Happily Ever For Now

She knew he wasn’t good for her. Well, no, she just knew that in the end her heart would be irreparably broken. She knew without question that he loved her now simply because he couldn't have her. She also knew that as time went by his old ways would come back to the surface no matter how hard she tried or what she did.

Still, as his car came up the driveway, her heart started racing out of control. The urge to sprint down the stairs and outside into his arms was almost uncontrollable. She inhaled deeply. It was windy and pouring rain. There was no power; the only thing lighting the house was a few candles. She made her way slowly down the stairs to unlock the door. She caught a glimpse of him as she turned to walk back up the stairs. "Holy fuck." She thought. “Tall, dark and handsome is right. Ugh.”

He followed her up the stairs and into the bedroom without saying a word. The tension radiating between them was more intense than the lightening, lighting up the sky. She finally turned to face him as she sat down on the bed. She didn't quite hit the mattress as he picked her up and held her in a way that only he could. Her heart was beating so quickly, full of joy and pain at the same time. Her thoughts, a wild tangled mess in her mind. The most prominent of them being "Love is so fucked up. My heart is a masochist."

They hugged for what felt like an eternity that was nowhere near long enough.

"Hi." he said in a breath that sounded like the only sigh of relief he had been able to expel in the months since they had been apart.

Her mantra from the past week forced itself into the front of her consciousness. "It's not real." Yet the hopeless romantic buried deep inside of her was screaming at her to let it out. "He can love you! You can be the one for him! The one he changes for! The one he spends the rest of his life with! You can be the one!"

It was impossible to move or speak. Between the controversy of her own brain and the smell of his just washed skin she thought she might explode. "What the hell?!" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"What?" he asked, knowing damn well what she meant. She didn't respond. She just continued to look at him. "Listen, I just wanted to come here and say it to your face. That way you can look into my eyes and tell me you don't want me." he paused before he continued. "I love you. I've loved you for a long time. I loved you the second you stepped out of your car in those black sparkly heels and walked over to me as though you had no idea how gorgeous you were. You stole my heart and you did not leave it when you took off that night. I know I can't just take my heart back. Honestly, I don't even want to. I just want a chance to prove to you that I deserve yours. Please, baby."

She still couldn't speak. Even if she did there was no winning response to this. He was a smooth talker. He could get his way in just about any situation. For instance, calling her baby, her biggest weakness. He could convince anyone of anything. He did it all the time. But good Lord if she didn't want to just wrap her legs around his waist and kiss him, hard. "Everyone is constantly saying to follow your heart but then when it comes down to the time to do that, they tell you to listen to your head so your heart doesn't get broken. Which is it?! You can't do both!" she screamed at herself in her own thoughts. His please suddenly started echoing in her mind. The please of a child pleading for candy before bedtime. The please of a mother begging her children to settle down at 10:00PM right as she is about to lose her mind. Please. The please of a man wishing, hoping, maybe even begging a little bit, for the love of his life to give him one more chance.

They sat in silence while she was lost in thought. He knew better than to push her. "Say it again." she finally mustered enough breath to let out three words.

"I love you. I am in love with you. I am madly, deeply, insanely in love with every single part of you.

"Ok." she replied.

"Ok?" he asked.

"I love you. I always have and you damn well know that. So ok, one last chance." she said.

Suddenly his mouth was on hers. It was happening too quickly to stop, but she knew she didn't want it to, anyway. It was passionate, intense, and thrilling. Everything she had been missing for months. She had willed herself to forget there were such wonderful things in the world. Somehow he was her key into the world of romanticized optimism. Even if it ended and tore her apart while breaking her heart into a billion pieces, every second would be worth it. In that moment she knew her heart had won. She knew that no matter what happened tomorrow or in 6 months or in 10 years the decision she made tonight would not be one to regret.

"Say it again." she said.

"I love you. I love you. I'm madly in love with you. I thought of you every single day we were apart.” He responded.

His deep voice. His beautiful mouth. Those incredible words. She only wished she could believe him. For now, she would pretend she did. For now, she would stifle the pain and embrace their time together. For now, she would pretend that her happily ever after had come true. Deep down, somewhere much darker and more melancholy, she knew, without a doubt, that they were not meant to be. For now, she was going to pretend that they were. He was her happily ever “for now”, so for now, she would be just fine.