HR Chronicles: Snow White

You know being HR has it's interesting days, and recent events would affirm that my job is anything but boring. Huntsmen Mineral Mines is not the worst place to work, especially given the perks -I have a new set of sapphire earrings!-, but I am a bit over the chaos. You would think it would be the incident reports and worker comp claims that did me in or even the excessive overtime to sort through on payroll. Alas, we would both be wrong. Instead, it has been the lack of work and personal life boundaries that our staff brings forth for me to sort through.

Just this month, crew 17 all found ways to take their turns in my office. As usual, HR plays mediator and therapist. Of course, it started with Grumpy coming to complain about his the rest of his crew. It's not uncommon for him to visit my office with any number of complaints. Usually it's things I can do nothing to resolve. However, for once I found merit in his claim! Far you see, crew 17 all lives in company provided housing together, just like every other crew. It's close to the mine and helps keep our guys focused on their work.

On the day this all started, Grumpy stormed into my office informing me an outside girl had been invited to stay with them. As a company, we do allow families to be present in the housing, with proper approval of course. The seven members of crew 17 are all child-free bachelors, and I had received no paperwork for a request, so you can imagine my surprise. Grumpy sat in the chair across from my desk, his chin jutted out and his arms crossed. His brows and mouth were formed into a permanent glare.

"We came home from the mines and there was this girl in the house! Sleeping in Dopey' s bed! Who does she think she is anyway? She had cleaned the whole place. If I had wanted my stuff washed, I'd have washed it!"

"Was she a friend of Dopey's?" I asked. Such things were not unheard of, and Dopey was a young man, just barely past his teen years. Silently, I was grateful she had cleaned the place. I often fret over the management of our housing. They are company assets after all!

"NO! That's the worst blasted part. She said she has run away from home. Claims to be royalty or some such on the run. Hmph. A royal pain is what she is."

"So she broke into the place?" I asked, alarmed.

"Well no, it was unlocked and with the grime it probably looked a little abandoned," Grumpy admitted.

"Why was it left unlock?"

"Because Bashful broke the lock and Doc hasn't put in a work order in yet." Grumpy's anger renewed and he tucked his arms tighter. "Careless and lazy if you ask me!"

"I will put in a work order for the house," I soothed. Clearly I had brought up a sore topic. That wasn't difficult to do when talking with Grumpy. Changing back to the real concern at hand I asked, "Did you report the girl to the police? Or, perhaps Doc contacted management?"

"NO!" Grumpy thundered. His glare deepened, "Doc and the rest of those fools told the girl she can stay with us! I want her GONE."

"So she's a runaway that crew 17 has agreed to harbor in company housing? Do you know if she's a minor?" I asked.

Of course they didn't do the proper thing. Working in HR, I can confirm that no one ever does what they should in such situations. If everything disclosed was true, I was a bit disappointed in Doc. As the team lead of crew 17, he should have been the first to report this. He also should have known the girl could not stay with them. But, until I spoke with others, there was no assurance that what I was hearing now was the truth.

"How should I know," snorted Grumpy. "I didn't ask."

Another thing I have learned working in HR, no one ever asks the correct questions or enough questions for that matter.

Naturally this exchange with grumpy opened an investigation into the situation, which meant I would have to talk to each member of the crew. It also meant my other work would be piling up in the background and waiting for me when it was over. It was every HR employee's nightmare. I hoped most of what Grumpy relayed was misunderstood. Despite what many think, HR does not always relish in reprimanding and enforcing policies. I would rather focus on employee development or safety planning instead of chasing policy violations.

I spoke with Bashful next. Conversations with him tend to always go a certain way, and this one followed suit. He always needs a lot of patience and assurances.

"Thank you for taking the time to meet with me," I started. "How have you been?" Without answering my questions, Bashful turned deep red.

"I'm n-not going to be fired am I?" he asked.

"That is not why I called you to my office. But, why would you think that?" I countered. "Have you broken a policy or observed something that would concern you about your employment status?"

Bashful shook his head.

"I don't think so... Doc would tell me."

"Well, then I would not fret over. Let's focus on why I called you to meet. I received a report that there is a young woman staying in crew 17's housing. Is this true?"

His color deepened to almost purple.

"The prettiest young lady," he confirmed.

"Could you tell me more about what happened?"

"Well," he was now a fashionable pink in color. "We got back home and she was just there, asleep in Dopey's bed. The house was so clean, she didn't have to do that. Terribly sweet of her."

"Did you or anyone contact the authorities or management?"

"Well, no. I don't think Snow White would appreciate it if we did."

"Snow white?" I asked.

"Yes, the young lady, that's her name." He smiled softly to himself at the mention of it.

"And this lady, is she a minor?"

Bashfull looked hurt by the question.

"Of course not! She's nineteen. I w-w-would never..." He became to entangled on his words to continue. But, I understood what he meant and expressed it with a nod.

Next I called Sleepy into my office. He really did not manage to focus much during our conversation. Considering he also never paid attention during safety meetings, I expected as much. Truthfully, I am surprised I have not received an incident report with his name on it yet.

"So there is a girl staying with us now, what of it?" he concluded dismissively. He was unable to answer most of my questions with anything other than 'not sure' and didn't remember most of what happened.

"I may have dozed off," he noted. "But, I think I recall her saying she's the princess of the kingdom. The beautiful queen is her step mother or some such."

When I spoked with Sneezy he reasserted the notion that Snow White had run away from the palace to escape her step mother. If she was indeed the young princess, Huntsmen Mining had a big problem on their hands. Why think of the public scandal? And what if it was reported we had kidnapped the girl?

"Was there anything Snow White did to verify she is the princess?" I asked.

"Well why would she need to do that?" With that, Sneezy began fighting a sneeze and glancing around my office. I pushed the klenex box every good HR employee keeps on their desk towards him. Gratefully, he blew his nose.

"How else do you know it's true?" I continued.

"Anyone who cleans with that attention to detail must be a princess. And all of the forest animals adore her. I don't much care for when the animals are around, makes me sneeze more. But, the house is so clean. She can stay with us can't she?"

"That's not what we are discussing right now. Policy will need to be complied with."

"I- ACHOOO!" the force of the sneeze made him shoot up in his seat. "Perhaps she could clean your office? Our house has been so spotless that I have almost lost the reason for my name when I am at home."

He was a loss for information after that far some smell in my office triggered such a sneezing fit that he could hardly get another word out.

Dopey entered my office living up to his name sake. His eyes were bleary slightly and he smelled faintly of weed. Despite it being forbidden to report to work high, unless someone got hurt, the company tended to brush it under the rug.

He lazed in the chair, his eyes glowing with adoration at the mention of Snow White. He was eager to talk about the whole ordeal. In fact, he was so smitten, I wasn't sure any of the information I got from him would be even remotely unbiased.

Oh, we filled out paperwork, he signed. I know Doc did.

"Well, where is she staying?" I sighed. "And why have I not received the paperwork?"

He shrugged. Don't know, must have gotten lost. She's staying in my room.

"Then where are you sleeping? With Snow White?"

Oh no, no, he turned pink at the suggestion. She's a proper lady. I'm sharing a bed with Happy. He doesn't mind.

"That's right. She claims to be a princess?" Having more sense than the others, Dopey lied. The girl would need some sort of relational ties to one of the men to stay there.

What? No. She is a niece of Doc's. His brothers. His face was animated as he signed. Then, he leaned forward and glanced around secretively.

Truth be told, I have a bit of a crush on her. I think she may like be back. She greets me with a kiss on the cheek, and she shared a joint with me.

While the most pleasant exchange, my meeting with Happy gained little progress for my investigation. Despite understanding what policies were broken and the potential scandal at hand, he only wanted to focus on the cooking and the impact on group morale.

"Sure, we did not report it to the authorities or management. But, it's a good thing we didn't! The girl is safe. The authorities report to the queen after all." He chuckled. "And you should see the impact it has had on the grew. Why, she even got Grumpy to smile."

Admittedly, if Snow White had managed such a feat, it was impressive. I don't think I have ever seen Grumpy shed his perpetual resting glare. But that was besides the point.

"You realize this violates several policies?" I asked. Happy laughed.

"Sure, but so do a lot of things. You would have a heart attack if you spent a day at the job site. Besides, we all like the girl and want her to stay. She is like a morning songbird breathing sunshine and warmth into our crusty little house."

He watched me jot down notes. Then he rose in elation.

"I know! You should meet the girl. That will change your mind."

"Happy, you know I don't decide these things, right? I just enforce and comply to the policies that have been established by the company?" I asked.

"Sure, sure," he agreed.

I can't tell you how many times I have had to explain to Happy that the policies are not my opinion and that I cannot just decide which ones I wish to follow on any given day. Rules seem to be to limiting to him.

I saved my meeting with Doc for last. He was the eldest of the group and a seniored employee at the mine. He'd worked with many crews, but swore crew 17 was his favorite. After 20 years of dedicated work, I would have expected him to follow policy better.

"Can you explain why all 5 of your crewmen said you did not file paperwork or contact the authorities? I've seen none of it come across my desk."

Doc neatly folded his hands on the table.

"Well, I'm concerned about the girl's safety. If we document where she is at, the evil queen will find her. Really, as fellow humans reached out to in a moment of desperation, I would say it's our duty to uphold Snow White's safety. If what she says is true, think of the implications for the future of the kingdom. If not killed by the queen, she is the rightful heir to the throne."

"All the more reason not to get the company involved by harboring her in company housing," I interjected.

"Please, we must be responsible individuals. Our actions could get her killed. Why, I'm not sure it's even safe to leave her home alone right now. What if something happens?"

Sure enough, before I could conclude my investigation a new part opened up. It appears I will be partnering with our compliance team for the rest of it. There was a death on a job site. Some old hag that poisoned Snow White. She's now in a coma, and the crew is quite depressed. Oh, and the queen is missing too! Anyway, I will talk to you likely in another month once all of my paperwork for this issue concludes.