Lost and Found: Bruised

I never really understood the point of my life.

I came into this world as a cuddly toy. I just so happened to be a 35” tall, behemoth furry creature. I was aware that I was huge–way bigger than I feel I should’ve been. It wasn’t my fault though as I can’t control how I look.

I understand that I was a gift to a newborn baby girl on the day she was born. I was a gift from a family friend to her. However, she was always terrified of me. All I wanted was to love her, but she would always scream when she saw me–especially in the dark, when my eyes would pierce through the black room by the slightest beam of light.

I would hear:

“I had a dream that the bear came to life and hurt me”

and

“I’m scared–I don’t want to go in the room alone with the bear”

Reverberate off the large hollow walls in the big toy room in that house frequently. Filling my heart with emptiness.

I never meant for anyone to fear me. It’s not my fault that I was frozen with an intimidating grim scowl on my face. Or the fact that I was given two beady, lifeless eyes that would just forever stare straight ahead eerily. I don’t know who created me, but I know for sure it was never my intention to cause anyone harm or fear.

As time went on in that house, I remember one random day I was picked-up by the little girl’s father and relocated. I can’t really recall what exactly happened–but all I knew was that I saw nothing but black for a long…long time.

Soon, I saw light again… Just to be shoved away in the dark once more. In an unknown location different from the house I recognized before.

I was unpacked, and shoved in a dark underground area filled with dust and debris. I was terribly confused as to where I was and why I was put there all alone for such a very long time.

Lost and afraid in this perpetual void–I began to question meaning in everything. I also began questioning if I was ever loved by anyone ever… Even the one who created me.

A deep, harrowing sadness crept over me for years. Turning my once brown eyes completely gray and departed.

…So much time later… I heard a bizarre crreeaakk in the floorboard above me one day. During that time it had been so long since anything had really caught my attention… but I remember that creak seemed like it was coming for me.

I listened some more…

Then all of a sudden…

Boom Boom Boom

click click Scrape Scrape

I thought that the world was ending I heard such shocking noises of cluttering and scraping.

I heard the sound of a rapid beast flailing down the concrete stairs.

I heard the nails scratching the floor in a deafening volume as the thing was speeding closer towards me…

Then I heard the

Phhoomm!!!! Crash!!!!

Of a door swinging wide open to where I was located— buried under mountains of items and bags.

hehehehehehehe

I heard the panting of a large, ferocious animal. Time went by before the animal stopped on a pile of items standing right on top of me. I felt the weight of the thousand pound monster crushing me under all the bags that have engulfed me. I felt it sniff my ear.

Sni sni

Sni snifffff

In absolute horror, I saw the ugly, mangy creature in the dark before it snatched me by my neck and took me up the stairs to the light.

I felt its hard, powerful incisors clamp down on my cuddly neck, as I felt my body being dragged up those stairs faster than the speed of sound.

woooooopppppoppp

I felt everything ripping from the force of being yanked and whipped-around so violently.

Cccccrrrrrrrrrhhhh

I felt the indescribable pain of having my cute, little brown nose chomped off my body with such force.

I also felt abrasions on the side of my body and neck–stuffing started to pour out.

I felt that powerful monster’s lively energy and its exhilarated heartbeat thump against my head as it continued to shake and devour me.

What seemed like centuries of woe and blindness, I finally heard a booming voice that shook the walls :

“No!!!”

A human appeared and scared the monster away. I couldn’t see who the person was who saved me right away, but I could sense their grief even above my own pain.

I came to soon realize that the person who saved me and picked me up was the little girl who once feared me–all grown-up. She never left. She was still here the whole time, but it was I who was misplaced.

I finally felt love for the first time when I was stitched back together by the same girl. And again when I was moved back into another room in which she currently resides.

Now I’m with her again, but now within her dark closet–seeing her again and again every once in a while.

…I still don’t really know what my purpose is here. However, I embrace everything that I’ve been through. I’ve taught people remarkable lessons–like learning to love and appreciate what they got. I’ve even learned to love myself–no matter how scary I may look to others.

Even though I’m bruised and have been through the worst, I’ve found peace and acceptance in that. These scars and tears are what remind me of what really matters– building strength and character.