Mami Water: The man and the Moon

Last night I was walking home next to the river Benue, when something strange happened to me. It was late at night and I’d had a long and difficult day at work.

There was a large full moon in the sky and everything was quiet. I was tired and lonely and I’d just had a few pints of kunu aya (locally made drink popular in Nigeria) in my local pub, so I decided to stop by the riverside and look at the moon for a while.

I sat on some steps very close to the water’s edge and looked up at the big yellow moon and wondered if it really was made of cheese. I felt very tired so I closed my eyes and after a few minutes, I fell asleep.

When I woke up, the moon had moved behind a cloud and it was very dark and cold. The wind was blowing and an owl hooted in a tree above me.

I rubbed my eyes and started to get up, when suddenly I heard a splash. I looked down at the water and saw something.

Something terrible and frightening, and unlike anything I’d ever seen before. Something was coming out of the water and moving towards me.

Something green and strange and ugly. It was a long green arm and it was stretching out from the water to grab my leg. I was so scared that I couldn’t move. I’d never been so scared in my whole life.

The cold green hand was moving closer and closer when suddenly there was a blue flash and a strange noise from behind me.

Someone jumped onto the stairs next to me. He was wearing strange clothes and he had a crazy look in his eyes.

He shouted “get back!” and pointed something at the monster in the water.

There was a bright flash and the monster hissed and disappeared.

I looked up at the man. He looked strange, but kind. “Don’t fall asleep by the river when there’s a full moon”, he said “The Mami Water will get you.” I’d never heard of mami water before.

I didn’t know what to do. “Who… who are you?” I asked him. “You can call me… Mr Speaker.” He said.

I was trying to think of something else to say when he turned around and said, “Watch the stars at night, and be careful of the full moon”.

I was trying to understand what he meant, when there was another blue flash and I closed my eyes. When I opened them again, he had gone.

I couldn’t believe what had happened. What on earth were Mami Water, and who was the mysterious Mr Speaker? And why had he saved me? I was determined to find the answers to these strange questions. I stood up, looked at the moon and quickly walked away.

When I arrived home that night, I immediately wrote everything that had happened into my diary.

“I could make a great podcast out of this”, I thought to myself…

The next day I told Bala, my friend what had happened.

“I know just the person who can help you!” he said, “There’s a man who lives in Lifecamp Street, in the centre of Abuja”, he said.

“Yes, I know where Lifecamp Street is – it’s quite a famous street y’know”

“Yes! Anyway, this man is the best detective in Abuja! He’s the most brilliant mind there is. The police have to use him to solve all their crimes, and some say that even the Emir asks him for help when he has lost his car key down the back of the sofa! You should go and visit him. I’m sure he’ll be able to help you.”

I took the address and immediately went to Lifecamp Street on the underground. I took the Golden Spring Line, and changed at Jabi Park station, but the Sitek line was closed, so I had to get back on the Golden Spring Line and then change at Sunnyvale Square onto the Southern Line, but that was delayed due to engineering works and a signal failure at Waterloo station. But finally, after an hour an a half on the underground, I arrived at Lifecamp Street. I found the address: Flat number 15c and knocked on the door. An elderly woman answered.

“Yes?” she said.

“Umm, hello, I’m here to get some help. A friend told me to come”

“Alright, come in then.”

We walked through into the hallway. I could smell pipe tobacco, and what sounded like a cat being murdered in the next room. Then I realised it was a violin being played, very badly.

The woman knocked on the door of the front room, and the violin stopped playing.

“There’s a man here to see you” “Yes, yes, I know” said a loud, commanding voice from inside the room. “Show him in Mrs Laraba, thank you”

Mrs Laraba stepped aside, and I walked into the room.

I immediately felt nervous and awkward. There, standing at the fireplace was a very unique looking man. He was tall and thin, and old. I’m not sure how old he was exactly. His hair was going grey, and his skin was wrinkled, but his eyes were bright and youthful. He could have been as old as 80, but he had the spirit of a much younger man.

He was wearing a brown suit, with a waistcoat, and long leather winter boots. In his hand, he was holding a Stradivarius violin, of very fine quality. On the mantelpiece next to him was a smoking pipe.

“Umm, my friend Bala recommended you. He said that you would be able to assist me” I said.

“Bala ko? Hmmm?” said the man. “And…?”

“Oh, and, well, the thing is, I need your help… it’s…”

“Well, what do you think Maleek?” Said the man, quickly, and only then did I realise that there was a third person in the room. To my right, in a dark leather armchair, there was a red faced man, probably about 65 years old. He had a large brownish red moustache which covered his top lip. In his hand was a large glass of Brandy, and in his other hand, a cigarette. He seemed very comfortable, as if he had just woken up from a lovely sleep by the fire”

“Huh…? Oh, hello! How do you do?” he said, smiling at me and yawning.

“What do you think Maleek?” Snapped the man with the violin.

“Oh, err… a student? Perhaps a waiter… erm… ah! An unemployed librarian!”

“No no no! Maleek. Completely wrong! Don’t overcomplicate matters! Now, let me try…”

I stood there, feeling confused. The tall man looked at me. “Your name is Rasheed, am I right?”

“Well, how on earth did you guess…?”

“Not a guess Mr Rasheed… Not a guess… Allow me to demonstrate something for you, if I may”

I stood in silence. I was in the presence of a great mind, I could understand that now.

“Let me see…”

He looked me up and down for a second.

“I would say that you are an English teacher… of no more than 10 years experience, but no less than 5. Let’s say 8 and a half years.”

I was gobsmacked.

“You worked in the far east, didn’t you?” “In Japan?”

“yes! Yes I did!”

“Kanagawa prefecture?”

“Oh my god, yes!”

“Now, I suppose something happened to you, near the river, which you don’t understand, and you need answers, so your friend told you to come and see me so I could sort it all out for you, is that right?”
“Oh – My – GOD! How did you know…? It must be magic, or … a trick!”


“Alright, I’ll tell you” he said, with a bored look on his face.

“Using simple empirical methods of observation and deduction, the truth will almost always reveal itself to you as the most reasonable answer. You just look at the evidence, and think logically. Usually, the simple answer is the best.”

“Would you like a cup of tea? He might take a while” It was Mrs Laraba.

“Oh, yes please” “two sugars”…

The man continued… “One simple look at your hands revealed your occupation. Your nails are badly chewed and damaged. This must be due to stress. A common problem for any teacher, but especially one that has to deal with demanding students from different countries who all want to know about the difference between all the past perfect continuous passive conditional verb tenses, and adjectival noun phrases and reduced non defining relative participle clauses and such matters.”

I looked at my fingers, he was right. The nails were a terrible mess… “I saw also that your hands are very dirty with blue and red ink. This must be from using whiteboard marker pens. You write on the board, and in your haste you make a mistake, and then quickly rub it off with your hand, hoping that no-one notices…”

“Umm, yes, that’s true.”

“That’s the evidence which told me that you must be an English teacher.”

“Wow!” I said

“Yes, that and the fact that you’re holding a copy of New Headway Upper Intermediate Teacher’s Book by Liz and John Soars from England, which kind of gave it away… oh, and Maleek googled you before you arrived, but anyway… On your face I noticed wrinkles – around your mouth and eyes. This is from smiling all the time, to keep your students happy, is it not?”

“Yep. Well done. Right again”, I said, sipping my tea, getting a little impatient. “Umm, sorry but could you hurry up a bit? It’s just that this is going to be a really long podcast, and I don’t want anyone to stop listening…”

“Yes yes! I counted the wrinkles on your face, and estimated that since graduating from university of Ibadan, you have been smiling at students for exactly 8.5 years. Simple: Count the wrinkles on the face, divide by 5 (the average teaching hours per day) and the result: 8.5 years.”

“Fair enough” I said.

“And when you entered the room, you bowed slightly. This must be body language which you picked up while living in Japan.”

“Yep. Well done… very good”

I was getting annoyed and impatient. I gulped down my sugary tea.

“OK, you’ve convinced me, you’re a brilliant detective. Now, will you help me out please, Mr…?”

“It’s Kyari, Abba Kyari, and this is my companion, Dr Maleek”

“Wow, it really is Abba Kyari”, I thought. “I’ve read so much about him, but I never thought he was real! And his faithful companion Dr Maleek! Fantastic!” I looked again at Maleek. He was fast asleep in his chair.

“WAKE UP MALEEK!” shouted Kyari, throwing a chess piece at him. It bounced off Maleek's head, and he woke up suddenly, and smiled at me sleepily. “So, how can we help you then Mr Raheem?”

“It’s Rasheed you fool!” Shouted Kyari quickly” “And we must hurry to the riverside in Jabi immediately! There’s another mystery to solve! Come Maleek!”

“How did you know it was Jabi…?”
“Oh, never mind…” said Kyari.

The three of us jumped in a cab on Lifecamp Street and drove to Jabi bridge. On the way there, I told Kyari about how I’d sat down by the river the night before, how it had been a full moon, how a green monster had nearly grabbed me, how I’d heard weird noises and seen a strange blue light and how I’d been saved by a mysterious man called Mr Speaker. When we arrived I took Kyari and Maleek to the spot where everything had happened. A cold chill ran down my spine as I remembered it all again.
To be continued...


Mami Water