In A Flash

“Dylan Arther Toften, get your ass out of bed right this second; you’re going to be late to class!” Mom’s voice came from the other side of the door. After a yell back through the door from across the room, I sat up and looked at the clock. It was only 7:30. I didn’t have to be at the college until 9, and it was only a 20-minute drive. “I need my own place,” I thought to myself before turning over to see Rebecca next to me in bed. I kissed her good morning. “Wake up, sleepyhead, time to get up and ready,” I spoke.

My beautiful fiancée opened her bright blue eyes with the dorky yet lovable smile she always had on her face. I climbed out of bed, then threw on a pair of sweatpants and my signature flash shirt and walked to the kitchen. Rebecca came downstairs a half-hour later, all dressed in her white and blue dress and all made up. By that time, I had already demolished one bowl of cereal, two cups of coffee, and made myself five pancakes. “Hey, sexy lady, are you ready to leave?” I said with a mouth full of food.

“Yeah, I’m ready. Let’s go. We’ll take my car today?” she asked.

As we got to the college, I kissed Rebecca, and then we went our separate ways because our classes were on different sides of the school. I got to class on time, but as usual, my professor was late. I took my usual spot in the back left corner of the class by the window. I pulled out my notebook for this class, and I saw we were on chapter nine. I closed it again and took my book out to reveal that chapter nine was already completed. The teacher began to speak. “Good morning, class. Please open to page 347, and we will begin shortly.”

I turned to what was supposed to be the empty seat next to me, and someone was sitting there. “Hello, I’m Dylan. What’s your name?” I said, trying not to look confused.

“Oh, I’m Patrick. I just got accepted here. My mother said this is one of the best schools in the country,” said the new guy.

“If I do say so myself, it is a pretty amazing school,” I replied. “And it’s nice to meet you, Patrick.”

The class went on, and while we read the chapter, I talked to Patrick the entire class. The rest of the day after class was a total drag.

That night, Rebecca and I went to dinner, and she was talking about the wedding and how she wanted me to help her pick out flowers, but I told her I couldn’t because I had practice starting tomorrow. I played sports all through high school, and I was so happy they still offered them here.

The next morning, I was late to class, and Rebecca left without me, so I just drove myself, and it took forever. As I arrived in my class just before the class began, I saw him again, right in that seat next to me.

He smiled. “Hi, Dylan. How are you today?” he said in a jolly voice.

I explained to him how I was running late and had to drive myself without Rebecca. “Whose Rebecca?” he asked.

“Rebecca, she’s my fiancée.”

“Oh, okay. Rebecca is a pretty name.”

We spent most of that class talking about Rebecca and how women get stressed planning weddings. At the end of class, we exchanged numbers and parted ways to our next classes. After school was the first soccer practice, but right before practice, Rebecca brought up me going with her to pick flowers again, so I told her I had practice, yet again. “It’s just tryouts; can’t you skip it?” she pleaded.

“I have to go. I am the captain; if I miss the tryouts, it could throw off my entire season.”

“But, Dylan, this is our wedding; you can’t just act like it’s no big deal. We are getting married in a month, and you are going to commit yourself to soccer.”

“Rebecca, I can’t do this right now,” I said as I stormed out of the house to go to practice.

I got to practice, and everyone was already there. I tried to scope out all of the new guys trying out, and one of them I recognized right off the bat. Standing in the shade of the old pear tree was Patrick. I didn’t know he played soccer. He didn’t look like the soccer type. The practice went on, and as captain of the team, I needed to scope out all of the new guys, so I called all of them out to play me one-on-one. After practice, Patrick came up to me in the locker room. “Why aren’t you changing to go home?” Patrick asked.

“I’m not leaving yet; I need to go blow off some steam. I’m waiting for the coach to leave, then I’m going back out on the field,” I responded as I bowed my head.

“Oh, would you like some company? I could also use a little more help,” he said, sounding overly concerned.

“I guess you can stay, but don’t think I’m going to spill out my heart to you,” I said as I punched his shoulder and walked toward the field.

“Never. I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said in a joking tone.

We spent about two hours on the field kicking the ball around and messing around. I kicked the ball toward the goal, and we both went for it. As we got closer to it, we collided and fell to the ground. As we landed on the ground, his elbow met my crotch, and I curled and headbutted him in the chin. We both rolled on the ground in pain for a minute or two until we started to laugh our asses off, laying on the ground next to each other. Before I realized it, I was lying on his arm, and we both rolled toward each other, our faces only inches from each other. For the first time, I saw his eyes, a deep brown with hints of black. His pupils were getting larger and smaller, trying to focus on me. We both lay there, seemingly forever, even though it was probably only a few seconds. Just then, my eyes started to close, and our lips met. They were warm and soft. After noticing what was happening, I pulled away from him. “Oh, wow. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that. I…I’m sorry,” I spat out as I ran to the locker room, frantic and scared.

How am I going to tell Rebecca about this? Should I even tell her? Why did I let this happen? That couldn’t have happened. I think as I throw my normal clothes on and rush to my car to go home. When I get home, I run right upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom. While filling the tub up, I stare into the mirror, trying to get the feel of his warm, silky lips out of my head. I climb in the scalding hot bath and sit there, wishing I’d just fall asleep and drown. I lay there for almost two hours before Rebecca knocks on the door. “Dylan, are you okay? It’s been two hours; your dinner is cold.”

“I’m not hungry. Just put it in the fridge for tomorrow. And I’m fine. I’m getting out now,” I say, trying not to sound freaked.

After drying off and putting on a pair of boxers, I walked to the bed, but I wasn’t quite tired yet. When Rebecca came in, I pretended to sleep to avoid having to talk to her. She fell asleep, and I threw on sweats and a hoodie and went outside for a walk. I needed an escape, but I couldn’t use soccer; Patrick would be there. It was my usual escape, but I couldn’t use it now. I just walked. Before I noticed, the sun was coming up. I rushed home to get dressed before Rebecca awoke.

A few days went by, and I was still avoiding Rebecca. At practice, I tried to pretend nothing happened, and Patrick did too. Maybe he was just as freaked as I was. After our first game, I went to Patrick and pulled him aside where no one could hear us. “Can we talk about what happened that day after the first practice?” I said, looking to make sure no one heard.

“If you want to talk, of course. But it’s up to you, though,” he said very calmly.

His calmness shocked me even more. “Well, I’ve never done anything like that before, and I’m scared. I have no clue because it happened, and now, I have thoughts I can’t figure out,” I whispered.

“We can talk about it. I’ve been through this before; I can help,” he said, still calm.

“What do you mean ‘been through this’? I’m very confused.”

“You do know that I’m, um… gay, right?”

“Really? Oh. No, I had no clue,” I responded, still confused.

We continued talking for a while. After the game, we went to Buffalo Wild Wings to continue talking. We chose it there because it’s loud and no one would hear us talking. “You’re bicurious, dude,” he said.

“No, I’m not. It was a mistake; it’s a phase,” I said, not knowing whether I was trying to convince myself or him.

“If you say so, but I’m not convinced that it is a phase. But I’m not you; I can’t tell you what to feel.”

“Can we just drop this whole thing, please?” I said, now getting aggravated.

“Sure, whatever you want. But I’ll always be here if you need anything,” he said reassuringly.

A few weeks went by, and Patrick never brought the subject up again, but I started to feel more for Patrick and less for Rebecca. I think she started to notice. I still wouldn’t let myself believe I had these feelings.

The night before the wedding, I was staying at the Holiday Inn because it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. I invited Patrick over to keep me company. We both lay on the queen-sized bed, watching sentimental lifetime movies and laughing about them. I tried to unnoticeably move toward Patrick, but I failed, and he put his arm around me.

His body was so warm. I lay my head on his shoulder. “I wish life was like these movies. Love is so easy to figure out,” I said, looking up at him from his warm, muscular chest.

“Love is easy; just finding it is difficult, and love isn’t a movie,” he said soothingly.

He leaned down; I leaned toward him, and again, his lips met mine. His lips still felt the same as they did that first night on the soccer field. This kiss was the same yet felt different. This time I allowed my mouth to open and his tongue to slip in. His breath was warm and smelled amazing. We both started to roll my way, lips and tongues still intertwined, until he was on top of me. Patrick was the one to break the kiss. “Are you sure this is what you want?” he said, breathing heavily. “We don’t have to do this, only if you’re sure…”

I cut him off with another kiss. We continued making out as I tore his shirt unbuttoned. After pulling it off and throwing it to the floor, he pulled my shirt off, and his warm chest was pushed against mine, making me tingle. This time, I was the one to break the kiss. I couldn’t do this. I was getting married tomorrow. I loved Rebecca. Or did I? “Is everything okay, Dylan?” Patrick said, still breathing heavily.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just thinking…”

“You don’t seem fine. It has to do with Rebecca and the wedding tomorrow, doesn’t it? I understand. This won’t happen again, I promise. We’ll be just friends, and no one will ever have to know.”

“Okay,” I said, holding back so much emotion.

Patrick rolled over and changed the station to the soccer game. We lay there completely silent for over an hour before I finally spoke. “It’s getting late. I should get some sleep. See you tomorrow. Night.”

I walked him to the door, before opening it; I kissed his satiny smooth lips one more time. I opened the door for him to leave. I closed the door and stood there, leaning against it. I knew what I wanted to do, what I needed to do, but would I have the heart to hurt one person I care about? I walked over to the bed, turned off the T.V., and lay there all night, just thinking about what was happening tomorrow. Thoughts were flying through my head, not once settling long enough for me to fall asleep.

The morning of the wedding arrived, and the air was filled with a mixture of excitement and nerves. I woke up early, my heart already racing with anticipation. As I got out of bed and looked at myself in the mirror, doubts began to creep in.

I had always thought of myself as straight, never once questioning my feelings for Rebecca. But ever since that moment with Patrick, my thoughts had been in turmoil. I loved Rebecca, I truly did, but there was something about Patrick that stirred up emotions I had never felt before.

As I got dressed, the weight of my decision hung heavy on my shoulders. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was about to make a mistake, a mistake that could change everything.

When it was time to leave for the church, I felt a knot in my stomach. The drive there was silent, each passing mile feeling like a step closer to a decision I wasn’t sure I was ready to make.

As we arrived at the church, my heart was racing. I stepped out of the car and looked up at the grand building in front of me. This was it, the moment of truth. I took a deep breath and walked inside.

The church was filled with friends and family, all smiling and chatting excitedly. I caught glimpses of Patrick, his eyes meeting mine for a brief moment before I looked away, unable to hold his gaze.

Then, it was time. The music started, and everyone stood up. Rebecca appeared at the end of the aisle, a vision in white. As she walked towards me, I couldn’t help but feel a surge of conflicting emotions. I loved her, I really did, but my heart was torn.

As she reached me, I took her hand, trying to push away the doubts that were clouding my mind. The ceremony began, but my thoughts were elsewhere. I kept stealing glances at Patrick, his presence a constant reminder of the turmoil inside me.

Then, the moment came. The priest asked if there were any objections, and for a split second, time stood still. I looked at Rebecca, her eyes filled with hope and love. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go through with it.

“I object!” I blurted out, the words echoing through the church. Gasps filled the air as I turned to Rebecca, tears streaming down her face. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, before turning and running out of the church.

Outside, the cool breeze hit my face, but my mind was a whirlwind of emotions. I needed to find Patrick. He was the one I wanted to be with, the one who made me question everything I thought I knew about myself.

As I ran through the streets, my mind was a jumble of thoughts and emotions. I had to find Patrick. He was the only one who could help me make sense of everything.

Finally, I spotted him sitting on a bench near the park. He looked up as I approached, his eyes red from tears.

“Patrick, I…” My voice caught in my throat as I struggled to find the right words. “I couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t marry her. I love you, Patrick. I love you in a way I’ve never loved anyone else.”

Patrick looked at me, his eyes searching mine for the truth. “Dylan, are you sure?” he asked softly.

I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.

Tears welled up in Patrick’s eyes, but this time they were tears of joy. “I love you too, Dylan,” he said, his voice filled with emotion.

Without another word, we embraced, holding onto each other as if our lives depended on it. In that moment, everything felt right. I had made my choice, and I knew deep in my heart that it was the right one.