Impractical Joke

"Just do it already." Scott sneered when he said it. He sneered when he said anything. I really didn't him. I tried to, but he was obese, never shaved, sweated profusely, rarely showered, and--

"Hurry up. Why are you so g-d slow?" That was another reason I didn't like Scott. He never let me finish a thought. And before you go thinking that I'm bigoted or something for calling out his royal fatness, I called him obese because he is, but I'm morbidly obese. It's not just the pot calling the kettle black. I literally have NO room to talk about someone else being heavy, hefty, chubby, chunky, fatso, or any other expression for it. I'm 425 pounds of good ol' American fast-food junkie blubber. At least Scott just has a slight spare tire from a beer belly. Still, I admit to my weightiness. He denies it till he's blue in the f--

"YO! Big Boy! Get the lead out and reset your frickin' password already! Didn't you see the announcement from the boss?"

Like I was saying, Scott is a know-it-all, bum-kissing, power-hungry, piece of human excre--

"Wilbur, if you don't move your lard-filled backside a little faster and get your password reset in the next three minutes, you're fired, you got that, you little twit?"

Now, I realize I've been ranting to you about this guy while I've also been trying to change the password to my company account, but there's something I know that Scott doesn't: There was no announcement from the boss about this. It was a prank I played on him, and now he's threatening me with my job? Oh, no, this little spit-for-brains is goin' down!

"All right, Snott," I began. "Let's begin with a few facts, shall we? First of all, my name is Willis, not Wilbur. Don't you go likening me to a pig from Charlotte's Web."

"Second of all, my bigshot colleague, I think you ought to double-check who sent that announcement before threatening to fire people for not 'obeying' it. Third, and I'll say this slowly so you can keep up, you have.the.worst.body.odor.I.have.ever.smelled.in.my.life. If you don't back away from me right.now., I will call my union rep to file a class action lawsuit against you for failure to provide acceptable breathing conditions in this facility."

For a few moments, it looked like the boar was going to collapse in shock, but he strode to his terminal and opened the mail server. I followed his eyes in triumph as he recognized the sender of the message for all employees to reset account passwords today, taking special satisfaction when they narrowed to the point that he sat down to read the message more carefully.

I was ready to take my victory lap when Scott returned with a printout. He shoved it in my face and hissed, "One minute to change your password, Willis."

Apparently, I was too smart for my own good. In sending that message to Scott, he forwarded it to the boss for clarification. The boss liked the reminder so much that he sent out the same message I did, but with the authority delegated to Mr. Know-It-All to fire anyone that refused to cooperate. What's the big deal about changing a password, you ask? In our system, you have to verify your current one, of course, and then apply for a new one. When you have one you think will work, you submit it for approval. IF it gets approved, you have to sign in, wait for the approval to finalize, and then click on the prompt provided to indicate to your immediate supervisor that the process is finished. In my case, that's Scott. And yeah, the process takes more than one minute to complete.

Well, that was fun. I can hardly wait to be asked, "How was your day?" when I get back to my apartment today.

How does, "I played a practical joke on my supervisor that he turned into an excuse to fire me" sound to you? Tell you what: Go reset your password.