Hey Mama

Hey Mom,

I never told you this before, but I’m the one who broke that window. Yeah, I know. I blamed it on my brother. He was always rowdy, so it was easy to pin the blame on him. While we’re on the subject, I’m also the one who drank your secret wine stash and got that scratch on your car. I know I blamed it all on him, and I did appreciate that you 100% believed me! I guess I just had a trustworthy face. Anyway, I did a lot of stupid things as a teenager. Whenever you asked me who damaged what and so on… it was probably me. I can’t remember everything, but I was a bit wild. I know that you knew I was a bit wild, but I don’t think you knew exactly how wild I was.

Anyway, back to the original point of this letter. The window. I was around 14, you had to work so we were left home alone for the night. You were always such a hard worker, going above and beyond to provide for us! I don’t know how you managed it all, but you powered through. My role model for life. Anyway, that night we had a huge party. It was brilliant. Basically, everyone from school came. I felt so seen and popular. It only lasted that one night, but it was amazing!

We delved into your wine stash, and we were drinking like mad. I hadn’t had alcohol before that point, and man it hit me hard! I ended up tripping over a chair and sent another girl straight through the window. It shattered, she cried, I ran. Justin was so angry at me. I mean, he couldn’t blame me! I’d never been drunk before, and I had no idea I was such a clutz.

He managed to patch up the girl and she was fine. The window was not. We did make a pact to pretend to be oblivious to it, but obviously I broke that pact. I was a stupid teenager, of course I wasn’t going to stick to my word!

Oh, and at some point, during the party me and this really cute guy went outside for some ‘alone’ time. I was very intoxicated, so probably wasn’t the best idea, but he was cute. He was a little aggressive though, and I know you’d be proud for what happened next! I kicked him and he ended up slamming into your car. Somehow it was scratched from that, I don’t really know how but at least it didn’t dent!

It was a really awesome party. A lot is a bit of a blur, but it was awesome. I don’t really know why my brother didn’t tell you the truth, maybe he was protecting me or maybe he wanted to own it? Anyway, pretty much all the damage that night was because of me. Except for the kitchen, Justin and his friends were the ones that trashed that. Oh, but I did clean off the whiteboard. It just always bothered me having all those random details on there, so I cleaned it. I didn’t realise there were important things on there, and I am sorry I wiped them off. I wasn’t really thinking.

I’m trying to remember if anything else happened, but I think that’s all I did. I know you’d be absolutely horrified to find this all out. Justin got the biggest punishment ever and all I got was a scolding. He was blamed for everything that happened; I was just in trouble for participating. But I’m the one who actually did a lot of the damage, not him. I’m not even completely sure if I’ll give you this letter yet. I wanted to get it all out because the truth feels good. It’s like 7 years late, but it is still the truth. I don’t regret the party; it was a lot of fun and everyone talked about it for a solid year. I do regret lying and definitely regret drinking that much my first-time experiencing alcohol. Although it is also Justin’s fault since he didn’t look after me, so I guess in a way he wasn’t completely innocent back them. He definitely led me astray. Well, kind of. It’s not like it was hard.

I am sorry for not telling you sooner Mom. I just admire you so much and I really didn’t want to see you disappointed in me. I’ve always wanted to be just like you Mama. Strong, brave, and fierce. I’m still unsure about giving you this letter, but if I do… please don’t be too disappointed. I was a stupid teenager.

I love you lots Mom, forever and always,

Your loving daughter.