(Gimmie) Five (More) Shots And (Sh)it

The Parents Who Came To Party (The Tiger Who Came To Tea' Parody)

Once there was a gullible man called Uncle Fisher and he was cleverly conned into thinking he was spending a romantic birthday weekend away with his wife in the Cotswolds.

Suddenly there was a knock at the farmhouse door. Uncle Fisher said to his wife, “I wonder who that can be? It can’t be the Tesco driver because he came half an hour ago. And it can’t be your brother with my fishing gear and playstation because you cruelly banned such pleasures. And it can’t be our two Tweenies because they’re staying with Grandma and Granddad.”

“Well, you’d better open the door and see” said Uncle Fisher’s wife. Uncle Fisher opened the door and there stood a group of slightly frazzled, sleep deprived yet eager parents.

The parents cried “SURPRISE!!” then barrelled through the door. “We’re very parched! The M5 was chocca, work was shit and it’s been one hell of a week in Snotsville with the cherubs. Are you ready to PARTAY?!?!”

Uncle Fisher said, “Hell yeah! Walk this way!!” So the parents, high with euphoria at the prospect of a childfree weekend and laden with bucket loads of beer, bottles of plonk and spirits, made themselves at home.

Uncle Fisher’s wife said, “Let’s have a drink!” But the parents didn’t just have one drink, they drank to turning 40, to being childfree, to being irresponsible adults and much more and they downed their drinks in great big gulps.

Cheers!

And they were still thirsty so Uncle Fisher’s wife passed round the shots. But again the mid-lifers didn’t shoot just one shot. They guzzled all the shots on the table. And then they drank even more beer and all the prosecco until there was nothing left in the fridge.

So Uncle Fisher’s wife said, “Let’s play a game!” And the mid-lifers played ‘I’m trolleyed, get me another!’ and ‘circles of shame’.

And then they staggered drunkenly round the kitchen to see what else they could scavenge while Uncle Fisher crashed, out for the count, on the table.

They scoffed all the leftover pizza that was abandoned on the side and all the nuts and all the birthday cake. And they scoffed all the popcorn, and all the flaming steak pringles, and all the sweets and all of Miss Mombie's chocolate. Then they said, “You can stick a fork in us, we’re done! But we need another drink now.” And off they tottered.

Miss Mombie said, “What shall we do? We’ve got nothing left, we’ve drunk it all.” And Uncle Fisher’s wife was distraught when she couldn’t snack on any more flaming steak because the parents had scoffed all the pringles in the tube.

Just then, Uncle Fisher found his second wind. So the parents and Uncle Fisher’s wife told him what he’d missed, and how they had scoffed all the food and drunk all the booze. And Uncle Fisher slurred, “I know what we’ll do. I’ve got a very good idea. We’ll put on our cossies and go in the hot tub!”

So they all stumbled out into the dark and all the parents were seeing double and all the stars looked distinctly hazy, and off they wobbled into the hot tub. And they chillaxed until late with yet more alcohol that had magically appeared.

The following afternoon Uncle Fisher and Uncle Fisher’s wife went shopping and they bought lots more fattening things to eat. And they also bought an even bigger supply of booze, in case the parents should ever want to get drunk and disorderly again.

Which of course they stupidly did.

Mister Music Man (A 'Mister Magnolia' Parody)

Mr. Music Man has only one pound.

He plays bass and makes grungy sounds - And sometimes writes music that can be profound -

But Mr Music Man has only one pound.

In his flat festers pants and socks in a mound - He has lots of pop vinyl whose heads bobble round - And he idolises band merch instead of a hound -

But Mr Music Man has only one pound.

His birthday should rock now he’s 21 bound - And he needs to ensure that his stomach gets crowned -

But Mr Music Man has only one pound.

Just look at those Jägerbombs to be downed! And oh! Prosecco… Who’s got the first round?

But Mr Music Man - poor Mr Music Man!

Mr Music Man has only one pound…

Hey –

Mum’s in town…

Good news…

Keep smiling…

Salvation is here!

Result!

It’s, chocolate pizza, prosecco and Jäger! It’s chocolate pizza, prosecco and Jäger!

Thank fudge for Mum!

Cheers!