I'm not going back in time，you guys

I'm out of luck, I really am.

People through the history of the king, the most conservative can return to the Ming Dynasty when a prince, but I can only be anti-crossing, yesterday Liu Lao Liu back this guy is Jing Ke.

He's the one who likes to sing a song before he kills the First Emperor of Qin.

We have to start at the beginning.

That day, as I was walking along the outside wall of the park, a dirty old man beckoned to me with his dirty post-modern hands: "My little friend, you have a fortune today..."

Just as the so-called "boredom begets misfortune", I am a big idle person, holding idle is idle attitude squatting in front of the old man to fight cough, I am not afraid of him cheating me, the main reason is: I have five dollars in my pocket.

I smiled happily ground said: "Then you calculate what my surname, a few years of life, what to do, calculate accurate will give you money."

The old God shook his head mockingly. "Those are the tricks of charlatans, and I am a fairy -- I ask you, would you like to be one too?"

What an impressive opening. You wouldn't want to leave if you did.

I never wanted to leave anyway. I suppose the old creature would have a row of books: "I think you are a rare master of bones... The task of maintaining world peace will be left to you."

But the master is the master, and he told me one of the most amazing words, which led me to worship him so passionately that I had a series of bad luck later.

He said to me, "The white sand you smoke is fake!"

As soon as I said that, I felt as one of my most enlightened readers put it: I felt that a flower had done something to me...

I used to smoke in the small cigarette shop across the street. Today, I found that I was out of cigarettes. Who knew that I had bought a box of fake cigarettes?

One hundredth of a second after the old man said that, I felt like I was losing my five dollars.

What followed could be described as a complete turnaround.

"You could have been a fairy, but just before the Fairy Ministry (the same level as the personnel department) was about to approve you fell in love with a female goblin. This was not a big deal, but it brought immeasurable public pressure to the fairy world and has always been faced with the difficult problem: what moral criteria should be used to measure a person who will become a fairy but not a fairy?"

To tell the truth, my first instinct at that time was to think that the professor in Peking University disguised himself as a charlatan to do research on the spiritual aspect, I even secretly looked around and did not find something that looked like a camera camera.

"The Jade Emperor was very angry and the consequences were very serious. He meant to blow you out of the sky. But that day happened to be the seventh day of July, in the seventh princess's words just changed into a thunder..."

I interjected and asked, "What's the difference between nine thundertops and one?"

"It doesn't make any difference, you're dead anyway."

Me: "..."

"And then the fairy world came to a conclusion about you: that falling in love with a goblin when you are not a fairy should not be punished."

Me: "..."

"So they've decided to make you up, and now you have two choices. The first is to spend your life doing something for them, and when you've done it, you'll be made (the word makes me uncomfortable) immortal."

Curious, I asked, "What about the second option?"

"The second option was put forward by the Queen Mother, who meant that if you liked the leprechaun, you would be tested three times, and if you could stay together for the rest of your lives, you would become fairies together."

I straightened up and said, "It's a great story, but I haven't eaten yet. Bye." But the old god grabbed me and said, "What do I have to do to make you believe I'm immortal?"

I said lazily: "If you don't let go I will take a brick to lift your front face!"

"Why don't you try -- I mean, why don't you do something to prove I'm immortal?"

"Unless you fucking turn me into a woman!" At a glance, I saw Zhang Ziyi on the poster in the building opposite. "Turn me into Zhang Ziyi and I will believe you."

I'm so stupid, really. What a sick request to make.

This old guy pointed at me, without him saying anything I felt wrong, my root is not as good as the porn actor so "pretty" brother, like a 12 typhoon rice skin disappeared! I covered my crotch, and this old bastard pushed me in the street, Shouting, "Look at Zhang Ziyi!"

I was first spotted by two "dinosaurs" wandering the streets. The two women weighed at least 300 kilograms. They glanced over at the old God's cry, and then screamed like a strange hand in their crotch. Fortunately, it was a little after 1 p.m., and fortunately, in my black silk blouse and seven-point pants, I bowed my head unnoticed.

In a wave of earth shaking two dinosaurs rushed to me, I had to tongue a top tooth, a dantian called mixed energy made a dry land to pull onion kung fu jump (climb) into the park wall, through the railing, I begged the old god stick: "quickly change me back!"

At this time, two dinosaurs have been separated from me only by a wall, one of them only grabbed the railing and shook slightly, the whole wall has begun to fall down the earth, I put a hand out of the railing, very sad cry: "such as flowers you go leave me......"

... After a long confusion, the old God finally changed me back, then he put on a pair of sunglasses, pulled out a pen, and said to the two dinosaurs, "Look here..." After a snap, the two dinosaurs froze (see Men in Black for details). But after a while -- "Zhang Ziyi!" "Shouted one of the dinosaurs. Old god stick waterfall Khan, mumbled: "It seems western goods are unreliable..."

Get down to business.

"Do you believe I am immortal?"

"What do you want me to do? Tell me." Even if he was divine, I had five bucks in my pocket. What was I going to do?

"Don't be emotional. I'm here to help you. Do you remember what I told you? If you do something for them, they make you immortal."

"What did you say first?" Actually, I'm not interested in being a fairy. How about being a five-star general? Flirt with a Chang e still change moon night pig man.

The reason is that the judges had too much to drink at the wedding of the King of Hell's brother-in-law, which shortened the life of a large number of people by one year. In order to make up for it, the king of Hell had to introduce the policy of "shortening the year by one or two" and even "shortening the year by one or three" to make up for it in their next life. However, you should know that those passers-by are quite easy to deal with. Some people refuse, such as those historical celebrities, emperors, these people have a purpose, the king of Hell dare not offend the death, so he has to allow them to return to the earth for another year of free life."

"What's that got to do with me?"

"Don't you think what would happen if you put them back in their time? What will happen to Liu Bang and Xiang Yu in this year, what will happen to Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi, will Li Shimin kill Wu Zetian, and will Genghis Khan change today's landscape? Don't mention these people, Li Bai and Du Fu stay in the dust for one more year who knows what they will write to influence the later generations, and CAI Lun can invent strange things - I say that you understand?"

"Sort of, it's the domino effect, any one of them could go back and remake history, so you can't let them go back to their time." As soon as I said, "You're not bringing all those people to me, are you?"

Old God stick he smirked, he smirked: "Who say it is not, the king of hell cheated them to put them in the 'wonderland' to make up one year of longevity, and this' wonderland 'refers to you here."

Now Yama under a buttock shit, fairy to find someone to take the blame, this thing seems to do also have to do, otherwise it is not become "what what I why what"?

I put on a show of embarrassment and said, "Is there money for activities? First get a few hundred million flowers, since it is' fairyland ', I have to get two girls wearing cheongsam, and then whole a few cranes what?"

I thought the old god stick would say yes, others write time travel, like money, beautiful women and other things are not worth mentioning props. Who knew this evil old god stick he actually said: "I don't care about that, the celestial world is originally to test you, you find your own way, and - those people have seen all kinds of world, you don't bother, if you promise me that night I will give you the first customer back.

"But I..."

"Because it's a deal: you smooth things over for them, and they make you immortal, so we call these people clients, and you can say yes or no, and if you don't say yes..." The old God took out his sunglasses again, put them on, and took out the pen. "I'm going to shine at you, but I want to be clear: this doesn't work very well, and it has the potential to make you forget a lot of things, including your last name, your parents, your identity as a man or a woman..."

"You might as well make me a retard!"

The old Godstick looked up for a moment and said, "Yes, you summed it up very accurately..."

I pointed to the nose of the old god stick and told him harshly, "As an ordinary person, I should do something for the celestial world. How can you doubt my consciousness?"

That's what happened. When Old God Stick left me, he said to me, "Don't call me Old God Stick anymore. My name is Liu Lao Liu.

Then Lao Liu took a strong man dressed like a native turtle to me and introduced him: "This is Jing Ke."

...