My Lovely Machine Elf

“Are you sure this stuff is safe, Rick?” Daniel studied the drink. He questioned the judgment of his childhood friend as he often did at times like this. Rick called it a strange name Daniel never heard of, and as a result, ayahuasca was the word repeating in his obsessive mind. Where Rick acquired the narcotic made Daniel curious, but in reality, it didn’t concern him. Rick’s greatest strength was his talent for obtaining what could or should not be obtained.

“Just enjoy it.” Tall, slender, and shaggy-haired served as an accurate depiction of Rick, who was only twenty years of age. He moseyed to Daniel with a childish gate and placed his plastic cup on the coffee table with delicate grace. After, he sank into the dilapidated foldout couch; this couch accompanied him through the first years of college. He motioned with a welcoming gesture for his best friend to sit beside him.

“I’m not sure about this.” Daniel hesitated before sitting, putting his cup next to Rick’s.

“I’m telling you, Danny, you’re going to trip like never before, and you are going to love every God damned second of it!” The excitement animated Rick’s entire body as he wiggled about. “Yes, I’ve been looking for the perfect high, and this cup of my special brew ranks at the top of the list, my friend. Now I’m your stoner buddy. I understand this, as do you, but you must also let go occasionally. It’d do you some good to break from being the cooped-up little bookworm.”

Daniel sighed, taking the comment to heart. He despised when Rick referred to him as a bookworm. Daniel also understood his delicate build and slender frame did little to attract the opposite sex. Consuming himself with his studies curved this line of thought. “I’m not a bookworm, Rick. I care about my future, unlike you.”

“Now, that’s not a nice thing to say. Of course, I care about my future. And in the future, I see the two of us taking a fantastic trip. No bullshit. This stuff will send us up to the fuckin’ moon and back. I mixed it with all the right ingredients, just how the man told me to.” Rick’s eager smile awaited Daniel’s response.

“Who the hell did you get this from?” Daniel’s paranoia defined so much of his existence; it ate its way into the current situation.

Rick struggled to remember. “I met him at a party the other night.” Rick shrugged, having spent as much energy as he was willing to on the matter. “I tried some of it then, and it was… It was beyond words, man.” The recollection of the high shot a sense of euphoria throughout Rick’s body.

Daniel grew concerned. “And you trust this guy? You don’t even know his name, do you?”

“Names are overrated!” Rick countered. “And besides, where do you think I got the stuff in the first place? I didn’t pull it out of my ass. This guy is intense. He couldn’t wait to share the experience with others, so I figured I’d give it a go.” Rick smiled again and took a deep, relaxing breath. “Now, are we gonna talk all damn night nitpicking, or are we going to do this?”

Defeated, Daniel shrugged in agreement. “One time won’t hurt, I guess.”

“Yes! This is the Daniel I know and love!” Rick wasted no time lifting his cup from the coffee table and chugging the special tea.

Daniel took a moment to study the eclectic apartment while gingerly lifting the red solo cup into his hands. The unmistakable scent of marijuana lingered in the air; even though Daniel did not smoke, he found the aroma calmed his more obsessive-compulsive tendencies. Rick also loved his incense candles, which helped create a more relaxing atmosphere or momentary nausea depending on what odors were mixed together.

Daniel’s more tidy tendencies could easily be spotted; bookshelves were filled with diverse literature, from academic texts to the latest horror novels. The beanbag chair in the living room corner suited them both: Rick enjoyed passing out on it, and Daniel found it a comfortable option for losing himself in a book.

Strings of fairy lights hung overhead and along the walls. Rick insisted on this lighting scheme; it provided a mellow and inviting atmosphere. The tapestries along the walls were a mix of stoner culture nicknacks and posters that spoke to Rick. Daniel’s influences were dotted throughout Rick’s more aggressive interior design approach: posters from his favorite movies, collector’s editions of sci-fi/fantasy books, and various collectible Funko Pop figures from films, anime, and games added a complimentary contrast. Eclectic furniture accumulated over the years; none matched very well but spoke to their immediate need for furniture and Rick and Daniel’s refusal to invest in proper furnishings.

The most prized corner of the room was set up for gaming and music. A collection of diverse vinyl records rested in milk crates on bricks as a makeshift shelf. High-end speakers connected to an older record player immersing Rick in whichever album he played. The gaming system was state-of-the-art; Daniel built the gaming PC and tinkered with upgrades when necessary. Escaping into another reality was something Daniel excelled at, and the gaming universe satiated the need to be someone else for a while.

“What the hell are you waiting for? Drink up!” Rick slapped Daniel on the back, taking him from his moment of extreme observation. Rick smiled and gazed straight ahead at nothing in particular as he waited for the full effects of the drug-infused beverage to kick in.

Daniel placed the cup to his lips with a weary sigh and allowed the liquid to pour down his throat; it coated his insides with a familiarity he found unsettling. Before Daniel knew it, Rick tipped the end of the cup upward, causing him to chug all the tea.

Startled, Daniel threw the cup forward while gasping for air. “What the fuck?!” He held his throat while choking; it subsided after a few seconds.

“Don’t worry, man. Go with it!” A smile from ear to ear adorned Rick’s face.

Daniel stood in the apartment’s living room, pacing around while doing his best to gather his senses. Strange couldn’t describe the sensations emanating from his conscious and subconscious awareness. The euphoric warmth wrapped his body and soul with a sensitivity beyond any verisimilar reality he experienced before. It also left a sliver of consciousness open, reminding him with an intense fervor that this state of existence has always been lying dormant within the confines of his soul. This tantalizing yet eerie lack of perturbation awaited his arrival with a graceful love. It called to him with a song whose notes were the epitome of home.

Daniel focused on Rick, who was already in his own world and still seated on the couch. “Rick. I feel… It’s…” Words failed Daniel as the potent concoction took control.

The room swirled. The colors blended and transformed in unimaginable combinations. Daniel experienced his entire body being transferred to another place where shapes collided, and the laws of the universe disregarded every theory posted by the world’s foremost scientific minds. The surrounding walls oscillated as if they carried a pulse all their own, and with little effort, he tasted the varying colors around him.

This is crazy! The thought echoed audibly as he explored his new reality. Yellow! I can taste the color yellow!

A humanoid figure coalesced from the jumbled shapes before him, and Daniel smiled as he regarded the approaching creature. Her shape pulsed with the rhythm of the oscillating walls, and her flesh combined with the colors in fantastical arrangements. Her ears were pointed, and the hair upon her head was a brilliant blonde that ran the spectrum of shades. She gave Daniel a warm smile while appearing in many places around him at once.

Who are you? Your color tastes so lovely. Daniel’s thought echoed in this realm as if he were speaking.

As do your colors, Daniel. I am your reality. Without me, you could not exist. Nothing in your world would exist. We dance. We dance the dance which holds the fabric of the universe together. Her voice soothed and comforted as it echoed within and around Daniel. Her taste was intoxicating; the arousal within his jeans intensified to where he thought he might orgasm.

I’d love to taste the color of your hair. There are so many colors here. They all taste so wonderful. This is all so wonderful. Daniel said.

Her laugh was welcoming as she continued to phase in and out of various spots in the surreal landscape surrounding Daniel.

What are you? He asked.

We are your world, Daniel. We have been waiting for you. Her voice was the song that created worlds.

Daniel swiveled his head in every direction and returned his gaze to the creature, confused. What do you mean? You’re the only one I see here.

You must dance. To stay here, you must dance the dance and keep things together. We create balance. You are one of us. You always have been. As she spoke, the scent of her smile created a hunger in Daniel’s soul.

Quite suddenly, Daniel felt the creature merge with his being, and he was enveloped by the light surrounding her. His soul entangled in an odd mixture of pleasure going far beyond the erotic and into the realm of ecstasy in its highest form. In the simplest terms available, it had been a dance of light and darkness. It was a dance of balance where everything was connected, and nothingness brought forth all the possibilities of the universe.

Focus on nothing, and you focus on everything! The thought flowed and echoed repeatedly as Daniel danced with the lovely creature. He hadn’t a clue if it was his own thought or the creature’s, but he could move everywhere by submitting. It was a trip he wished would never, ever end. As the dancing grew more intense, he felt an explosion in his loins; the release cleared his mind, and as he shivered, he could feel the strange female creature caressing his soul.

* * * *

It had been one week since the life changing experience. Daniel did his best to return to the everyday routines and rigors of college life but lacked the determined enthusiasm that was once readily available. Rick informed his best friend the encounter was nothing to be alarmed about. The term used to describe the otherworldly creature was machine elf. The conversation played repeatedly in Daniel’s mind as he sat in his history class, zoning off into the memory of the intangible experience.

“Machine elf? What the hell is that?” Daniel grew confused and crashed hard from the high. He lay sprawled about on the apartment floor, hypnotized by the fairy lights above and yearning to return to the place of pure bliss.

“That’s what some dead old dude called them, or some shit like that. I think his name was Terence McKenna, if I’m not mistaken. Anyway, they’re supposed to be these fucking elves that exist in this altered state of reality. Freaky shit. Kind of makes the old wheel turn.” Rick chuckled while lying on the foldout couch and pointed a finger to his head in a circular motion.

“You almost sounded like some kind of intellectual for a second.” Daniel laughed, still sensing the remnants of the sweet nirvana.

“No shit, hey?” Rick took it as a compliment.

Daniel began laughing with an unhealthy cadence. “I need to go back there, Rick. I have to go back!”

“Go back? What the hell are you talking about?” Rick sat up on the couch, sinking in, and eyed his companion. “You never left the apartment, you fuckin’ twat.”

“No.” Daniel kept his eyes fixed on the ceiling. “You don’t understand. I left. I was somewhere else for a little while.”

“I don’t follow.” Rick reached for a cigarette. The pack had been on the coffee table next to him, where week-old Chinese food remained untouched. He packed it before picking one out at random.

“What existed before language? Words confine what is and what has been. We’ve done that as a species. We are more than the definitions we’ve created for ourselves. We’re the manifestation of the universe.” Daniel smiled, remembering the intensity of the orgasmic revelation.

After a few quick puffs from his American Spirt cigarette, Rick gave his friend a questioning glance. “What the hell are you going on about? Are you still high?”

Daniel sat up from his sprawled-out position, and his eyes were ablaze with the intensity of his words. “Rick, I have to go back. You can do that for me, can’t you?”

Concern formed on Rick’s face. “Ah shit, what have I created?”

Daniel rolled his eyes. “I’m being serious.”

Rick shrugged, letting out a few more puffs. “Okay. Yeah, sure, I can do it. Relax. Let’s say… same time next week?” Rick took another drag from his cigarette. “Sound good?”

“Yes!” Daniel smiled. “The universe is evolving, Rick. We’re a part of that evolution.”

“You’re fuckin’ crazy.” Rick began laughing as he finished his cigarette.

The conversation faded from Daniel’s mind as he raced home from class. He barreled through crowds of students and pedestrians and ran the final few blocks to his apartment from campus. Nothing could stop him. Nothing would stop him. He would reunite with his lovely machine elf.

After fumbling with his keys, Daniel burst into the apartment. A startled Rick nearly dropped his coffee mug and held his chest in relief. He placed the mug on the kitchen counter. “What the fuck, man?! I thought you were coming to collect or some shit!”

“Collect?” This confused Daniel.

“I may or may not owe someone money. No biggie. It’s being handled.” Rick assured his childhood friend. He stepped closer to Daniel. “So, do you think you’ll handle this one without the freaky commentary after?”

It had gone unnoticed initially, but Daniel realized his friend was wearing black dress slacks and a nice blue shirt with an elaborate tie to match. It was an actual tie, not the clip-on ties Rick usually wore. His long hair was groomed, and the scent of aftershave directed you to a freshly shaved face, exposing a generous jawline. Rick cleaned himself up and made himself appear respectable. “Are you going somewhere?”

“I have employment now. I’m working as a waiter downtown. You didn’t think I’d buy a tie like this, did you?” Rick cast an incredulous gaze.

“But I thought… I thought you were going to be here for this. I thought we’d do it together like the first time.” Daniel failed to hide the disappointment in his voice.

“Believe me, Danny, there is nothing I’d love more than to watch you freak the fuck out again, but you’re the one always going on and on about responsibility and shit. So here I go, becoming a productive member of society, and what do you want to do? You want to get me out of work so I can get high. I know my career choices are short-lived, but let’s just see how long I can put up with a proper job. I’m going to give myself a month for this gig. Care to wager on it?” Rick smirked as he finished getting ready.

Daniel lifted his hand up in protest. “But-”

“Hey,” Rick interrupted. “The tea is ready to go. It’s in the kitchen. Pour yourself a glass or two and enjoy. Don’t start going through my shit all high and whatnot. I must go. Don’t want to be late again. It’s my second day, after all.”

Before Daniel could utter another word, his friend was out the door and locking it behind him. The need to fulfill the dance that now defined so much of him called to his soul. The tea was fresh, and he held the cup while standing in the kitchen. He took in the flavored scent of the concoction, allowing it to penetrate his nostrils, and after a quick sip, he downed the entire cup. A smile formed. He would soon be off into another realm, but before the full effects could take hold, he poured a second cup of tea and drank it as quickly as the first. This would be a trip Daniel would never forget.

The shapes and colors surrounded his senses like a swarm of locusts. Things phased in and out of reality, and he experienced that strange connection with everything that had been such an essential facet of his first trip in the altered reality. The air tasted sweet as he inhaled, and the colors were as vibrant as ever as the molecules before his eyes danced and connected to the rhythm of creation.

I can see it! I can see the atom! The idea of it excited Daniel.

Yes, and it is yours to dance with. The female creature of Daniel’s first encounter glided near him, phasing in and out and appearing in many places at once.

How? Daniel turned to the elf creature, smiling. You are so beautiful.

Dance with me, Daniel. Dance with me. She reached for him.

Daniel felt the hands along his back even though she touched his chest. He gave himself to the female creature, surrendering everything that he was. She entered his essence, and his soul intertwined with the fabric of the elf. He was the atoms and the molecules. He was connected with everything through the empty spaces in the universe. His dance allowed reality to be. Without him, things would not exist. He found purpose. He found meaning. He found peace.

We are. Daniel’s voice now sounded strange as he fell deeper and deeper into the realm of the elves. We are. I am, but I do not exist. “I” is an illusion.

Dance Daniel, the machine elf guided him. Dance with us forever. You are with us forever. We build until others can come. Only then will the dance be no more. Until that time, we must keep dancing. She insisted; the rhythm of creation grew to higher intensities.

Why me? Why did you choose me? He asked.

Daniel felt like he smiled as she smiled, even though his lips did not move. You were receptive to us, Daniel. We knew you would be easy to bring in.

Before his consciousness connected with the rest of the creature, he regarded globular shapes hovering in the distance. He wanted to reach out to these strange shapes but somehow understood they became out of reach. He became a part of this realm. His dancing kept the fabric of the universe together.

What is that? What are those shapes? Daniel asked.

The female elf soothed Daniel’s unease. Those are the ones we await. They have yet to cross over into our realm. One day, they will come here to dance as you have.

Before the concept of language faded from Daniel’s consciousness, he did his best to focus on one shape. For the briefest second, he could have sworn he viewed his body.

I don’t like this anymore! Let me go! Daniel raged. The desperation did nothing to prevent the orgasmic euphoria, creating a confusing mix of pleasure and fear.

No Daniel. You cannot fight it. It is too late. You are meant to dance now until there is no more song. She explained.

With wild desperation, Daniel attempted to reconnect with his physical body; the elves of the surreal realm forced him back. The pain he now felt was ten times the ecstasy in reverse. Daniel would scream if he only had a voice. In the back of the consciousness that remained, he heard the female elf laughing with sadistic joy. The evil tone of laughter was so intense that if Daniel still had his body, he would have been petrified with fear.

Why? His thought was a whimper.

This is what we do, Daniel. This is how we become free of the dance. We’ve been dancing since the beginning. She explained. An edge of laughter remained in her tone.

If Daniel could have screamed, his shrieks would have been heard worldwide.

* * * *

“Will he ever wake up again?” Diane asked as she gazed upon her son with the loving eyes of a mother in pain. Daniel lay in the hospital bed of a room in the inpatient wing.

“There’s no way to say with certainty. I’m sorry. If you wish, we’ll move him to another section of the hospital where other patients with similar comas are being treated. Again, I’m sorry there isn’t much more we can do. There’s been an epidemic of young people falling into a coma from drug overdose lately. A lot have, thankfully, woken up. But I wouldn’t want to give you false hope. All we can do is wait and see.” Doctor Beckett turned from Daniel’s parents. He exited the room, leaving the family to grieve in their own way.

“I don’t understand. He was a good kid.” Bruce looked at his son, gently running his fingers through his hair. A sense of gratefulness filled his soul at not having to have him hooked up to a respirator. Daniel was simply in a nonresponsive state.

“We need to give it time, Bruce. I’m sure he’ll come out of it. He’s a fighter.” Diane spoke the words, trying to convince herself of the idea just as much as her husband. And while she monitored Daniel, she thought of all the hopes and dreams she secretly held for him. A tear fell from her eye and onto Daniel’s hospital gown.

“You’re right Danny will come out of this. He’ll bounce back and finish school. And he’ll graduate, most likely with honors, knowing how much he studies.” Bruce held back his own tears.

“He’s got a bright future ahead of him.” Diane held her husband’s hand as they both took a seat near the hospital bed. They hoped beyond hope he could hear them and wanted nothing more than for him to awaken.

Their prayers had been answered.

Daniel’s body began twitching as life returned to it. His eyes opened, and he regarded the world of flesh where substance was bound by physical laws. He soaked in the entire room with a childlike gaze as if seeing the world for the first time. Daniel’s parents shot to their feet with tears of joy.

“Daniel?” Bruce asked. Hope elevated his tone.

“Where am I? Daniel’s voice was weak. He sounded as if he were not used to speaking.

Bruce moved to hold his son’s hand while looking behind him at the open door of the hospital room. “Doctor Beckett! Doctor Beckett, you need to get in here!” He turned back to his son. “Daniel, my God, you’re okay! Thank God you’re with us!”

“Daniel?” Daniel appeared confused. The name Daniel didn’t register.

“Yes. You’re our son, Daniel.” Diane stood on the other side of her boy, holding his other hand just as tightly as his father.

“Yes. Daniel.” The elf inhabiting the body smiled from ear to ear while regarding the parents of the vessel he took over. It was a common occurrence, and she waited a long time to be a part of this realm. All she had to do was act as though she carried no recollection of this vessel’s life, and they would embrace him, filling in the missing information she needed to survive. They would all embrace her with open arms. I am Daniel, the machine elf thought.

“You okay, son?” Bruce asked.

“Yes. I’m okay.” Another smile formed on Daniel’s face. “My name is Daniel.”