I can stop whenever I want!

Disclaimer

"This piece is about mental health awareness and the struggle many people face every single day. It is not meant as a diagnostic tool or to give any medical advice whatsoever. Every individual has their own story and their own treatment plan, so even if you see part of yourself in this piece, it's vital that you seek the help of a trained professional. It IS okay not to be okay."

Prologue of this colaboration by Courtney Capone

First Story about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) by Paula Shablo

Second Story about Anxiety by Josephine Matson

Third Story about Eating Disorders by Judey Kalchik

This is the forth story, but for now I will not tell you what it is about. It's easy to see but hard to understand in time. We usually lie to ourselves by saying to anyone that "we can stop anytime if we want to". We don't want to see the truth and stop. It's easier to continue than stop something that is harder.

This is a fictional story with no real events. But the problem is real, very real.

I can stop whenever I want!

What a night! It was supposed to be all party and fun. How could end up just like this? It's hard to see with my puffy eyes and that's not the worst thing today.

Yesterday was Friday, and I had a night out with my bros. One of us is fighting for his life right now. We were six friends looking for some fun. The bar is packed with good vibes and drinks. Sweat and tears remained at the end.

We were just having fun. Like we always do. How could this night be different?

It all started at dinner. We had some great wine with good food and company. The restaurant was full, the music was on, and the ambiance was great for a bunch of dudes having a nice time.

I don't mind saying that I tried my best to take that bottle from him, drinking, so he could have less wine remaining. Oscar was thirsty since he drank a bottle alone, after shouting that I should stop taking his drink.

He was so happy to come back to our group after traveling with his girl. We don't know the details of their breakup, but we're happy to have him back. With Gloria, he was not welcome to stay out on a Friday night with friends. She hated us, and even today I don't know why.

- Come on, Oscar... - She said the last time, at his birthday party. - You don't have to invite them to all your parties!

- Why would I listen to you? - He asked. - This is not my party?

She cried, making the scene even worse. They went to his bedroom and all was great once again. Or so we thought.

That night remained calm, but she'd won. He was getting isolated, at least we were all gym buddies after our classes and that's it. No nights out and Oscar seemed drained each day.

- What is happening to you, Oscar? - One of our friends asked him while cycling near him.

- It's nothing, I'm just tired.

- That's all? - I quizzed.

- Yes. - His sigh could tell me more than his words.

- You don't want to talk, that's it? - I tried to continue our conversation.

- No, I don't.

Months passed and he was getting worse. Sometimes I would check him out in classes, and he had something hidden in the pocket. It was hard to know what he had. He wouldn't simply open up. I could smell something nasty coming out, his perfume changed and all I could tell is that the little bottle was his best friend.

- Don't you think that's too early to wake up your bottle friend? - I said one morning when we were waiting for the first class to begin and Oscar was already drinking.

- Does that bother you? - Sometimes it was hard to see the Oscar that I knew in his body.

- I am just worried, my friend. - My worries were sincere.

- Don't you worry, Jeff. I can stop if I want to. - He smiled.

- So, just stop. - I stated.

- I don't want to stop it today.

- When will you stop then?

- When I want to. - The conversation stopped there, the class was about to start.

It was time for celebration, Oscar was free from his siren, and we were trying our best to bring him back from the ashes that she left him. She cheated on him, after all the stuff that she said about being the only true close friend and girlfriend. And yet she cheated because he was boring.

They ended things last week, and we were taking our sweet time to celebrate. It was hard for him, but we were all here for support.

The night was young when we left the restaurant after having a little digestive, I did love a good CR&F glass. The plan was to go to a bar, have some booze, dance the alcohol out and meet some girls. Adam left us to catch his girlfriend first, so the rest of us had a walk there. Eric, Frank, Leo, me and Oscar. Five people singing down the road, some of us couldn't remember the song or the lyrics, but we were fine.

- His parents have arrived! - My mind stopped daydreaming, once I'd heard what Oscar said. We were at the hospital and I should keep my mind focused.

I couldn't understand how he could see the parents if he was looking in my direction. Oh, that's maybe I'm smaller. I didn't know what to do if I turn I would see the worried faces of my friend's parents.

Wait. Who was inside? I could not recall. I turned and saw my parents. How could that be if I was an only child?

That's when I checked the ones that were waiting in this corridor. Adam, his girlfriend Amy, Eric, Frank, Leo, me and Oscar.

- Hey, guys… Who's inside? - I've asked.

No one answered or even looked at me. They all seemed worried.

- How is he? - Asked my mother.

- Who? - I didn't understand why they were here.

- He's in an alcoholic coma, Mam. - Adam answered.

- Who? - I repeated to Adam, he didn't even look.

My mother collapsed in my father's arms. That's when I understood.

I was inside. In a coma.

Substance abuse is more common that we dare to believe. We do think that legal substances are safer than ilegal ones. But have in mind that any substance can kill, even vitamins.

Teens like to cross boundaries, therefore it's easier to think that it would not happen to us. It can! You can do it just once and have the worst results. Even die.

Take care of yourself and others. Balance is everything.

Learn the dangers of Alcohol Overdose, here. Check other common abused drugs, legal and ilegal, here.

If you are in USA, find help here.

The drughelpline.org asked me to add them to this story. Drug Helpline at 1-844-289-0879 is a free, confidential, 24/7 drug and alcohol hotline that can help you start your journey towards a better future.

If you are in EU, find help here.

The next story to help us understand grief will be written by Tiandra, follow and subscribe to her profile!