Friends we couldn't be

We locked eyes over 6 years ago. On 22nd of October to be exact. I clearly remember the day we met. Within a large group of students from countries across Europe, we were ready for adventure, trouble and to leave our old lives behind. At least for 8 months. That was the plan. The plan was to come and go.

You did. You came and you went. We were not special. Though we thought we had the world to our feet. We thought we had it all.

We came together learning all the aspects and culture of the famous United Kingdom. We were so proud of ourselves and the choices we made. Our bond tightened as our friendship grew.

We went out a lot, but we always made sure we looked out for each other. You insisted on walking me home every night.

When you knew I was heartbroken, feeling so incredibly homesick, you knocked on my window in the middle of the night and took me into the beautiful gardens of the hotel we used to work together.

Bright flashlights were hovering above us while we were hiding in the bushes, tyring to hide the giggles behind our hands. Our eyes were wide open, trying not to blink because we did not want to miss a thing.

When we first came to our placement, we had no money. The student rooms were a mess, and I closed the door to mine quickly when I found trash on the floor and my careless roommate snoring on the twin bed.

She did not stay long so I had the room to myself until I met the next person.

Luckily, you had your friend with you and you two shared a room. Us three became close friends and I had spent nights with you watching horror movies and talking about the silliest things. On our first night we needed to get out to get groceries with the little money we had. I went for carrots and a cheap bottle of red wine. You got yourselves some beers, ciders, and cleaning material.

The next day we tackled that bathroom of yours.

Work was not work to us. It was growing a career. A desire to develop skills and to progress our future. We made different friends, but we stuck together, trusting each other with our deepest secrets. We planned our lives. You told me your plans, I encouraged you. I always would. I was hoping you could make it there.

When time approached the end, I knew you will leave this place to follow your path. I remained here.

One of our many last nights you took me out in the freezing cold February night. Our footsteps left marks in the light dust of snow. The moon was shining bright above our heads illuminating our faces. You told me I was beautiful. You kissed me and I kissed you back.

No words were needed. We agreed in silence to leave it to that. Our friendship was stronger.

You have left a few months later and I was sad but happy for you to pursue your dreams and I was determined to follow my path.

On June 21, 2016, you left once again. Only this time for good. You decided to abandon the world.

I could not accept it. I could not understand it. I wanted to know why, but at the same time I did not.

I did not realise you were fighting a battle like this. I am sorry for your pain and for not have listened more. I am sorry I was not able to catch up with you when you left the country.

I appreciate and I am grateful for the time we had. Thank you for the friendship we developed, the late-night walks, the laughs you gave me. Thank you for letting me to get to know you.

Now 6 years later I am left with a little package wrapped in brown paper.

You once shared, when you die you wish your ashes to be planted with seeds to grow a wonderful tree.

I don’t know why the package has been sent to me and by whom but for sure I will find its purpose.

In my hands I am holding the seeds to a new life.