Go Ahead ... Go For It!

Melody! Melody!! Melody!!!! My mother’s impatient voice finally broke through, pulling my attention from my personal game of I Spy. For as long as I can remember, my eyes seem to be constantly drawn to random things in the world around me. Now at fifteen years old, it has become a part of my everyday life.

My family has grown used to me “zoning out,” as they call it, although my mother, especially, tends to get frustrated with me. My dad just waits until my focus returns to whatever is going on in the room. My older brother sometimes teases me about my “weirdness.” My younger brother barely notices me since video games tend to monopolize his focus. That vexes mom as well, by the way.

But really, I wasn’t zoning out. I was actually “zoning in” to something in my environment that had grabbed my attention. Really, it could be anything ... the pattern of water droplets on a flower or plant, the reflection of the sun on a wall or window, the expression on someone’s face, even the movement of someone’s mouth and hands when I’m too far away to hear what they’re saying.

In fact, I’ve always loved imagery ... or at least as long as I could remember. You would think that my interest would have led me to art, but it hasn’t. I don’t want to create visual imagery. I just enjoy looking at it and seeking answers from it. I’m pretty passionate about finding meaning in everyday things ... things that others routinely pass by without even noticing.

In fact, I discovered long ago that visual symbolism often led to me finding answers to the challenges in my life. Call it God or the universe or gifting or whatever, but my longtime habit, if you will, of using visual symbolism to interpret the events happening in my world has served me well.

“Melody!” My mother’s voice pierced the chambers of my mind. “There you go again.” I’ve been trying to get your attention for a solid minute!”

“OK, mom. Sorry! What is it?”

“All I want to know is what you feel like eating? We’ve been in and out of stores all morning and I’m hungry.’

“I’m good with whatever you want, mom,” I reply, and notice that slightly frustrated look on her face ... again.

I feel bad sometimes that I don’t seem to be the daughter my mother was hoping for. This shopping trip was another opportunity for her and me to “connect” ... and I really tried. But I doubt that I’ll ever be the “girly girl” who enjoys “shopping ‘til I drop,” or make-up or even dresses. I might put on some lip gloss and the occasional mascara ... and on rare occasions wear a light coat of foundation, but I generally just focus on looking clean and neat. Also, blue jeans, boots, and Nikes are my friends.

As we turn into a local fast-food place, I notice a green light flashing on a sign at the gas station across the street. Immediately my mind begins to wonder what it means. One thing I know is that emergency lights are generally flashing red or white, amber lights tend to signal caution, and of course, green lights tend to give the go-ahead. These were random thoughts as usual.

However, over the next few days, I seemed to be drawn to green lights, noticing them and wondering about their significance, everywhere I went. I even noticed a sign indicating “Yield to Flashing Green Light Firefighter Emergency Response.” I had NEVER seen a literal sign like that before. Sure, I’d seen any number of fire trucks rushing past us as we drove through our city with red and or white lights flashing. But I never knew about the significance of green lights in a fire emergency.

Anyway, I decided one day after more and "sighting" of green lights that the universe was giving ME a green light. Regardless of my mother’s frustration, my older brother’s teasing, or my little brother’s “couldn’t care less” attitude, I believe that the message I was getting was “Go Ahead!” ... “Go For It!” ... “Be Yourself!” ... “Do What You Were Born To Do!”

Years later, as I stand on the stage as the highest-ranking student in my graduating class at The FBI Academy in Quantico, Virginia, I remember those days of what my family called zoning out but was really zoning in. I realized as I completed my B.S. in Data Analytics that my powers of observation were a gift and part of a skill set that made me a perfect candidate for work as an FBI agent.

Everything became clear after I made that decision and was accepted for admission to the academy. As it turns out, I'm a badass!

I look into the crowd of family members, and the first thing I see is the beaming smile on my mother’s face. That look of pride is an obvious clue that, finally, my mother understands and accepts who I am and the woman I’ve become.

No one is more proud of my accomplishments than she is, and NO ONE talks about them as much as she does. My dad, as always, is standing at her side loving all of us unconditionally. My big brother is raising my adorable niece’s hand to wave at me. I doubt she can even see me. But I can see her big toothless grin. She’s my favorite human being. My sister-in-law is laughing at her two loves with a look of adoration pouring from her eyes. My baby brother, whose focus used to be video games, is now focused on a cute female he got the attention of in the crowd. Who knew my goofy little brother would become a “ladies man.” By the way, he’s also a tech genius. That video game obsession really paid off! Also in the crowd, and receiving the biggest smile of all, is my husband, FBI agent Derrick London.

Yep! I had found my place in life, in my family, in my career, and in the arms of the man of my dreams. I have definitely gotten the “green light.”