It's Magic

I sit on the beach, my drink in my hand, listening to the waves lap on the shore. The ice in my drink causes cold droplets of water to run down the side of my glass, and I can feel the breeze whispering against my skin as I lean back to look up at the full moon. Something about the way the moon sparkles at me, something about the atmosphere in the night, makes the moon look larger than it should and for a brief second, a voice whispers in my mind, “it’s magic.”

I don’t know how much time passes. It could have been mere seconds, it could have been hours, when I see someone walking up the beach. She sways while she walks, like she can hear her own music, and the look on her face radiates joy as she laughs and smiles at whatever it was she was thinking. I am drawn to her in a way that I can’t quite describe. I don’t know if I want to be here or if I want to date her, but I can tell she is magnetic. I drew my entire being towards this stranger in a way that I have never felt before, a way that feels like a warm hug and a soft blanket on a wintry day. A voice whispers in my mind, “it’s magic.”

The half finished drink in my hand makes me bold and I wave at her, trying to catch her eye. She looks my way and my breath catches in my chest for a moment - her gaze holds wonder and depth and wisdom. Her eyes look so clear, it feels like I can dive into her soul. There is no fear there, no hesitation, no judgement, no wariness. She is offering herself to the world, and she is doing it. She smiles at me, the corners of her eyes crinkling, and I come crashing back into my thoughts, wondering how someone could live so freely. A voice whispers in my mind, “it’s magic.”

She walks towards me and I feel myself get nervous, my hands sweating, my heart rate speeding up. I take a deep breath and down the rest of my drink, hoping to feel that sense of bravery again that made me wave at her. When she arrives next to me, I can see that there is a sparkle in her eye, like she knows something that I don’t, and I find myself so curious to know what her secret is. Is her secret the reason that she can look and act so carefree? She giggles in a way that feels like there is an inside joke I had missed, and I long to be a part of it. I gesture to the empty beach beside me and she sits, leaning back to match me and looking up at the moon. She whispers, “it’s magic.”

I turn to look at her and she winks at me, again like she knows something I don’t , and she turns to the ocean. I want to ask her so many things - how she looks so carefree, how she moves in such a light way, how her smile conveys happiness and joy, how her eyes look free from walls, but instead, I settle on, “beautiful night, isn’t it?” I inwardly cringe. For some reason, I want to make a good impression on this woman. I still don’t know what I am feeling - attraction in a romantic way, or attraction in a platonic way - but there is definitely attraction. She smiles and looks at me, her eyes boring into mine, making me feel like she can see all the parts of me that I have been trying so hard to keep hidden, and whispers, “it’s magic.”

I don’t know how much time passes, the two of us sitting there, staring at the waves and the moon. It could have been minutes, or hours, but eventually, she stands. I feel a sudden pang of sadness for her leaving, even though we have done nothing but sit, existing in each other’s presence. She feels like home and hope all at once, safety and adventure, peace and excitement. She gives me a smile, nods her head, and begins walking away. I quickly rise to my feet, knees and toes awkwardly digging into the sand, “wait!” She turns to me at the same moment, like she expected I was going to call for her. “Will I be able to see you again?” I sound much more panicked than I had intended but watching her walk away was feeling like watching a part of myself walk away. She sighs and walks back to me, a sad smile on her face and a glimmer of a tear in her eye. “One day, you’ll look in the mirror and you’ll realise it’s me looking back at you. One day, you’ll walk along the beach, and you’ll remember this moment, and you’ll realise it was me that you felt so drawn to. The me that is here is the me that is inside you, waiting to be realised, waiting to be accepted, waiting to be healed. The walls you’ve built, the fear you feel, the hesitation you have to love, and the denial of joy in your life - all of those will fade away with time, and when they do, you’ll realise that I am you. I am you and I’m here to show you what it feels like when you don’t have to protect yourself anymore. I am here to show you what the other side of your healing looks like. It’s peace and joy, and dancing to your own music, and smiling at the little things, and living as you are authentically. I am here to tell you that you’ll make it through everything you’re going through right now. You’ll give your heart, you’ll welcome people in, you’ll trust, you’ll love. You’ll find your joy. You’ll find me.” Those tears that were waiting begin to fall from her eyes, and I realise they match the tears streaming down my face. “But how?” I ask. She smiles and whispers, “it’s magic.”