Hanna, The Barberian, and The Quest Into The Four Portals

(Hanna)

Last time on ME...

My friends and I overcame a minor obstacle to finally catch up to Virga, the Winless Wizardress, and attempt to prevent yet another of her plans from success.

She did slip away again. Nonetheless, her magic also caused us to FOLLOW! What madness is this? Did she truly slipup so...?

The spiraling, blinding, earringing rainbow portal swallowed up the heroes into a seemingly endless vortex. Hanna did all that she could to execute a war yell over the wretched harmonics. Ungah attempted to bellow over Hanna. Adamis did what he could to free his arms in the spinning of space long enough to at least plug his ears.

Finally, the heroes did spy land. It was a crudely drawn forest where every single tree was a repeat of the last tree and the grass might as well have been carpet. Nonetheless, it was finally ground and it was coming up fast.

Adamis finally launched a spell to slow their descent. He was only vaguely aware of the cheap sound effects made by his magic; or that his tan hands seemed to be adorned in black feathers...

The heroes did finally land safely. However, even as they landed slowly and securely, it was with a pronounced "KABONG!" Hanna could actually hear the tweeting sounds and see the swirling stars about her.

"Ungah, (purr) Adamis, are (rowl) you two alrrrright?" she asked in a distinctly softer tone than usual; but with a pronounced obnoxious purr.

"I think so." Adamis answered in a sharp cluck of his real voice.

Ungah picked herself up and unleashed a pronounced roar as she gazed about her new surroundings...

"(Rrr) What has happened to us (purr)?" Hanna demanded. "What has become of my naturrral voice?"

"YOUR natural voice?" Adamis retorted in a pronounced squawk. "Your new voice is actually nicer!"

Ungah got into Adamis's face and unleashed another roar.

"Alright; Alright!" Adamis conceded. "Hanna, you've become...hmm...it's a female lioness; and a pink one at that. Ungah, you...well...you're a lion as well."

"She has a MANE!" Hanna blurted out.

Ungah yanked on said mane in protest as well.

"Well, even amongst her fellow Zons, she was often known as The Man." Adamis murmured helpfully as he reached to scratch his chin but plucked at a pronounced beak.

"You arrre a pigeon-man?" Hanna demanded.

"I'm a crow; and the wording is 'an anthropomorphic animal'." Adamis amended.

"What sorrrcery was this?" Hanna demanded as Ungah seized Adamis off of the ground and roared.

"Do you think I did this to myself?" Adamis demanded. "It was Virga's magic; it had to be!"

"Virga, this portal was hers!" Hanna boomed. "Come; she must be in this poorrrrly animated forest of repeat trees and lazy colorrrs! (Rowl) Adamis, dearrr, could you change us back?"

"If this was Virga's doing, I might not know how to undo it." Adamis squawked back; then, upon hearing his own voice again, "But I'll do what I can to restore our speeches."

"(Rowl) Do that at least." Hanna conceded. "Ungah, down. The prince, Adamis, will need his arms and hands unconstrained."

Ungah gave a softer roar than before and set Adamis-Crow down.

"Much obliged, ladies." Adamis squawked, gesturing. "Here we go..."

There was a rather sophomoric "SHAZAM" sound effect and tiny speech lines appeared where there were usually colored orbs.

"Anything?" Hanna demanded.

"Well, your voice of savage command is restored; that much is certain." Adamis answered. "But you're still an anthropomorphic lioness; and Ungah is still...well...you and I know that she's a female Zon."

Ungah glared at Adamis Crow and grunted warningly until Hanna stepped in between them.

"It will do until this all can be undone." she proclaimed, reaching to her back. "Come, friends; let us...my spears; my powerful Ruby Spears! They are gone!"

Ungah glanced about her own person as well and found herself unarmed. Adamis gestured magically and a cartoon effect was the result.

"Hm; there is much for Virga to answer for when we find her in this place!" Hanna declared...

"O-me-dearie, O-ME-DEARIE, O-me-DEARRRRIE, Silversteen..." interrupted from over the horizon.

Ungah cupped her hands over her ears. Adamis couldn't blame her.

"Adamis, could you not...?" Hanna began to demand.

"That isn't me!" Adamis yelled back.

(However, he had to admit that, besides the Southern twang, it sounded a little like his restored voice).

Suddenly, a poorly drawn blue canine wandered up on his hind haunches. He was followed by a bear in a necktie and a horse in cowboy duds. They were all anthropomorphic creatures.

"Well, howdy, cuzzins!" the blue hound declared as he stopped to inspect them.

"Cousins?" Hanna repeated, glancing to Adamis.

"Fraternally, they're extended family; colloquially, I think he means countrymen." Adamis declared.

"These are MUTATES!" Hanna bellowed.

"Now, you hold your horses (if you'd pardon the expression, Fastgun); what is this mutate you speak of, bub?" the anthropomorphic bear demanded in almost the dog's voice and almost Adamis's voice.

Ungah roared back at the bear and the hounddog leapt into the confronting bear's arms.

"Now, you hollllllld on thar, you!" the walking, talking horse interjected, tossing something that curled around Ungah.

Ungah, caught, roared and convulsed.

"What is this...this restraining device?" Hanna demanded, pulling against the tied portion as well.

"It is an old western lasso; a rope." Adamis answered them; then, to the three animals: "We are not your enemies here; well, I don't think..."

"West-ern?" Hanna repeated, perplexed.

"I'll explain later, Hanna." Adamis interrupted himself; then, back to the horse, dog, and bear people. "Well...?"

Soon, the horse's face began to pinken and he averted his gaze.

"Shuck'ins, the lioness one is a purdy sight; she tain't no-bad-guy." The horse man retorted.

"Yeah; and I think that the pheasant man's okay too." the dog added as the bear dropped him with a way too pronounced KERTHUD!

"We're all friends here." Adamis reassured them, using his new magic to at least unwind the lasso. "And, by the way, Ungah here is a lady too..."

Ungah glared warningly at the troupe beneath a red lion's mane meant for a man.

"Well, we're not here to judge that no-how." the dog quickly reassured them.

"Right." the horse added. "Let's get you all back to our camp for an introduce-around-like!"

"We'll make it a PIC-A-NIC!" The bear bellowed at the top of his lungs.

"Pic-nic?" Hanna repeated.

Ungah roared an approximation of the strange word.

Adamis shrugged silently.

"You don't know a PIC-A-NIC?" the bear demanded. "Where have you been anyhoo? Come along, Fastgun, Blubarry; we'll show'em how it's done like!"

With that, the animal troupe trounced away, all bellowing at the tops of their voices.

"I miss the southerner's solo singing!" Adamis grumbled.

"Aye." Hanna concurred. "At any rate, Virga is nowhere in this silly place; and she is not about to point us the way to her. Come; we...what did the bearman say...?"

Ungah grunted "Pic'nic" and the three heroes fell into step...

**************************

Soon, they were all around a campfire; and what a menagerie they were with! There was a gorilla in a bowler's cap. A hippo in an adventurer's suit sat next to a monkey in sailor's garb. Two mice sat to either side of an orange housecat. A lion in a vest and fedora sat with a downtrodden hyena. Lastly, a snazzily dressed wolf sat with a smaller dingo cub. The only other oddity was that each seemed to speak with some approximation of the same two voices. Other than that, all could amazingly share their fill from a very tiny basket. Finally, Ungah gave a pronounced snort and a cartoonish burp. Hanna could only chuckle in response.

"Lanky Bear, this...pic-nic...that you spoke of presented a feast fit for a king!" Hanna proclaimed.

"And why not, jack?" Lanky Bear replied. "Is Ungah's shape not that of the King of Beasts?"

Even Ungah was finally ready to laugh over that remark as everyone did.

"Heavens-to-Hocus-Pocus-though!" a male pink lion seated near Hanna and her company suddenly piped up. "What did bring you all here; and change you so into other creatures, no less?"

"Hocus-Pocus indeed!" Hanna retorted back. "It was a sorceress named Virga! You did not see her around your fair woods, did you?"

"She would likely be disguised like we are; and they wouldn't know her real face anyway." Adamis hissed the reminder.

"Oh." Hanna barked. "True."

"The last str-angerrrrs we saw herrre were the thrrrreee of youuuu!" the well-dressed lion piped up. "But weeee will help you searrrch, of courrrse."

"Right, right." the wolf added. "For a nominal surcharge, you see."

Hanna flagged the downhearted hyena over to her side.

"Your feline friend is quite the shiester, isn't he?" she demanded.

The hyena-man trembled in place and mumbled back in a forlorn tone.

"Oh, dear; Mouthy, the Mouthful, means well." he answered, timidly. "But, yes, he does love his money-making schemes."

"Laugh-Along Hyena; you watch that talk, Laughie-boy!" Mouthy fired back.

"He spoke with impugnity to an asked question, sir." Hanna answered dismissively. "Your generous hospitality here is appreciated, and we will pay you all back in some way, of course. For now, we know the wizardress that we seek and we can assuredly find..."

A rainbow portal materialized in the sky overheard. A second hurricane force seemed to lift only Hanna, Adamis, and Ungah. The final results of the portal were for their animal forms to give way back to their human shapes before they vanished. The true animal characters could only watch them vanish.

"Hey, they're gone!" Lanky Bear bellowed to his friends. "What goes on here?"

"Heavens-to-headwringers!" Sulking Puss added. "The one with the mane was a lady-type!"

The animal creatures could only glance to one another and murmur amongst themselves in confusion.

Blubarry Basset:

Well, gee; where are our new friends off to this time?

Hustler Wolf:

...and I thought I heard something about a payment...?