How could you forget me, Janice? Of all things to leave behind, you forget me. Not your keys. Not your coat. Not even your phone, but me. How do you not even notice that I’m missing? Can’t you feel my absence?
How could you leave me here all night? You just let me sit in this bitter cold all by myself the entire evening. I’m freezing, Janice. And I’m lonely. Don’t you realize how worthless I feel without you? Do you not know that we meant to be together?
I know you were in a hurry to get home. I know you were even later than you anticipated being. But it’s not your fault, right? Nobody could blame you for getting a flat. Nobody could blame you for having to wait for help because you never bothered to learn how to change a tire.
When you called Jack, he did offer to come and change it himself, but you assured him that CAA would arrive faster than he could get there. He’s a good man, Janice. And we both know you don’t deserve him.
We both also know you lied. There was no flat tire, there was no waiting for help. There was just you, and your co-worker Mike, who you offered a ride home.
And you sure gave him a ride, didn’t you Janice? Right here in your car, where you carelessly tossed me aside and forced me to witness your depravity. All that grunting and moaning and bouncing like you were riding a mechanical bull. You might have to buy your own mechanical toy after Jack finds out what you... never mind. You know what I mean. You know what you did.
Yeah, good old Mike from Accounts. I wonder if he thinks he’s the only one you’re screwing. Well, we both know that he’d be mistaken, don’t we? Poor sod will be lucky if he didn’t pick something up from you after you tore me off. That’s his problem though, isn’t it? At least he enjoyed himself.
He has no idea you’re screwing every Tom, Dick, and Harry you can get your legs wrapped around. Or I should say every Mike, Paul, and Everett, and whoever else in the office is willing.
And do you know who else doesn’t know what you’re doing, Janice? Your husband, Jack. At least you don’t believe he knows. But he’s not a stupid man, and he knows you. He knows what you were like before he met you, and he is keenly aware that you have no excuse for some of those late arrivals. I’m fairly sure he’s already suspicious.
You tried to plan your uh, excursions well. You’d make dates when you knew Jack was busy in executive meetings, or out visiting customers or whatnot. You got lucky a couple of times when he came home early, and you made it just before him.
But what about that last time with Everett? You showed up late and had no excuse except to say that you were in a meeting. A meeting that your husband, the owner of the company, knew nothing about. Of course, Everett backed you up. Still, I can’t believe Jack fell for that.
Why did you do it Janice? What did Jack do to deserve your infidelity? He’s a good man. He took care of you when no one else wanted anything to do with you. Even your own parents threw you out on the street. They were sick at looking at you and your walk of shame all those mornings.
Oh, I know. You were a single woman back then. You weren’t doing anything wrong. But your parents didn’t see it that way. You embarrassed them with all your partying and staying out all night with different boyfriends every week.
And you continued on that path for years after you left home. You even quit college because you were too busy gallivanting to care. Yeah, I know I wasn’t there, but the stories about you were passed down from the generations before me. My mama knows what you were like, and my grandmother too. You were quite the little tart, weren’t you Janice?
But it started to take a toll on you. You got tired of all the partying and just wanted to settle down and find someone to love you for real.
And you did. You found Jack, and he fell in love with you, just like you wanted. He believed in you. He helped you to believe in yourself and made you feel worthy of his love. He married you and fathered your children. He even gave you that job in his office, once the kids were in school.
And this is how you repay him, by running around like you’re a single woman again. You know you’re not, right Janice? You sure are behaving like it though.
I don’t know why I feel sorry for you. God knows, I shouldn’t, but I do, a little. I can’t help but wonder if you’re having some sort of breakdown. Or maybe it’s a mid-life crisis. Or maybe you’re just still the same skank you always were. Either way, you certainly seem to be enjoying yourself lately. And you don't seem to be giving any thought to all you're about to throw away.
I am confident you won’t enjoy it much when Jack comes out to move your car so he can get his out. What do you think he’s going to see, Janice? I mean, it’s not like I don’t stand out like a cotton-candy pink, lace and satin peacock. Me, in all my innocent glory, just laying there on the back seat of your car, shimmering in the morning sun against the dark leather interior.
Ha. Innocent my ass! Or I guess I should say your ass. Afterall that’s what I’m usually hugging.
I could use a warm hug right now, Janice. Come and get me, please. Everything will be okay if you just come and get me. I’ll forgive you for leaving me alone in the cold all night. Jack will never have to know anything if you’ll just come. I won’t tell him, I promise.
Uh oh! I think it may already be too late, Janice. Nothing can help you now. Jack is walking down the driveway toward me.
I’ll pray for you, Janice. Well, I would if I had hands to join in formation, or a mouth to utter the words, or a heart to actually care.