Halloween 1981

October 31st 1981

Sirius Black apparated into the cold wet night with a thundering crack.

Godric’s Hollow was eerily silent as he stumbled through the dark village.

James. Lily. Sirius’s brain could only churn out those words.

Harry, his mind seemed to sputter.

Harry, Harry, Harry.

Their son, Oh Merlin, their son.

He couldn’t kill him, he couldn’t kill them.

They were his family, they were his…

The sight his eyes captured next, sent an icy shock through his chest, so powerful he almost fell.

A strange sort of scream echoed around him, he was unsure where it had come from. Then Sirius realised, the noise came from him, from his mouth. Somewhere deep in his chest. Like a cry of pain.

There was nobody else around. It was deathly silent.

The Fidelius Charm that had supposed to hide them, it was supposed to hide them, he thought desperately, had been evidently broken as what had once been the Potter’s family home now barely stood, the top half of it completely blown away.

James.

Was all Sirius Black could think.

Please God,

Not James.

There was smoke still wafting from the rubble and darkness enveloped the house that had been shining with warmth and love just moments ago.

They had to be okay, they had to.

Peter wouldn’t have given his family up so easily, they were his family too, there was no way, Sirius’ mind continued to babble, but the growing realisation in the back of his head was beginning to overthrow him.

Peter, what have you done?

What have you done?!

It seemed to take Sirius a lifetime to cross into the half destroyed home.

The light from outside illuminated broken shadows across the walls.

“James?”

Sirius’s voice came out as a fractured whisper.

Like he didn’t know how to use it.

Like it had been taken from him, like the breath in his lungs.

Then he saw it.

James.

His legs seemed to stop working.

There was a blow in his chest, that knocked him back.

There was a pain shooting through his lungs and up his throat.

Sirius fell to the floor as his heart shattered in his ribs.

No, no, no no no no, no, no, no.

This was all wrong, they weren’t supposed to be found, Oh God, no,no,no, no this isn’t real, it isn’t real, that’s not James, it can’t be James, James Potter can’t be…

Something inside 21-year-old Sirius Black died in that moment.

Like half of him had been taken..

He was frozen, it appears, he couldn’t move.

His world had just collapsed on him.

James Potter was dead.

Sirius couldn’t take this information in. His brain would not allow it.

Perhaps this was all just a nightmare, perhaps this was some sort of living hell, a cruel curse set on him, this was not reality, a mere glimpse of his worst fears.

James was lying there, like a toy soldier discarded on the floor.

His brown eyes were misted over and still. He was so still, he could be sleeping.

He could just be resting, he’ll be back up in any moment, laughing, his eyes glittering with joy.

But his eyes weren’t glittering anymore.

His body was so derived of the life and mischief James Potter was so full of, Sirius Black almost heaved.

Then he screamed. He couldn’t help it.

The pain that was growing in his gut escaped as a deafening noise as he fell to his knees and reached over to his best friend.

Sirius didn’t know how long he sobbed like that for.

“Prongs..” He began, clutching on James’ shoulders.

“You can’t, Prongs, you can’t.”

Then, like some sort of whirlwind of memory, Sirius was transported back to fourth year.

“Prongs,” Sirius laughed, “You can’t! You’re mental.”

“Watch me, Padfoot my boy,” James winked, with a grin plastered on his face. He finished his firewhisky and slammed it on his desk, with more force than necessary, causing the small mousy boy next to him to giggle helplessly.

He transformed into a large stag, and un-shockingly, began to lose balance in the small dorm room the four boys shared. His antlers collided into his bed hangings and it seems he was too wasted to remember how to change back.

“Haha, look, Prongs’ prongs are stuck!” Peter chortled.

“He seems to be staggering,” Remus added gleefully.

The echoes of laughter faded, another memory taking place.

“Potter! Take this down now!” The fiery red-haired girl had bounded up to the display with her hands on her hips, her Prefect voice taking charge.

“Come on Evans, admit you’re in love with me!” The black-haired boy with glasses teased, in front of the banners with white flowers, spelling out:

“Will you go out with me?”

Three boys behind him were finding the whole thing hilarious, in disbelief of how James hadn’t given up yet.

“In your dreams, Potter!” Lily frowned, flouncing away.

What they didn’t see though, was Lily Evans’ blush on her cheeks, and smile on her lips when she was out of view.

“She’ll realise she’s crazy about me one day,” James Potter beamed, “You just see!”

“You’re an idiot, Prongsy boy,” Sirius Black laughed.

“And you’ll be best man, Pads, mark my words!”

The flash of memories cleared, as fast as it had taken hold of Sirius, as he kneeled on the floor of his best friends house.

The tears had almost engulfed him as he stared at the face of the boy he considered his brother.

He willed James to get up, he willed him to be okay, to jump up and start laughing,

“Got you Padfoot!”

And Lily would come down the stairs and..

Lily.

Then Sirius heard something that made his heart stop.

It was crying. A baby crying.

HARRY.

If Harry was alive then, then..??

James had died protecting the love of his life and their son, of course he bloody had. Always the hero.

Sirius swallowed and somehow his body dragged himself up the stairs, towards the bedroom, the top floor a terrible mess, there was rubble everywhere, the light was smashed and…

For the second time in Sirius Black’s life, his soul seemed to leave his body.

He didn’t know if it would ever come back.

Lily Potter’s body lay crumpled, right next to her son’s cot.

Her face was turned to one side, her arms splayed out and a plea was etched onto her still face.

There were fresh tears on her cheeks, and Sirius’ eyes snapped onto the poor baby who seemed to be wondering why his mother wasn’t getting up.

Harry was crying loudly, his eyes so full of pain that he would not yet understand.

Where was Daddy? Why couldn’t Mummy hear him?

Sirius couldn’t take the sight in, it was all too painful. He had to hold his hand over his mouth, trembling, and stood over James and Lily’s child.

Those bright green eyes under the tufts of black hair found Sirius Black and they seemed to understand each other.

“I’m s-sorry, Harry,” The words seemed to fall out of his mouth.

“Harry Potter. My Harry, I-“ His voice failed him.

He closed his eyes and tried to calm the screaming in his head.

James and Lily are dead. James and Lily Potter are dead.

But Harry lived.

This little boy, belonging to his best friends, he lived.

Sirius wanted to take baby Harry and hide him from the world, hide him from everything, never let anything hurt him again.

He couldn’t save James or Lily, maybe he could save Harry.

This little boy will grow up without ever knowing the two most brilliant people he has ever met- excluding Moony of course.

Harry Potter will never see those green eyes reflected in his mothers, with long red hair falling in her face. He will never hear her laugh, or feel the warmth that only Lily Potter seemed to emit. Or when she would tut at James, her husband, James Potter, when he would crack a joke- and Oh Merlin.

James.

Harry Potter will never know James.

Stop.

He had to stop. Make his brain shut up. He was buzzing, his body and mind on fire.

When he opened his eyes and found Harry’s pain mirrored in his, he only knew one thing.

He was going to kill Peter Pettigrew.

He was going to destroy Voldemort, he was going to destroy them all.

Even if it’s the last thing I ever do, Sirius Black thought darkly.

If he faced Voldemort, and died doing it, then to hell with it. If he was going to fight,

Then he was going to fight like a damn Potter.

After all, he was one, wasn’t he?