My Complicated Friendship With Samantha Sanity

Although I can't remember how or when we met, As far back as my memory serves me, I remember always having Samantha in my life. We were good friends. Even if it was just for a short period of time that our relationship was as perfect as you can get under Jesus, my memories of her when we started to have issues are still cherished ones. As long as we were somehow together, as long as she was in my life, things made sense. Before the turmoil in our relationship began, all my memories were beautiful memories, memories that I can remember with clarity, not confusion. But as problems arose in our friendship, problems arose in my thoughts and memories as well. But as far back as I can remember, she has been my friend. I don't know, and never knew where she came from, but I came to know that my life with her was so much easier. Cause with her, as far as I can remember now, life was normal. Life was a pretty straight forward path, with choices along the way. As long as she was in my life, those choices were easier to make, and more than not, kept me in the right direction on my path in life. I came to love her, depend on her, and know I wanted her throughout my lifetime. I depended on her and trusted that she would always be there for me.

The first time she left, was after I had been friends with her for about 9 years, and considered her part of me. Like my other half. But it was at that time that I remember her first leaving me. In the beginning, She would usually just leave for brief periods, and I wouldn't even notice that she was gone at first. She was so sneaky, disappearing on me out of nowhere, and before I fully noticed how it truly felt without her, she would return. I just know those brief periods of her absence were so confusing, scary, and unknown. I didn't feel right when she left, even if it was just for a few hours a day. I never understood much about why she would leave back then, I'm going to guess it was because of me being scared of the dark. She didnt like that. So she would leave. And when she would leave, strange things would happen. Like I was saying, back then, when we had only been friends for about 9 years, she would leave me at night time, when we would be in bed. When she left, monsters would come out of the darkness. Flying red bats that I thought was Satan's minions would fly at my face. Worms and scorpions, and other un named creatures would come up from the ground and carpet and bite at my feet and legs. I would run to get away, as shadowy arms would reach out from the melting walls to grab me, and a vicious dog would be released from the gates of hell, out of nowhere and start chasing me from behind, all this while all the oxygen in the whole house was getting thin. I was still young then, still staying with my parents, just nine years old. I would run to my parents room, rabid hell hound right on my ankles, and jump in my parents bed for safety. My mom would comfort me, and shortly after, Samantha would return. I would dare not go back to my room before daylight though. After the same thing happening so many times, I was wise to stay in my parents bed for the night and me and Samantha would go back to my room in the morning. Samantha and me were close. Real close. Like brother and sister. I didn't make a decision without her. I mean I did, but usually they were not the best of decisions. She would leave so unexpectedly at times. And again when she did, weird things would happen. I would come home from school, me and Samantha. Having a fine day, and then she would run off. Shortly after, all the kids from school would get together, and they would come down to my house. Some had popcorn, some had chips, most had a pop. They would all, I mean all- every kid in my grade, and some from a grade lower or higher from my school, would sit around my house and watch me through the windows. They would sit and watch everything I did. Everything! And comment about it! Life was so stressful when that would happen! They would see me undress, take a shower, see my privates, and laugh at me. They would watch me get in trouble with my parents and laugh at me. They would see me hurt and cry over something I was hurt by and make comments to each other and laugh at me. I could hear them. Every word, every chuckle, until I went to sleep. Then the next day at school, Samantha would catch up to me. And no one at the school acted any different. No one at the school acted like they spent the whole last night watching me. Everything was just normal. Years went on, and Samantha and I remained friends. I believed we would always be friends. But that didn't stop her, and never would stop her, from leaving my side whenever she pleased. When she left, the world got different. I became different.

Now, after about 18 years of us being acquainted with each other, she got her belongings and just vanished. And when she left this time- it wasn't a brief absence like 9 years ago when she would leave for a few hours a day, this time she left for awhile. During that time I had another friend named X that would occupy my company in Samantha's absence. Me and him would go to wild parties together, where people would dance and take off their clothes. People would have sex out in the open view of everyone else. There would be people singing and waving batons of light. And everyone seemed to love everyone. But when those parties were over, X would leave to go his own way, and leave me alone. And Samantha, usually wouldn't come back around in X's absence. This time I really felt the misery of her disappearance. I was so lost without her, couldn't focus, couldn't make good decisions, I was so stressed, sad, scared and confused. Especially sad. So I usually would call up my pal X again, and we would step out with other friends for wild parties again. But without Samantha, I was just lost. I had a baby on the way, and didn't think I should keep the company of X anymore. He was very draining, and when he wasn't around, I was very depressed and weak. I understood then that I had to find my friend Samantha and get her back in my life. For about 3 or 4 months, I tried to find her. I went to a mental health doctor during that time, and was diagnosed with a mental illness and was put on medication. After about a month on the medication, Samantha returned to me. My baby was born, things got better. I was so happy! Stuff started going well for a few years, I broke up with my daughter's mother, met another, broke up with her and met another. That's life. But Samantha stuck with me through all of that. I took my medication throughout the years, but sometime I would stop abruptly. That would upset Samantha. So every now and again she would run off, and it would take me a few days, to a few weeks to find her and beg her to hang back out with me. Fuckin bitch. Just de-friends me when she wants without notice. But I knew- without her I was lost. I couldn't even concentrate without the comforting and friendship she gave me. She finally came back for good and didn't run back off anymore.

That took 2 years to get her to stay without leaving my side so frequently. We had been together about 20 years then I believe. I was happy again knowing her presence was with me. 2 more years, things were still good between me and Samantha. And My life started to fall back into place again. But then over the next 7 years, we would not see eye to eye about things from time to time. Especially when it came to the company we kept throughout those years. We became really close with some people, we met at the Poppy Club. Those people really came in between me and Samantha's relationship. Not came in between it per say, but made it strained. It seemed like the only time me and Samantha would be happy together, is when these people from the Poppy Club would be around. O was the name of one of them. He had a sister named...I think it was Pollep...maybe Ponelop....well we just called her Pee, and their bigger, clumsy friend Um. When they were over, me and Samantha were so happy together! But if those people didn't stop by for a few days... hell, sometimes if they didn't come over even the very next day, Samantha would leave. And I wouldn't be able to locate her without the help of our new friends from the Poppy Club. They would come over, and they would immediately jump into action of getting my friend back to me. And me and Samantha would be happy and connected on a deeper level. As long as are new friends were around. Like I said, this went on for about 7 years. Our friendship being so strong, and our bond so close, as long as we were in the company of our friends. But if they were gone too long, Samantha would leave me. It's like the withdraw from the excitement that our new friends brought was just too much for her to bear, and there went Samantha, right out of my life. Then I would be a mess without her. Couldn't get to work, couldn't handle my family, couldn't do anything. Then as usual, in her absence, weird stuff would happen. My current girlfriend at the time would cheat on me constantly. With everybody and anybody when I would be sleep and she was supposed to be at work. I would find letters to and from the suitors that lined up to have my woman. But then my friends from the Poppy club would come around, coax Samantha to come back, and she would immediately come back. Then, as if a veil was lifted, everything was ok again. My woman wasn't cheating, matter of fact, I had even forgot we had kids together and she loved me dearly. She really loved me more when Samantha was around. So me and Samantha made the decision to get away from these people from the Poppy Club. O, Pee, and Um. They are tearing us apart! Me and Samantha's friendship was On off. On, off. On, off. So we tried to get away, but our relationship would get so messed up the more we tried to move on away from them. Then one day I was introduced to a acquaintance of theirs. This new friend was such a wonderful person! Oh! How much he helped me and Samantha's relationship! He made it easier to leave our previous friends behind. As long as he came around in their absence, Samantha never thought about our old exciting friends from the Poppy Club. He made me and her bond closer, we could make choices together in agreement, without arguing, and without hesitation. In the beginning.

Life was changing, and changing for the better. Life started to really speed by, and our relationship was for this time the best it had ever been. We had been together for about 29 years at this time. Life was zooming by so fast, I can't even remember how we lost contact with the friends from the Poppy Club. From time to time we did run into our old friends, O, Pee, and Um, we would all hang out, the great new friend, and our old friends. And when our old friends would leave, me and Sammy's relationship still stayed strong. Life was great. In the beginning. This new friend of ours, he had a very cold, icy, even haunting stare. But he had put my relationship with Samantha back together so he was good in my book. He was an employee of the chemical plant off of East Math and Fedomeen street. A few months passed, and I would notice that Samantha wasn't any longer happy with our new friend. But why? He is great! Everything is going great! But Samantha didn't agree at all. Then one day, I came home, excited, and as I came to the apartment door, I felt Samantha's absence. But it was an absolute different feeling than any other time Samantha had left me. There was no trace that she even existed. In her place, this man, this man I trusted, this man I considered my friend, and I had high respect for, this man with the cold, icy stare, like he came up from the depths of a frozen pond somewhere, was right there. He became my new friend. With him around, and Samantha gone, life became unreal. I was in a power struggle between the forces of good and evil. They watched me and everything I did. Each side, good and evil had soldiers disguised as regular humans in the world who would assist me or hinder me depending on what I was doing or what situation I was in. I had to constantly make the right decisions. I lost my job, my friends, and my family when Samantha left this time. And as long as I let the man with the cold icy stare stay my friend, Samantha was not coming back. But I could say nothing. For I know that I wanted a continued friendship with this man. Because of what he did!! He showed me so many new things in the world. Hidden things. Things about the world, and life, and people that I would of never known or been able to see on my own. So I kept him around. But Samantha did not like this man at all, and would not return to me while this man was my close friend. In Samantha's absence, while hanging out with the man with the ice cold stare, I would walk down the street and cars would be following me. They would drive past me and flip around and drive back by. Over and over. All day long. No matter what I did, I was never safe. People were trying to kill me for some reason. I was constantly making weapons and collecting weapons to defend myself. I couldn't get arrested no matter what I did. The police never wanted to take me to jail. They find drugs on me, let me go. I steal from a store, they let me go. They raid a known drug house that I was at, they let me go. They would only try to call my parents or take me to a crisis center for some reason. I would never go. At night time, shadows would come alive and chase me down the road. Music would play outside. Beautiful harmonic melodies that only I could hear. There were lots of people in the trees. Watching me. Eventually, the man with the icy cold stare got old, became weak, and stopped showing me new things. So I cut him from my life. Then, due to the many times I had run ins with law enforcement, due to my actions,, due to Samantha's absence, I went to prison. And during prison, I found a inner peace, and got alot of mental help from the doctors there. Eventually, Samantha came back to me. I learned a lot, got help and made decisions that changed the workings of me and Samantha's relationship. When I was released, sought a doctor and got mental medication. And I'm strict when it comes to taking my medication. Samantha likes the fact that I'm taking better care of my self and my mind. She doesn't run off like she used to. We are still the best of friends. I say that, but she does still leave me from time to time. Just briefly though. When I stress too hard mainly. Or if she notices that I lack my medication. But she is never gone too long. Not for long periods like the times when I was heavy on those different drugs that I mentioned. Drugs? What? Read it again.