Mirena

He he he. You see me now, don’t you! Or, well, you don’t, that being the whole point. I hid for ages. I mean, seriously, months. Honestly, I thought you were never going to not find me! Which proves my point, really, doesn’t it. Oh, you loved me well, no doubt, as long as I behaved. I’ve heard you singing my praises. Though that’s all stopped now you can’t find me, hasn’t it. No praises for me now. Well, you take a thing for granted, never check how I’m doing, and there’s going to be trouble, isn’t there. And here it is. Trouble. How’d you like them apples then?

I’m going to let you stew a while, you know. I think you deserve it, and I am perfectly comfy here. Snuggly, actually. You know when you climb into bed, not on the first day after you’ve cleaned your sheets, on the next one, when the stiffness is worn out of them and they fold around you, just draping the contours of your body? When you curl yourself up, knees bent, hips bent, spine bent, arms, neck, all curved and rounded and snug, and the duvet still drapes, dipping into the hollow of your stomach, behind your knees, foreshortening the bed at your retracted toes? And your head sinks deep into the softest pillow like your mother’s softened body just accommodating you fully, just letting you melt into a slackened suspension? Yeah. That’s how comfortable I am right now. I am in zero hurry.

What are you going to do about it then? I know, you’ll come back for another root around tomorrow. Maybe the next day. You’re probably going to give my more attention in the next week than I’ve had in the last four years, aren’t you. It doesn’t change it. You can’t just make up for neglect.

I know we didn’t get on well at first. You have to know that was as much you as me though. And you were the one who asked for this relationship. Credit to you, you stuck with me, you adjusted to me, it can always be tricky settling into a new routine, but we got there, we both did our part. And then? Then the rot set in didn’t it. As soon as everything was tickety-boo, you took me for granted didn’t you. What was it, did you just assume that because I wasn’t making trouble I was ok? Yes? Do you treat other things in your life that way too? I think you do, you’ve never struck me as too hot on the “upkeep” side of living. No. Let’s wait for a problem and then fix it, that seems to be your mantra. No, no, I acknowledge, it’s not what you SAY. But it’s what you do, and which do you think is more important? Prevention is better than cure. I should know.

I should know. I guess none of us are our best selves when we’re hurt. I do wonder what our relationship is going to be moving forward from here. We had a trust, didn’t we? I guess it’s harder to trust me now. Perhaps I’m cutting my nose to spite my face. Perhaps you won’t want me anymore. We both knew it couldn’t last forever, that you would one day move on. Anyone who gets a puppy expects to have to say goodbye to it one day, and heaven help us, you should outlive me. We both want that. But we had a bit more time together, you and I, and maybe I have screwed that up. But there were always meant to be strings attached in this deal. Certainly from my end. Have I screwed that up? Is it too late? Your great big logical brain thinks I am lost, not hiding, right? Right?

Or are you telling stories about me, bestowing emotion, intent, a voice even, where there is honestly none to be found? No one meant any harm here, agreed?

Hello?

I think I might be talking to myself.

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Authors note. There will be a proportion of people who know, and a proportion who do not, my apologies if this makes absolutely no sense on first reading.