Kaspian’s Dilemma

Kaspian snorted derisively, tendrils of smoke escaping from his enormous nostrils. He simply couldn’t accept this was happening again so soon. It had only been a week since the last infestation had been cleared out and here was the start of another one! These pestilential creatures kept wandering into his forest and he was NOT having it! Didn’t they understand that this territory was strictly off limits to non-dragonian kind? Perhaps he should post a sign?

He studied the pathetic beast as it snored peacefully on the damp forest floor. He reached out a claw and tentatively poked the tiny creature. Ugh. Disgusting. It was wet and sticky! What was this? Poisonous slime? Had he been infected?

Oh, nevermind. It was only drool.

But whyyyyy? Why, why, WHY was it his responsibility to patrol the southern border of the forest? Why couldn’t he still be in charge of the northern border where nothing ever happened? Or, even better, the western side of the realm where the only invaders were the mountain lions?

Yes, mountain lions, Kaspian mused fondly. Those were at least moderately tasty once the fluffiness had been burned away with a quick ten to fifteen second burst of flame (side note! Keep your flames at about 30% of maximum intensity level and sweep quickly side to side to avoid charring the ear tips).

But humans? Ugh. Just, no.

They tasted like soggy sacks of unseasoned sludge if left uncooked and they were just too scrawny to char evenly without burning to an unappetizing crisp. Kaspian lamented his luck. Humans made for such disappointing snacks!

Not that he had ever eaten one this young! No, Kaspian was no monster! Only a completely soulless barbarian would eat another creature’s youngling. No, he would find a way to chase it back to its pack somehow, keeping his distance, just like he had with the last one. The herd of humans had recently set up an encampment right at the edge of the forest and had even started constructing some kind of permanent dwellings. Kaspian was not pleased.

Wait. Was it moving? Oh for scales sake, he had woken it up with his poke. Or had it been the smoky snort? Whatever. It was awake now and he would have to deal with the thing. It sat up, blinked up at him with its beady little blue eyes, and promptly began to sob.

How rude! He had always thought that he was rather glorious to behold! Now, how to cheer the thing up? Perhaps a song? He took a deep breath and began to belt out “Oh Dragon, Dragon, Burning Bright” but the little beast only started screeching like a roasting groundhog.

Oh! Perhaps it was hungry? Yes, that was certainly it! He hoped that it would accept his offering of some slightly stale squirrel chips and stop making that awful noise. He had charred the squirrels a few days ago but hadn’t gotten around to finishing off the batch quite yet. He deposited a pile of the chips next to the creature but that only made it wail with greater gusto.

There was only one more thing that Kaspian could think of that could be the problem… Kaspian rolled his smoldering green eyes heavenward and sent a silent prayer to the Great Dragon in the sky.

Please, oh merciful Great One, don’t let this one have a poopy diaper like the last one did.

He gathered his courage and sniffed the air in the general vicinity of the child’s backside. Oh, sweet relief! That wasn’t the problem. Oh, SCALES, it was crawling now. Right toward him! Kaspian froze, his eyes wide with growing horror.

Oh no, it couldn’t be. Yes. It was. He pinched his eyes shut as tightly as he could as he felt two stringy little arms wrap around his foreleg. He couldn’t believe it. The little thing actually wanted to CUDDLE with him.

Nope. ABSOLUTELY NOT. This was his cue. Kaspian quickly scooped the slimy toddler up into his jaws, cradling it gently with his tongue so that his fangs wouldn’t scratch it and slice off an arm by accident. That would be a mess! He launched himself skyward and flew low over the treetops towards the edge of the forest.

It only took a few seconds of flight before he was landing with a heavy thud in the middle of the very startled herd of humans. He let his tongue flop out of his mouth and the little creature rolled down and out onto the grass, giggling with glee. A female human rushed forward and took the thing into her arms.

But what was this now? The rest of the pack of humans, rather than bowing to him and offering him their livestock as payment, actually began to make warrior noises and point sharp sticks at him. The nerve! After he had just safely returned their runaway slobber toddler?

Kaspian couldn’t speak human but he gave them a throaty growl and tried to impart all of his feelings of frustration into the fiery glare that he fixed upon them. For good measure he also shook his massive, horned head at the humans in disgust so that they would definitely understand how pathetic he found their parenting prowess. Then with a flick of his tail, he turned around and stomped back into the trees.

This had BETTER be the last human child he ever found wandering beyond the southern edge of the forest.