How Bitcoin Saved Christmas

This slight off-season tale goes like this:

'Twas the 10th day of Christmas, and all wasn't well in the North Pole. In the crack of dawn, the smell of fresh uprising had wafted higher than the aroma of Mrs. Claus's cookies. Santa had known this day would come, but this soon? Good thing he was prepared. He had a plan. Sure, the elves would need some convincing, but he could do that. He was Saint Nicholas, after all. With a deep breath, he fixed his hat one last time and entered his workshop.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Two more days of Christmas!" he bellowed, mustering as much enthusiasm as he could.

No one answered. The elves were glumly gathered in a corner with Bushy Evergreen at the center.

"Why the long faces, Santa's helpers?" Santa inquired, feigning ignorance.

Silence.

"Bushy?"

Bushy Evergreen cleared his voice. "We can't do this anymore, Santa. The workshop is closed. We've been patient, but you promised us fair pay a century ago!"

Santa's eyes lowered, and he let out a sigh. "So I did, but the financial crisis hit hard last year…"

Sugarplum Mary cut him off, "We gotta get paid, Santa. No excuses this time."

Alabaster Snowball moved forward. "We're afraid we're going to have to stop all operations effective immediately, Father Christmas. Our duties for this year are pretty much done, but 2010 might be the year that Christmas dies," the wise elf said solemnly.

"For the love of Christmas spirit, don't say that, Alabaster!" Santa pleaded. "You're getting paid this year for sure! I have a plan."

He got a few cheers, which was quickly drowned out by the suspicious murmurs from the skeptics in the crowd.

"Settle please Santa's helpers," Alabaster asserted. The elves quieted down. "Let's hear it, Santa."

Santa shot Alabaster a grateful glance and fumbled to produce a white paper from his sack. "Some of you must be familiar with this since I left it in your socks last October. May I present to you my payment and token of gratitude for all your excellent service – the Bitcoin."

"The what?" Confusion swept through the workshop. But Alabaster's eyes lit up in recognition. "You're Satoshi Nakamoto?"

Santa grinned. "I needed an alias. Just wanted to put out the feelers for the concept, you know? But if you tried hard enough, you could figure out it was me. You take 'Sa' from Satoshi, 'n' from Nakamoto, 't' from Satoshi again, and 'a' from Nakamoto. And there you have it."

"SA-N-T-A!" Alabaster beamed. "But I have to ask. Couldn't you have come up with an alias easier to decipher?"

"But where's the fun in that?" replied Santa, with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Aha! As complicated as Bitcoin itself. I love it!" chuckled Alabaster Snowball gleefully.

"Well, I'm glad. But it seems like you're the only elf who read it," Santa said, sweeping the puzzled faces in the room.

"Oh, I read it alright!" huffed Pepper Minstix, suddenly emerging purple-faced, from the sea of elves. "Haven't you worked us enough, Santa, that you now want us to mine? Forget about it!" Pepper stomped off in exasperation with the rest of the disappointed elves following his trail.

"Unbelievable!" Sugarplum sadly shook her head and walked away.

"For what it's worth, I thought the peer-to-peer electronic cash system was a brilliant idea," said Alabaster wistfully, preparing to leave.

"It still is Alabaster, and you know it! If anyone can convince them, it's you. The elves, they respect you. Get them to see what an outstanding investment it is. Please!" Santa pleaded in desperation.

Alabaster mused for a while, then finally spoke, "I'll try Santa. No promises, but I'll try."

***

Mr. and Mrs. Clause gazed out the horizons of snowy expanses. It had been two hours since the elves had gathered in the community cottage, determining which would ultimately be the fate of Bitcoin. Mrs. Claus squeezed Santa's hand reassuringly, prompting a small smile.

Just then, the first of the elves began trickling out the cottage. Soon, all of Santa's helpers gathered around him.

It was Shinny Upatree who was the first to speak. "We've decided to give this Bitcoin mining thing a try. Will you show us how Santa?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" said Santa, giddy with relief. His eyes searched for Alabaster in the crowd. When their eyes finally met, Santa mouthed a grateful "Thank You," and Alabaster nodded humbly.

"I just have a little set up to do; meet me at the workshop at 10 am?" Santa asked. The elves nodded.

***

So, on January 3, 2009, at 10:15 am North Pole time, Santa, aka Satoshi Nakamoto, mined the genesis block. Soon, the elves got the hang of it, and Bitcoin mining was operating in full swing at Santa's workshop.

Months went by as the elves diligently mined block after block. The toy machines lay forgotten, the children's letters unread, and the Naughty-and-Nice list untended.

It wasn't too long when once again, trouble brewed in paradise. The first stirrings of dissatisfaction echoed the workshop.

"I'd rather be making toys," said one elf to his neighbor, who agreed all too wholeheartedly, nodding his head vigorously in assent.

"And to think I thought making cookies was monotonous," piped up Sugarplum.

"Let's tell Santa we've had enough of this," rallied Pepper, and off they went to find Santa.

"Hmm, so you want to stop mining and go back to your regular jobs?" Santa inquired thoughtfully, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Yes, I think we're all more than ready," said Alabaster.

Santa smiled, "As long as you think you have accumulated enough Bitcoins, you're free to resume your work!" Santa checked the ledger. "We have mined a million Bitcoins altogether; I would say that's more than plenty!"

"But what about the remaining 20 million left to mine?" Wunorse Openslae inquired.

"Ahh, we can delegate that to our trusty humans, as we do with most of the gifts! Rudolph and I can take care of it." Santa winked.

A loud cheer broke out, and Santa laughed his first belly jiggling laugh in months. Santa's workshop would finally be back in business, or so he thought until Sugarplum asked him the question he had been dreading all along.

"Thank you, Santa! I think I'd like to celebrate going back to work. What can I buy with my Bitcoin?"

Santa looked around the crowd, "Nothing right now," he said sheepishly. Tension rose in the air. "I mean, you're going to have to wait a little bit, that's all," he stammered.

"How long?" asked Sugarplum raising an eyebrow so high that it got lost under her pointy hat.

"Patience is a virtue," Santa began shakily. "After all, the best things in life are worth waiting for…"

"Santa, save your speech! How long do we wait for it to be worth something?" snapped Pepper.

"Well, it will be worth more than something. Ideally, you wait till 2017 to sell all of it. Then you use that money to buy a lot of it around Christmas 2018. Finally, you sell it all in 2029 when it peaks at $1 million per Bitcoin," Santa said in one breath. Taking a gulp of air, he tentatively looked at the elves.

Pepper Minstix straightened himself, "That sounds reasonable."

Elves all around him were nodding in agreement.

Santa was surprised, "Aren't you mad, having to wait that long?"

"Eh," Pepper shrugged. "What's 20 more years when you've got an eternity?"

"Sounds like a sound investment to me," agreed Sugarplum Mary, starting to walk back to the workshop.

All the other elves followed suit.

And that, folks, is how the Christmas miracle of Bitcoin restored the spirits of now extremely rich Santa's helpers and saved Christmas.

The End.