Madness

We weren’t warned what the aftermath would be like. No one would dare to assume that we have tragedies of our own. No one would think that our battles last much longer. Because we wouldn’t tell what really happened.

“Don’t do it.” Talin tightened his grip around my wrist.

I looked around, and kept my voice low when I spoke. “Why not? Are we to smile and nod for the rest of our lives?”

“Eivor, do whatever you want, just not this.”

“This is the only thing I want to do. Every time they put us on stage, we lie. Every time.”

Talin shook his head. “Nym and Erin are gonna argue with you on this.”

“Please?”

A woman ushered us down the hall where Nym and Erin were waiting. Their laughter died the instant they saw our irritated expressions.

“What’s wrong?” Nym asked, her many braids falling forward as she leaned towards me.

I looked at Talin, half focused on a conversation with Erin. “Nothing.”

The look she gave me said she knew better, but she straightened up and turned to the woman that brought us here.

“He’ll call all of you up in just a minute. Stick to the answers you’ve memorized.” She turned her back on us.

We were all strategically placed in some form of gold. Be it mixed in with different colors, different fabrics, different styles, we were always placed in gold for things like this. It was, of course, to match the lockets around our necks. It was the same golden heart on each of us. Our burden.

“Ravenne ‘Nymm’ Zaggar!” the announcer called. Nym gave me a quick hug before grabbing handfuls of her dress and running out onto the stage.

“Coldoc ‘Erin’ Leyn!”

“Osirius ‘Talin’ Zuko!” Talin gave me a look of warning, then headed out.

“Railee ‘Eivor’ Merka!” I ran on stage, smiling and waving like this was the one place I wanted to be.

Talin and I were seated on a red leather loveseat, one small circular table away from Nym and Erin. I risked one more pleading glance at Talin, but he gave a small shake of his head. Those who haven’t studied him might not have caught the warning in it. The anger in it.

All four of us, smiling faces, turned to the host, a large man with a beard that looked like it had not been trimmed since the war.

“So, Coldoc, I heard…”

The man went on and on, asking endless questions about the rebuilding of the city, our messages for people, and, most inconviniently, the war. We always purposefully stayed vague when the story got near the end, though our hands itched to touch the lockets around our necks.

“Railee, any details about the victory we haven’t heard of?”

I felt my three companion’s eyes on me. A mixture of nervousness, and guilt shown in their eyes, but only Talin looked scared that I might actually give us away.

I looked away, imagining the audience watching the broadcast anxiously, waiting for a single piece of new information. Then, I turned to the host.

Yes. There is something. Something we vowed to carry to our deathbeds. The only reason the war is over, the only reason for our slowly reforming civilization. Why we wear our lockets, and why we are all so damaged.

The Elkri had driven most everyone to madness. There was no discerning those who were going to turn from those who could be of actual use. It was Erin’s idea to isolate them. Him and Nym built barriers and roadblocks around the city while Talin and I drew them out.

The only blessing that night was that only two Elkri were left. The rest had either died or retreated. So we weren’t facing the whole army.

We led it to the forest knowing Nym and Erin would meet us there.

The Elkri had hid. It was impossible to tell if they could see us, but we had to guess that they would spot us if they hadn’t already.

“What’s our game plan?” Nym had asked. We were huddled in a tight cluster of trees. We figured it would give us the most cover.

“I’m not sure. We could try to find them but that seems stupid. They would come for us instantly.”

“Okay, so Erin’s got nothing. Eivor?”

I shook my head, then stopped. “Actually, there is something.” I locked eyes with Erin. “We could be stupid.”

Nym tilted her head. “Scout them out?”

“Not exactly. Something stupider.”

“Eivor. We are not drawing them to us,” Talin chimed in.

Nym raised her eyebrows. “Explain.”

“They have to get close to us to do any damage. Be it madness or injury, they can’t do anything without coming near us. Neither of us can hide forever. I say we speed up the process.”

“What would we do when they come?”

I shrugged. “We still don’t know how exactly to defeat them, but I think a healthy mix of stabbing and shooting might do something.”

We all got lost in our own views of the idea before Erin piped up. “It may actually make sense.”

“Sense?”

“Fine. Maybe it doesn’t. But it’s all we have. Plus, Eivor’s right: we can’t stay hidden forever.”

Nym bit her lip, eyebrows furrowing in concentration. “Fine,” she decided, though her voice gave away that she still wasn’t sure, “let’s do it. Talin?”

He looked at us with eyes predicting certain failure. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

We all stepped out of our cover in the trees, suddenly aware of how insane this was.

Nym and Erin shared a look of worry and I tried not to feel too guilty. I turned to see Talin giving me a look that I didn’t understand, but I didn’t have much time to figure it out. We all gripped our weapons a little tighter when we heard the signature screech of the Elkri.

I turned, looking to the darkest parts of the woods. That’s what they were, after all: darkness. Or, some version of it. It never did seem wise for the government to mess with technology they didn’t understand.

I saw both the remaining Elkri slithering quickly towards our tense group. I squeezed the trigger, the safety never turned on, and watched as the rest of the group followed suit. One by one our shots flew at the Elkri one after the other, but it seemed to merely slow them down. They were getting stronger.

“Eivor, this isn’t doing anything,” Talin urged, still firing, as the Elkri came too close for comfort.

“I think--”

You don’t know what you think. The unpleasant tone of the Elkri sounded in my head. You propose plan after plan and they always lead to endangering your friends.

I hung my head, closing my eyes for a brief moment. Okay, I guess madness is the route we’re going with.

Drop them. My muscles instantly began fighting to break free of my control. I watched as my fingers slowly uncurled from their familiar spot around the handle of my gun, and listened as it thudded agianst the sticks and grass. I turned to the other three, seeing the horror in their eyes as the same thing happened to them.

Good. I watched as the Elkri began to slither in circles around us. You won’t need those anyway. Why kill us? We were created for this very purpose. For punishment. We are no more messed up than you are. Don’t you remember the tank?

The image conjured instantly in my mind. The tank. I was drawn to be Carrier for the day. I was to deliver punishments. I was to use the tank.

I watched as the man slipped into the tank, gasping at how cold the water was. I knew how cold the water was. I also knew him. This man was not a good man. I had a vendetta against this man. He didn’t fight when he saw that his timer was set far longer than he had been told; he knew he deserved it. But no one was supposed to close the lid. No one was supposed to leave him screaming, pounding against the glass because he couldn’t breathe. But I did. I stood, watching, unable to move. Shocked. But I let him stay in there.

Talin’s nails dug into my shoulder as he gripped me, pulling me to reality. “Eivor, you can’t let them get to you.” I looked at him, wide-eyed but otherwise unshaken. “You can’t.”

I turned to see Nym and Erin on the ground, tear-stained cheeks. Shaking. I let my hand fall out of Talin’s as I knelt beside them. I gripped Nym’s soldiers.

“Hey,” I said. “Nym.” I watched as her glassy eyes suddenly turned brown again. “You’re okay, you’re okay. It was just the Elkri. You’re okay. Erin-”

In a matter of seconds Nym had woken Erin from his brief state of hallucination; his short glimpse at madness.

When I turned my attention back to Talin, he was staring stone-faced at the Elkri.

I stood up. “What’s wrong?”

“They did it so easily,” he said, not taking his eyes off them.

“To us maybe. You seem fine. As long as one of us stays sane enough to keep the others going, we can do this.”

He shook his head. “Madness finds its way to each of us eventually. That doens’t exclude me.”

“So what are you saying? We just give up? Accept that we’ll never win?”

Talin tilted his head down. “No,” he murmured.

Nym and Erin stood up beside us. “What’s going on?” Nym asked.

“I don’t know. Talin? What are you thinking?”

He spoke quietly. “We’ve been chasing these things in circles. We aren’t getting anywhere, but there might be something that can help us.”

“Like what?”

“A deal.”

“You want to make a deal with darkness?” Erin asked skeptically.

“It’s not some fantasy creature. It’s science. There must be some human in it.”

“And if there’s not?” Nym asked.

Talin shrugged. “I say we wager our bets.”

“Talin--” he shrugged off a hand I had placed on his shoulder-- “what exactly do you mean by a deal?”

“There’s only two Elkri left; we can handle it.”

“Handle what?”

“Madness. We let them feed off us. Offer ourselves up as bait.”

I shifted on my feet. “How would that even work?”

“The Elkri will know,” he said confidently.

I sucked in cold air. “You already made a deal didn’t you? That’s why you were left standing when the Elkri attacked.”

Nym and Erin looked horror struck, but all I felt was pity. This boy before me had so easily given up. No. That’s not what he was doing. He was trying to protect everyone. Four minds for everyone else. It was an easy trade. Let the cursed be cursed.

“Okay,” I whispered. “Okay.”

Maybe the madness was strongest then. None of us can seem to remember the exact process. There was just pain. Hysteria. And the lockets. But we all promised never to tell. How would the people react knowing that their heroes had monsters living inside them?

I fingered the locket, but kept on smiling. “Nope. Nothing new.” Talin looked at me with grateful eyes.

“Thank you,” he whispered as we walked off the stage.

I shrugged my hand out of his and kept on walking, blinking through blurring vision.

No one would hear what really happened. But the madness would one day show it.