Jam Out with your Clam Out

Clouds parted and a speck appeared among aureate rays of sunlight. Beak tucked between her wings, a swan fell from the sky toward a chrysocolla colored sea. A second before splashing down, the swan unfurled her wings and took flight. She soared above volcanic archipelagos and islands of beige sand. As if guided by Gaia. She was on her way to Japan.

The year was 1986. And the number one song worldwide was Messiah, by Khris Diab. The Swan jammed out to it on cassette tape driving through Tokyo’s Shinjuku district at night in a yellow corvette wearing a white dress, turquoise colored high heels, big silver hooped earrings, and neon pink lipstick. Arriving in Tokyo, the Swan took human form — an alluring brunette named Amy. And today was her nineteenth birthday.

She was on her way to meet her friends Julia and Melissa, at a bar called Deathmatch in Hell, to celebrate. Julie was a flamingo from Mumbai, and Melissa a peacock from South Africa — now working as a model. Also present, there would be Dan, an Ivy League dropout from Ohio who was of entirely human birth, and was living in Tokyo on his father’s dime. Dan had no idea of the girls’ true nature. He was just happy to buy them drinks and sometimes take them out on the yacht and he was hoping to sleep with Amy soon.

At the bar, the girls all had flutes of Prosecco and Campari with a twist of orange. Dan drank a Negroni. After a second round of the same thing, they all moved to the dance floor. The song Weird Science was playing, and there was a screen upon which was being projected the movie Blue Velvet (without sound) and the light and shadows of it fell upon their bodies as they danced in front of the screen. Lovesong, by the Cure came on next. And during it, Dan and Amy kissed.

Dan excused himself to the men’s room, and while he was gone, Amy was approached by short and stocky man in a gray suit. There’s someone that would like to meet you, he said, offering to take her by hand. When Dan emerged from the restroom, he found Amy sitting at a large booth surrounded by a small entourage of well dressed yet tough looking men, and she was conversing with a handsome bearded fellow who just kissed her hand.

“RIP your nut, bro.” A guy said to Dan who had also seen what was going on.

“What, dude?” Dan said.

“That dude basically has a 125% chance of stealing your girl. Do you know who that is? They call him the Octopus. And do you know why? Because he can make eight women climax simultaneously. Yeah. One on each big toe, one on each thigh, fingering two more, one in his face, and one on his…” the dude realized he was talking to himself. Dan had already stormed out.

Over at the booth, Amy and Michael (aka The Octopus) drank ginjo sake.

“I’d like you to come away with me, this weekend.” Michael said to Amy.

"To where?” She asked, demure.

“Kyoto,” he said. “There’s a hot spring there. A resort. Just for the day. We’ll take the bullet train, and have you back before you turn into a pumpkin”.

“Ok, “she said.

…

Michael was born an octopus in 1941 in Pearl Harbor, under the sea. He’d swum to Japan and taken human form to go on and earn for the Tokyo yakuza as an adult film star before making an enemy out of yakuza superboss Mr. Mazuko by sleeping with his wife which incited massive warfare, Michael of which emerging as the victor, and he was now a wealthy construction magnate and man of leisure.

…

In the hot spring, Amy (a white swan), marveled at the way Michael’s body was tattooed black to the point that he appeared to be wearing a wetsuit. Normally, no one with tattoos is allowed entrance to the springs, much less someone who is completely covered save the face, hands and feet, but Michael’s being a highly respected and influential person, the resort granted him an exception. In the distance, an argent Mt. Fuji appeared to float in the afternoon sky. Amy sat next to Michael and put her head on his shoulder.

…

From afar, a man in a bronze Mercedes spied on them. He set down the binoculars onto the passenger seat and took a drag from his Hagetaka, or vulture, brand cigarette. It was Mr. Mazuko. As far as Michael knew, his crew had taken out Mr. Mazuko during that great war in the sixties. But he must have somehow gotten away. Mr. Mazuko snuffed his cigarette out in the ashtray and stroked a chrome 357 magnum with a silencer and laser in his lap like a cat. Then he pointed the gun at Michael and at Amy too who were still steaming it up in the pool unawares of the evil that beheld them nor did Mr. Mazuko shine the laser beam lest he betray his presence. You both will die, he swore, and then drove away.

…

Michael and Amy were married that August in a dawn ceremony among cherry blossoms and the great mountain Fuji that appeared as if it had just come from Holi, the Festival of Colors, as it shown pink and purple in the golden light and bestowed every blessing upon the party.

“You may now kiss the bride,” the clergyman said. But before he could, a laser light appeared on Amy’s forehead. Michael threw her out of the way and dove on top of her. The bullet meant for Michael’s beloved instead hit the clergyman in the neck casting an arterial spray over the bejeweled cherry trees.

Mr. Mazuko and seven of his henchman stormed in wielding guns and samurai swords and they fired shots into the air and all attendees scattered save Michael and Amy who were left to face the murderous clan alone.

Michael pushed Amy behind him and Mr. Mazuko lowered the giant hand canon at Michael but just before he could pull the trigger, something reached out and plucked the gun from his hand. A long, black tentacle.

The would-be assassins stopped dead in their tracks and turned to run and some of them dropped their swords and guns and turned to leave but it was already too late as Michael’s numerous limbs snatched them all up simultaneously and pulled them back in and began to gobble them up like some Goyan Saturn devouring his young and they all died by the big black octopus Michael had become save Mr. Mazuko who was on the run.

Amy also resumed the form of beautiful swan and she took off toward Mt. Fuji and the blood red rising sun.

Michael became human again and picked up one of the samurai swords from the ground and gave chase to Mr. Mazuko. He caught up to him by one of the cherry trees and Mr. Mazuko turned around and his mouth yawned agape and Michael stabbed him threw the mouth and pinned his head to the tree and left him standing there, austere as a palace guard.

…

On top of Mt. Fuji, that day. The newlywed Amy and Michael, swan and octopus consummated their marriage and the Swan conceived.