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Human Guinea Pig

18th April, Story #109/366

By L.C. SchäferPublished about a month ago 3 min read
Human Guinea Pig
Photo by Dan Barrett on Unsplash

In my second year of uni, I was stony broke. I was living on 25p packets of noodles, caffeine and bad sex.

I donated sperm, which gave me a much needed cash injection. But the money ran out, as money tends to do.

I looked into blood donation, but there's no financial compensation for that. I went anyway, and dragged Joey with me. It would've felt mucky to consider it and then not go ahead, just because I wouldn't get paid.

Point is, I was on the look out for ways to make money.

After our obligatory cup of tea and biscuit, the nurses shoved some leaflets in our hands, and saw us out with a cheery wave.

Joey punched me on the arm and told me we should go out. "We'll get drunk faster, now," he said. "Lower blood volume, see. Pretty sure I read that somewhere."

"One round," I said, rubbing my bicep. "And you're buying."

It's never just one is it?

I was stumbling home, drunker than I'd any right to be, given my shallow pockets, when I pulled that leaflet out and stared at it with bleary eyes.

The address on it wasn't very far away, and even pissed up, I'd spotted that this was a paid gig. A drug trial. Why not?

I don't know why it happened. Maybe they shouldn't have given me the shot while I was drunk, or so soon after donating blood. All I know is, I woke up the next morning thinking I was still out of my tree because I was floating on the ceiling.

Joey almost fainted. Once he got over it, he thought it was a hoot. I missed a whole day of lectures because I was bobbing about up there. It took a while to figure out how to make myself heavy enough to come down again. Then he got analytical. "If you're making yourself less dense," he said, munching on my cheap noodles, "then you should be able to walk through stuff, right? Like Terminator." His eyes gleamed. "Mate, you're gonna go viral. We could make a fortune."


Word count: (excluding note): 366

Submitted on: 18th April at 22:42

*Quick Author's Note*

First, and most importantly: thank you for reading!

A Year of Stories: I'm writing a story every day this year. This one makes an 109 day streak since the 1st January. I can't believe I've come this far! I'm collating them all here.

Behind the story: The prompt I used - You're a student in a drug trial, which gives you some funky abilities.

Prompts: If you'd like to have a go at my unofficial April Challenge (Fucked Up Fairytales) I've linked it at the bottom. If you'd like some more prompts to get your creative juices flowing, I've posted a list of prompts for April, and I've linked that as well.

Thank you

Thank you again! Especially if you are one of the people who has been staunchly reading these daily scribbles since the start of the year. I see you, and appreciate you 😁

I do my best to reciprocate as many reads as possible. If you leave me a comment, that makes it much easier.

Short StoryMicrofiction

About the Creator

L.C. Schäfer

Book-baby is available on Kindle Unlimited

Flexing the writing muscle

Never so naked as I am on a page. Subscribe for nudes.

Here be micros

Twitter, Insta Facey

Sometimes writes under S.E.Holz

"I've read books. Well. Chewed books."

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Comments (13)

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  • Cathy holmesabout a month ago

    This is both funny and disturbing. I'm not sure I would have been the dumb in uni, but the guys I knew... definitely

  • Joe O’Connorabout a month ago

    The cheap noodles feels like a rite of passage at uni haha. This one could have legs- I like the dynamic between Joey and the narrator, and the idea of drug trials messing with density and particles is a fun one!

  • Alexander McEvoyabout a month ago

    I would love to see what shenanigans they get up to! Loved this one, LC! Luckily I was never quite THAT broke in Uni, but some of my friends were so I think you totally grasped the lengths people will go to in those situations :) And yes! Getting a drink after donating blood is a very poor choice but it ALWAYS gets you tipsy faster :)

  • Dharrsheena Raja Segarranabout a month ago

    As long as I get money, I'm up for any drug trial! Hehehehehe

  • Esala Gunathilakeabout a month ago

    Is this true man? !!!

  • Oh no.... a tale of horror and tragedy brought on by the addled thinking of inebriated kids... or the making of something Hilarious. Depends on your cup of tea haha. Great work LC!

  • JBazabout a month ago

    Well, when your broke your broke and willing to do almost anything. I like that his friend thought to go 'Viral' Who cares about your health as long as you can make money.( at least his buddy thought this way)

  • Alex H Mittelman about a month ago

    Loved it! Is that true, Did you get drunker faster! And all those “donations” you made for money, lol!

  • Mark Gagnonabout a month ago

    I was in Air Force Air Trafic Control school in Biloxi MS. Twice a month was payday. 3 friends and I would rent a car and drive to New Orleans to party. One non-payday week we rented a car but had no cash for drinks so we sold blood. Fastest and cheapest drunk we ever had.

  • Lana V Lynxabout a month ago

    Ha-ha, floating is indeed a funky ability! Very whimsical, LC!

  • Caroline Cravenabout a month ago

    I remember they used to do weird food trials at uni where they made egg whites look blue or the chips green to see if it made them less appetising. I was poor. A free meal is a free meal! Loved this L.C. Hope you’ll do a follow up with this one.

  • Hannah Mooreabout a month ago

    Painfully convincing voice!

  • Heather Hublerabout a month ago

    I enjoyed this and got a laugh :) Wonderful writing!

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