If I Could Do It Over

I stood there in the dark cold, wondering who- if anyone, would come and find me. Atop that ledge, the ending to my story was a jump away, “ it’s cold out, I wonder what the water’s like.” I whisper to myself, buying time. Waiting for someone. anyone. “ this is it, isn’t it? I’m going to jump and no one would ever know I'm gone."

Maybe I should have left a note, I thought.

I should have given a sign.

"Whatever, doesn't matter now."

I turn my back to the abyss below, my feet slowly floating off that ledge. As I fall, I’m reminded of a poem, the view from halfway down. I wish I could've seen the view but It was too dark. There was nothing but a glare from the street light. If I could do it over, what would I have changed? What drove me here? Who- if anyone, would have saved me? If I could- *splash*

Everything went black. No sound, no light, no feeling. Well, nothing but the cold. I went numb, I thought for sure my life would flash before my eyes but, no. There was nothing.

“ Hey! Can you hear me?”

I thought I heard a voice say- no I'm dead, right? Boy, Christians aren't going to be happy with the afterlife.

“I’m not getting a response but there's a heartbeat."

There it is again. Is someone else here?

"Call an ambulance, quick!"

The numbness started to fade and my eyes cracked open, though all I could see were lights flashing through the haze. I return to the darkness but it's different now. The sound of my weak but still beating heart fills my empty eternity creating an unsettling ambiance. This can't be my afterlife, can it?

If I could do it over. Pt.2.

It was just a moment, a fraction of a second. Our eyes met and she drew me in. There was something about her, I needed to speak to her. There was something wrong. out of place. she was out of place, here. I didn't get it but when I spoke to her, it was only for a minute. it felt like a fraction of a second, and then, it was over. She spoke in fragments whispering her words, I couldn't understand her half the time but, nonetheless. I'll nod, I'll smile. I'll be friendly if that makes you feel okay at this second, at this moment. When she walked away she looked sad. no. She was wondering, thinking. planning to do. something. I know it's not my place but I followed her that day. I took an unknown bus route, to a neighborhood I'd never been in. I saw her, looking at a house. I think it was her's, but I don't know. She looked for a moment, she kept walking and so did I. The sun faded over the horizon and the cold crept in, but she kept walking and so did I. I couldn't take it much longer. I pondered turning back when we reached an empty park but she kept walking and so did I. She stopped on a bridge, and I hid. She looked in my direction but kept her eyes focused on the ground as if she were counting the steps she'd taken. Turning back toward the bridge, it was just us and the darkness. My heart skipped a beat when she climbed the ledge, I tried to stop her. I wanted to run but my legs were so numb, my teeth shuttering, spitting the frigid air. I couldn't speak, I couldn't run. If I knew I'd have done more. If I was faster I could have done more. If I could do it over, I could have- *splash*

If I could ep.2 pt. 1

I can't take this, the pounding of my heart is unbearable. If I know this would have been my afterlife, I don't think I would have ever jumped.

When she hit the water I jumped in after her, holding my phone in my mouth so I could call an ambulance. She floated back to the surface, face down into the water so I grabbed her and flipped her over. I used all my strength and energy to get to her, all I can do now is hold her above water till help comes.

"Someone please, I need help!"This had to be premeditated, they're no one here. Damn, when is the ambulance coming? Should I keep flashing this light in her face? Oh God, I don't think I can swim back to the land, shit, this is bad. My body's so numb, damn, this wasn't a good idea, Chloè. Just then I saw someone walking their dog,

" Hey! Help us! Help us!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, I got hopeful when the dog started barking. Finally, I thought, but my relief was short-lived when the dog owner kept walking, with his earbuds in, staring down at his phone.

"No, no! NO! PLEASE HELP US!" tears started to fall down my frozen chest as the anger and frustration set in.

"Okay… if I take frequent but short breaks I could get up close enough to be seen. So I started swimming, the girl grunted a few times and I thought she might wake up but her breathing started to become more shallow. Shit, this is bad. Fuck, what should I do? I kept swimming, pondering what I should do. When we reached halfway I started to sink, this girl I was trying to save was getting put in more danger because of me. The person walking the dog was almost out of sight so I just started to scream. While I damaged my throat I just kept pleading to the universe to help us, don’t let us die, I begged. Don’t let me drown, I cried. Just then, the dog had broken free of the leash and started running toward me. I belted out when the owner came running after me.

" Save us!"

The dog jumped in, biting my sleeve. I used the last of the adrenaline my body could muster to swim the rest of the way. When we climbed out the owner was already on the phone with the police, I felt a calm wash over me then a slow panic overtook the mood once more.

"Is she still alive?"