Intimately Color-Blind

The sound of an alarm startled Perry enough to rouse him from deep slumber. Leah was already in the hall.

“What is it?” Perry asked amid a full yawn. “Is there a fire?”

“Not a fire, but we do have a problem. Get your boots, gloves & coat & meet back up here as soon as you can.” Then she added as he headed downstairs, “Try not to breathe too much down there.”

The alarm kept chirping all the time he was gathering his things. It wasn’t just annoying. It was giving him a headache, too. He paused for a moment as he searched for his boots. “You don’t have boots, dummy,” he muttered to himself. “You came straight from the office, remember? Guess these will have to do.” He grabbed his shoes for the office & ran to the stairs.

“Sorry about the shoes. I don’t have any boots.”

“Let me see the soles,” she commanded. He obliged, tipping the bottoms toward her.

“Rubber. Good, that’ll do. Here, put these on over them.” She tossed a pair of ice grippers his way, almost hitting him in the face with one & the groin with the other.

“Watch out there,” he cried with a mixture of relief & humor. “You almost got a twofer.” As he tied his shoes & slid the grippers on, he started asking the questions that were mounting in his brain. “So, what are we doing? And what’s that smell downstairs? It stinks like the sewer’s backed up or something.”

“It is the sewer, but it’s not backed up,” she answered as she pulled on her snowsuit. She was bundled as though she thought this was the North Pole. “The vent is plugged. Can you remember, did the toilet gurgle when you flushed it the last time?”

“Yeah..., it did. So?”

“So, that’s usually the first indication. What you smelled downstairs was a combination of methane & carbon monoxide. Actually, they’re both odorless. What you smelled was the aroma of what they passed through. In this case, sewage, probably your last bowel movement.”

He waited for her to give him a smile with that last comment, but she didn’t. She was all business. “So, what do we do?” he asked.

“We unplug it,” she said. He could tell she had rolled her eyes at him even though she was looking at her gloves the whole time.

“So where is it?”

“On the roof,” she replied as she turned to the arsenal of equipment he just noticed was arrayed against the hallway wall— that would be the walls on both sides of that end of the hallway.

Now he had so many questions, he decided to make an observation instead. “That’s a lot of snow removal equipment. You keep this up here?”

“During the winter, yes. Once it thaws, I put them away in the closet.”

“You don’t keep a snow shovel downstairs for the driveway & walks?”

“Usually, yes. But the weather report sounded like we weren’t going to need them down there, so I brought that one up here.” She pointed to the shovel on the end closest to him. “Are you ready? You might as well grab that one ‘cause here we go.” She threw open the window, unlatched the storm & pushed it out into the snow. Immediately a strong rush of wind carrying with it a small blizzard blew through them. He shivered. He wasn’t sure his coat would be heavy enough for this. Then she began tossing equipment they would be needing out the window & into the snow, including a long brush that looked like something with which a chimney sweep would dance in “Mary Poppins”.

She climbed through the window. He followed, still not sure what they were doing.

As he stood up, brushing the snow from his gloves, he asked, “So where’s this sewer vent?”

“South side of the roof.”

He looked from side to side, still puzzled. “Which side is that?”

Without turning around & still gathering her equipment, she answered, “Backyard. Away from the street.”

He tried looking again, but all he could see was snow & this roof. “Which way is that?” he asked sheepishly.

She stood straight as a board, still refusing to turn around, & without a word pointed to her right.

“Oh, okay then,” was all he could say as he tramped off in that direction.

She broke into a big smile as she scooped up the last of the supplies. She was only having fun with him. He always looked so cute when she either intimidated or impressed him with her expertise, kind of like a deer caught in the headlights—a very grateful deer!

As she rounded the corner, she could see him scanning the roof. “Where is it?” he asked. “I don’t see anything but snow.”

“It’s buried, so we’re going to have to find it. It’s a six-inch metal pipe covered with an insulating sleeve so it shouldn’t have iced over. It should just be snow we have to remove.”

“Okay, so where do we start?”

“Let’s start in the middle & work our way out. We’re going to have to remove most of the snow anyway, so the roof doesn’t cave in. We’ll start on this side, then move to the front.”

“Which side is the front, again?”

She shot him a look. This time he didn’t look back. He had found easy access to the roof over a snowbank & was already halfway to the top with his shovel. He thought he might be getting the hang of this. She packed a snowball & hit him right in the middle of the back.

“Hey, what was that for?”

“Sorry,” she lied. “Sometimes a snowball will cause it to slide right down,” she lied again. Normally that might work. But this snow was so wet & heavy, she knew it wasn’t going anywhere without a lot of help. But it was good for snowballs. They might have to take advantage of that before going back inside.

She was right about the snow. It was over three feet deep. They were lucky it hadn’t already come down on them last night. “Good work, carpenters,” she thought to herself. She didn’t want to make Perry nervous, so she didn’t say it out loud. She got her wish with the sewer vent as well. The snow had only made it a few inches in. She stuck her brush through the middle, unfolded it & pulled it right out.

They were almost finished with the first side when the weather began to change, & rather quickly at that. The wind died down & the snow began to fall gently, though still heavily. It was beautiful.

“Is the storm over?” she wondered aloud.

“Nah, we’re just halfway through,” he answered. “Someone on the Weather Channel described this as being more like a hurricane than anything else, except that we wouldn’t have blue sky when the eye passed & it would still be snowing like the dickens. But the wind would become calm. At the rate the storm was moving, they thought it would last for a few hours, then pick up again for a couple more days.”

“This was nice,” Perry thought to himself. “For once I get to have the answers & know what’s going on.” Then he caught himself. “Don’t get cocky. She still knows way more than you do—& you’re on her turf!”

She suggested they take a break & have a snowball fight, which they did. After that they built a family of snow people. You know how so often when you make something out of freshly fallen snow, there will be all kinds of grass, twigs & debris that get picked up & make it look kind of grouty? These were perfect. Nothing but snow. He suggested once they were done, they could bring some things out & dress them up a bit.

She looked at him, staring more tenderly than she ever had before. “He’s so cute,” she thought to herself. “At least as handsome as Corbin, maybe even more. And he’s so much fun, so easy to be around, & sweet, &….”

Then she decided something. She scooped up as much snow as she could & dumped it on his head. She stood there staring at him, trying her best not to laugh. She’d surprised him, but his face quickly broke into the broadest, most mischievous smile.

“Why you,” he laughed as he tackled her in the snow. They wrestled with each other, she trying to push as much snow as she could down his neck, he attempting to defend himself & toss snow in her face, both laughing unrestrained as they played together.

Finally, he had her arms pinned in the snow. She had him right where she wanted him. She lay there, no longer laughing but somewhat serious, almost expectant, as she stared into his eyes. They looked different now, somehow dreamier than she’d noticed before. She swallowed, licked her lips, left them slightly parted, & waited.

Why didn’t he make his move? She was giving him the green light, wasn’t she? Why was he just sitting in park? Why were his brake lights still on?

And they were still on. She could see it in his eyes. He was torn, confused, & didn’t know what to do. So..., she grabbed some snow & threw it in his face. (There were still some things she knew how to do with men she liked. She may not be able to catch them, but she sure knew how to defuse an awkward situation. Go ahead & say, “Hurray,” with as much disappointment as you can muster.)

He laughed, helped her up from the snow (after she’d made a snow angel), & said, “We should probably get working on the other side while the weather’s still nice.” She agreed, they both returned to their shovels & began climbing to the top of the roof again. She estimated there were already another five inches of snow accumulated during their playtime. She reckoned that would probably compress to less than an inch once it had other snow on top of it. They’d be okay for tonight, though they should probably check it again tomorrow to make sure they didn’t need to do this again.

They’d almost finished the north side (that’s the front side, front yard, nearer the road, just in case you’d gotten disoriented in the snow again), when they took a breather up top. They hadn’t noticed before, but they could see much further in the calm than they could previously. She could begin to place homes again & started telling him who lived where, who had evacuated, who was probably still home, etc. He made a mental note of those she thought were home & were completely buried now, having only the one floor. He also noted those where he couldn’t see any sewer vent. (Isn’t it amazing how when you learn something you start looking for it everywhere?) Maybe they were just on the other side of the roof?

They were just getting ready to finish the last little bit when Leah noticed the ice gripper on his left shoe was not secured behind his heel. He didn’t want to lose that. The roof was icy, but they’d made it seem perfectly clear & dry.

As he bent down to secure it, his shoe slipped free & flew out from under him. His right knee came down on the other side of the peak, twisting awkwardly before following him down. Leah’s jaw dropped & the only sound she had time to make as she reached for him moments too late was undistinguishable.

All she could do was watch as he flew off the roof & disappeared into the snow.