos. But you wait, as I let my breathing ease, let me be unhurried, let me recover my legs, my hand against your solid strength, feeling the pulse of you beneath palm and thumb and all four fingers, letting mine slow towards it, anchoring myself to you, again. A warmth creeps up my calves, my thighs, my trunk, a post-run glow, and on my bare arms my skin turns to the echo from you, the pores like a thousand sunflowers, finding, in that shared warmth between us, a welcome. I let my shoulder lean into you, feel the soft give in your skin, the hard strength beneath, and think about how you need both, to survive in this world. Strength and flex. We’ve done a lot of that, over the years. Survived so much, me flying in great arcs which stretch away, and away, till it looks for all the world that I have set myself adrift, and then, listing, turning, returning, to you, your deep rooted assurance, your promise that all will be as it should, whether I rush or take rest, in the end. And you? I trace the lines of my name, the date we met, etched on your skin, the lines softer edged that they once were, a testament to how you have grown around me, around everything that has come, never falling, never fleeing, always growing, flex and strength. I have learnt so much since that date, changed so much. I rest my head against you, letting, I hope, the gratitude haloing my mind bleed into your body, and feel, in return, sheltered from any storm. Not everything has changed.

In the distance, past the birds and the breeze, I hear cars passing, and in the gaps the soft lowing of cattle, waiting, perhaps, for food. Above my nested head, a sigh reminds me of the promise I made you, so many years ago, to cherish, to nurture, to protect you in this world, just as you help me regain my breath, this, and every time I fear I may run out of air. As strong as you are, there is tenderness in your heart, vulnerability in your giving nature.

Re centred, I run on, heading back to the park ranger station to start my morning shift. You stand where you always stand, there amongst the towering trees, holding our future in your mighty branches, my promise lingering in the earth beneath my feet.