Hot Girl Summer Chapter One

* Gas station mode = a state Of survival women and femmes enter to avoid unwanted advances while at a gas station that has an excessive amount of male energy.

I checked my phone and saw 16 voice messages from my girl Monique. Knowing her they were not going to be short and sweet. It was Sunday morning and before I fell asleep I saw she posted on her Close Friends a close up of a big ass MANLY wrist with an even bigger watch on it. I quickly went back to Instagram to click on the green circle around her face to see if I’d missed any updates she’d be referencing. Oh lord. The lines at the top were microscopic. What was she on this time?

I decided to just raw dog her messages before watching the telenova Instagram story of hers.

The usual “Bitch!” To start her message. I listened as she described a scene from a rapper’s music video. It makes sense being that she looks like one of those rap guy’s girlfriends …

She told me she met this guy at QT. She was in “gas station mode”* so she almost didn’t hear him calling her. When he caught up with her to open the door she said her mouth dropped when she saw his arms. She immediately thought “Oh these are some D1 arms right here. Some Western Conference arms. Some AFC arms”. He laughed when she literally said out loud “My, what big arms those are”.

That’s just like her to say some corny shit like that. Sometimes it works in her favor because she had him laughing all the way to the gas pump where he filled her tank and bought her some snacks. That was apparently important later on in the story, but I would be surprised if she remembered to circle back.

She was on her way to take herself to dinner and he apparently was going to a banquet for his football team. She was accurate in her assessment of the man’s arms. They quickly decided since he didn’t have a date and she needed to eat … why doesn’t she just join him?

This was at like 6 and by 7:15 she told me they had dropped her car off at his place, arrived at the hotel that was hosting the banquet, taken a hundred pictures like they were an official couple, had a drink and an appetizer. They were moving faster than a lesbian couple.

Monique said the banquet was boring but Mr. Arms’ teammates and their dates were keeping their table alive. They were getting on him for having miraculously found a date and even joked that he had to pay Monique to be there. She said she asked “Hold on did I just take all those pictures with the team loser? What’s wrong with him”? The consensus was apparently he just loses interest fast or vice versa. She asked when his birthday was. His answer having both “May” and “20 something” was enough to set her off.

“You’re a GEMINI”?!?! Her exclamation of disgust combined with the eruption of uncontrollable laughter from the rest of the table got them escorted out of the function. Not her being a bad influence ALREADY! I was only on her 5th voice note but I had to go back to her story to see if this was going to end good or bad.

After the arm and watch close up there was pictures of new tags on some new Dodge muscle car. A video of the freeway flashing by at more than 100 MPH. A clip of her asking “What’s this, a Hellcat”? Him responding proudly “Yes”. Her “Oh, these are still cool?” and smiling slyly into the camera. Oh, he already knew she was a menace before they got to the banquet. I clicked past pictures of the hotel lobby and their plates. The next story post with a green circle around it had the POV from the passenger seat which was strange because that’s where she was supposed to be. Or at least him … because why were both of them in the driver’s seat … driving?? I must have missed something.

I went back to her voice notes. Apparently after they got kicked out of the banquet they gathered in the parking lot and decided the next move was drag racing? Nobody was upset with her for getting them kicked out. The way they looked at it, they’d already eaten so what were they really missing but a few speeches. I guess if you get playing time and points and stuff you get away with more bullshit.

The only problem with the plan was some of the players and dates had rode together and they needed to pick up their own rides. They decided to reconvene at “The Spot” in an hour. This period was apparently when they decided to co-drive his Hellcat.

One thing about Monique: she loves fast cars. She can’t tell you what engine does what or what build does what, but she will not hesitate to describe in detail how it feels to be in a vehicle going 120 MPH. This is exactly what the 9th voice message consisted of.

She said he took the back roads to get to where the racing would take place and he was speeding and swerving which was scaring her at the same time it was turning her on. He really turned up the heat when he took a hand off the wheel to rub her thighs.

She said she was worried that he’d be able to tell the experience had her so wet she was in the process of soaking his new seats. Even more worried when he gestured to his lap so they could drive together.

He could definitely tell, (I’m guessing it was the fingers he stuck inside her when she moved from the passenger seat to his lap. He, of course, didn’t mind. Just like she didn’t mind when she sat on his lap and could feel the ride was turning him on too. Arms was harder than a rock. She said they didn’t even stop the car when she moved over there. I didn’t know this bitch was this wild. Maybe that’s why she’s always on a solo mission.

I decided to take another look at the CF Story. My heart dropped when I saw blue & red police lights. With her camera still in the passenger’s seat I heard her tell Arms not to worry and basically to shut the hell up and let her do the talking. Okay? Does she have a law degree I didn’t know about? I saw an officer approach the car and ask what the fuck they were doing. She said having a good time. I could hear her facial expression. I know she was licking her lips. She’s such a slut. He mockingly repeated her. “Having a good time, huh”? She said “Yeah, would you like to join”? When he hesitated I knew she knew she had him. I saw her tap Arms leg twice signaling for him to be ready. “Turn off your body camera and I’ll show you something”. Seduction game crazy …

The officer was hideous. Short, too big for the motorcycle he was on, and wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. From the angle of the camera I could see just how exciting this moment was for Officer Ugly. Monique signaled Arms again as the officer followed her instructions. She told him to back up so she could open the door. As soon as he did they sped the fuck off. My mouth was agape. Not only did she just likely commit a felony, she got all of it on film. My bitch!

I thought I was going to have to listen through her tell me about what I had just watched, but being the thoughtful friend that she is, she told me to just watch her story to see what happened. Now they were back on the way to The Spot. He had called one of his teammates as soon as they got pulled over, and had homeboy mute himself just to be safe in case thing went south. They had heard the whole incident.

Arriving at The Spot they shocked the crew when they both hopped out of the driver’s seat. She didn’t even bother to get back in her own seat after almost getting hauled to jail?

An eruption of “I like her” and “Oh she’s with the shits, you gotta keep her around.” emerged from both his teammates and their dates. She said the adrenaline rush had her on top of the world and ready to make more bad decisions. Something about the way she said that seemed like a foreshadowing of events.

I went back to Instagram. Why the fuck did I see Vegas as her location and a ring the size of the state they were in on her finger??? I know this bitch didn’t …