jack of diamonds

CHAPTER 16 Pt 1 SKULLDUGGERY

As Artie entered the foyer at Marlborough, he thought it was about as close to home as he’d ever feel. There were the same wide bannisters on the staircase he remembered from his own youth, along with the black and white checkered floor he and his sister used to play on; potted plants, statues, paintings, bookcases, all the knick-knacks he’d expect to find in Rolvenden Manor were placed tastefully about the entryway. He looked up at the large chandelier hanging over the entrance and smiled. He remembered leaping from the bannister to the chandelier on a dare from his brother when he was sixteen years old. Well, it had been more than just a leap, he remembered. He’d had to take a running start, and that had involved running up a length of the bannister before leaping out and latching onto whatever handhold was available. His parents were furious with him as they had to bring a ladder in for him to climb down.

But it had been worth it.

He held his hand out to Jenny, who was dressed in a Little Bo Peep costume, her ample breasts on display.

“And what’s that saying?” he whispered to her as he helped her negotiate the three short steps leading into the salon. “ ‘My cups runneth over?’ ”

“Very funny,” she said, obviously not amused.

She was wearing a large silver wig projecting a foot above her head, its ringlets and curls barely able to contain her own lustrous lochs which appeared to have been wrapped up tight underneath, not allowing the wig to sit properly.

“I’d suggest you don’t make any sudden moves,” he added.

“And I suggest you fuck off,” she replied, offering him a small curtsy as he let go of her hand and offered his own bow.

She looked back and pulled at the long train of her dress, reaching for it with her shepherd’s hook, which itself was wrapped with gold ribbons that were already beginning to come unravelled. The whicker basket she carried was filled with silk flowers that were tied together and looked about to fall out.

“Are you just going to stand there?” she asked, looking at Gerald, and then looking at the obvious snag where her train had caught.

“I thought you were doing quite well enough,” he laughed.

“And must I tell you to fuck off as well?”

“Really Jen?” he smiled. “Can we not take you out anywhere?”

“Apparently not,” Margaret said with a note of disgust.

“Don’t you start,” Jenny said, turning on her.

“Sibling rivalry,” Simon laughed. “It never fails to amuse me. Shall we let them sort it out?” he asked, turning to look at Daphne.

“It might be quicker,” she said, and Artie watched as they stepped past the three siblings, waiting in the entranceway and letting them sort themselves out. Artie could see Chernetsov and his wife standing at the entrance to the Grand Salon, a bemused look on his face as they waited.

The voluminous dress Jenny wore swept the floor around her, and Artie supposed it must have taken her an hour just to dress. Gerald had opted to appear as Louis XVI, while Daphne—now standing with Simon who was dressed as an obese Henry VIII—was Marie Antoinette. Margaret was Anne Boleyn, while Agatha was dressed as Titania, Queen of the Fairies. The Baron and Baroness were the last to enter, both dressed tastefully elegant and holding masks, and both quick to greet Chernetsov and his wife.

“Perhaps you may find your Oberon tonight?” Artie smiled, looking down at Agatha and offering her his hand as she approached the three steps. It was difficult for him not to think of her laying naked underneath him, her body writhing in the soft glow of the afternoon light.

“She’s more likely to find Bottom in this crowd,” Gerald laughed.

Agatha turned to look at him. “Louis XVI, I believe? You do know how things ended for him? While those about you are losing their heads tonight, try not to use yours—you do not want to appear out of character.”

“And what do you mean by that?” Daphne asked.

“Oh, Daph,” Jenny laughed, “she’s telling him what I’ve been telling him for years. Try not to overthink it.”

“Not at all,” Agatha smiled, looking at Jenny with a grin. “Anyone who knows even a little bit about Louis XVI, knows he had issues producing his issue. The dauphine may not even have been his. It seems poor little Louis had problems down there,” she laughed, pointing at Gerald’s crotch as she walked away.

“Well, I’ve never—” Daphne began.

“Then please, do not start now,” Jenny interrupted, following Agatha into the salon and greeting the hosts.

Artie stood silent, grinning, watching the two women as they melted into the crowd. It was hard not laughing in Gerald’s face, and he thought it more prudent to turn away from him and study the crowd.

“She certainly told you,” Margaret laughed, looking at her brother’s shocked expression; taking Simon’s hand in hers, she greeted the hosts.

“Well, at least you won’t have to compete with any of these others for the best kingly costume, will you?” Gerald said, looking at Artie.

Three other people were wearing the same Zorro costume.

“I’d say it gives you a sense of anonymity, having so many of the same costumes about,” Gerald smiled. “As for King Louis’s pecker, I’m doing well enough in that department, right Darling?”

“Do come along, your majesty,” Daphne said, walking to the salon and waiting to greet the hosts behind her Jenny and Agatha.

*

The salon was much larger than he would have thought, judging by the size of the foyer. There was a long table with place settings for fifty guests, and every maid, Footman, butler and under butler from all of the Manor houses stood at the ready, waiting to serve dinner. Artie looked about the room and saw Claire standing near the kitchen door.

“Please? Excuse me for a moment,” Artie said, nodding in Claire’s direction as he sipped his drink.

“I’m sorry?” Artie asked, confused for a moment; Simon repeated himself.

“She’s the hired help.”

“Thank you, Simon, but I know who she is,” Artie smiled.

“Do you? And how could you possibly know her? Or do you know every pretty girl her about?”

“I’m living at her farm. Well, it’s not hers, it belong to Reg—”

“O’Dowd?”

“Do you know him?”

“Who does not know Mr. O’Dowd?”

“And you deal with produce?”

“Produce?”

“Reggie O’Dowd's a farmer. We served in the War together. He invited me out to stay with him for a time, and I gratefully accepted. If you know Reggie O’Dowd, you could only have met him having dealt with him and his produce. Claire is with him.”

“And what does that mean? With him?”

“I’ll leave you to sort that out yourself,” he laughed, and crossed the floor.

He lifted the mask he was wearing as he approached Claire, and she smiled when she finally noticed him. She was dressed in a simple black dress with a lace apron, sensible shoes and lace bonnet matching her apron.

“I was hoping you’d notice me here.”

“I had no idea my costume would be so popular.”

“And I had no idea I’d be here this long.”

“Did you have any luck?”

“Luck? This whole day’s been a right pisser,” she grinned. “You haven’t heard what happened?”

“No. Why?”

“What’s his name, Chernetsov? His son fell off the balcony railing.”

“What? What was he doing up there in the first place?”

“No one knows, but I might have an idea,” she smiled. “He tried to reach the chandelier when he fell. He missed it, but he set it swinging. That’s where they hid the skull.”

“You saw it?”

“It’s in the chandelier. But how do you expect to get to it? You’ll need a ladder to get up there.”

“You leave that to me. It’s what I do best.”

“You can’t expect to get to it without anyone seeing you.”

“I don’t have to. The whole idea is to find it and claim the prize. We’re not here to steal it; we’re here to claim it.”

“And how do you expect to do that?”

“It’s a ten foot gap between the rail and the lights. I need only jump it.”

“Jump? Are you mad? You’ll never make that.”

“The secret to doing something like that, is to get a running start. You have to build momentum. I’ve done it before. I was a lot younger, and a lot lighter,” he added with a smile, “but the principle’s the same.”

“And when do you plan to do it?”

“I suppose I’ll have to wait for the right moment, won’t I?”