Forbidden Fire

“Are you trying to get us all killed?!”

I shrink back as my mother rushes in, her fist raised, panic-stricken and white with fear as she stares me down after entering my room to see me holding a tiny heart shaped locket.

I begin to cry, and my mother’s face softens a little. The anger is still in her eyes, but it is somehow gentler. She smiles weakly at me and takes a few deep breaths. She takes a step towards me, and then another, and another, until she is right by my ear. She whispers, “Sweetheart, I don’t know where you got that, but you must never, ever, let anyone see it. Do you understand? Love is not allowed, and if anybody saw you with love paraphernalia.. We would all be persecuted. I will pretend I didn't see it this time.. But if I see it again you will have to leave. Be careful, my sweet girl.” My mother wipes away my tears and smiles, continuing in a louder voice, “My mistake, sweetheart! I thought you were doing something else! Take care, dear!” Without another word, my mother slinks from my room and shuts the door quietly behind her.

I sigh and run my finger along my tiny locket, a gift from the boy next door, Jeremy Locke, from when we were fifteen; before he got taken to the war, and was lost to me forever. It is all I have left of him. I haven’t seen him in five years. He got caught writing me a love letter, and was thrown into the war to be one of the body shields on the front line; the soldiers who are too young, too untrained, not supplied with proper gear. The sacrifices- for the “greater good” as our Primer says.

I glance at the picture of the Primer hanging on my door, along with every other door in the land. Disgust washes over me as I glance next to the Primer, to his son; the person I am betrothed to, and have been since the day I was created. The primer decides all betrothals, and he does so before a baby is even fully grown in the womb. He bases it off many things, he claims, but mostly it seems to be greed. I come from the wealthiest, most influential family in our land, and I am the only heir. My mother is not fertile any longer, and she has no siblings to carry on our name. When my family dies, I will be the sole Lebonair. That makes me valuable. That makes the Primer want me. The Primer told me that if he could have another betrothed, he would have chosen me for himself, but that is not the way. So, lucky me, I get to be betrothed to the Primer’s Heir.

The Primer’s Heir is just like the Primer. He is heartless and cold, calculating and calm. Always so calm. It’s extremely... unnerving. When I first met him, I ran away after taking one look in his eyes. They had no emotion in them. Emotions are legal, besides love, but for the Primer, or the Primer’s Heir, it seems emotions are not there. I don’t want to live beside a man like that. I tried to beg and plead with my parents, I tried to bribe and run, but alas, they said it was not up to them; the Primer chooses the betrothal, and he chose me. Billions of girls all across the land, and he chose me.

My heart shrinks and my shoulders hunch as I hear the sound of the Primer and the Primer’s Heir at the front door. They never knock twice; only one loud whap. That is the way, so they say. My mother calls me from the front room, and I swiftly hide my locket in the small velvet bag I got it in, hidden in a box of tampons in a hidden compartment under my floor. My mother calls more frantically, and I race out of my room, scampering to the front room as quickly as I can in the ridiculous heels the Primer always insists on me wearing.

When I get to the front room I smile weakly- the best smile I could achieve for such men- and curtsy twice; once to the Primer, and once to the Primer’s Heir. “Sir Primer, welcome to our home! Sir Heirness, it is good to see you- welcome!” I try to hide that I am breathing hard, and I swallow once to gain control of myself. “I am so sorry for the delay, Sir Primer, I was curling my hair in preparation for your arrival.”

The Primer’s eyes glint as they rake over me. “Oh, not to worry dear, I’m sure your mother will teach you to be properly punctual with such tasks in due time.” The Primer glances coolly at my mother, who shrinks under his gaze. My blood boils, and I have to clench a fist behind my back to keep from striking him as he continues. “As you are likely aware, it is time for the betrothal to become complete. You are now of age. You will pack your things and say your goodbyes today, and then you will be moving in with me and my heir. We will wait for you in the Gareth Hall, and you will be there at sundown. Your mother will be permitted to visit once a week to continue your training, but all other training will be by my staff. Understood?”

My eyes sink to the floor. “Understood, Sir Primer. Thank you, Sir Primer.” I curtsy to them both again before they nod curtly and leave, without a word or a glance to my parents. My mother sinks to the floor, grief stricken. My father, however, glances coolly at me and gestures for me to get a move on.

“You heard the Primer, get on with it, girl!”

“Yes father,” I whisper. After one last look at my mother, I turn and go back to my room to gather my things. It doesn’t take me long; I don’t have much to my name. My father didn’t see any point in buying me things when I was not completely betrothed yet. ‘More crap to carry when you move’ he always says.

The final item I grab is my locket, which I quickly stuff in my bra. It feels wrong having to hide it, but as my mom said.. It is illegal paraphernalia.

I spend the rest of the day in a blur, saying goodbye to my friends, not that I have many. Nobody wants to be friends with someone so high up, especially if she is leaving so young. My friends are all animals and plants. I suppose now that I will permanently be living somewhere, maybe I will be able to make some friends now. Or maybe the Primer and Primer’s Heir will keep me hidden away like my father.

Nightfall comes too quickly. My mother is in tears as she says goodbye in the front room of our home; she said she can’t show any tears in front of the Primer, so she won’t be going to send me off. “Goodbye, my sweet girl.. I will miss you every day I am unable to visit you. You’re my treasure, always. Take care of yourself out there, and be careful. I have heard a lot of things about that place, I-”

My mother is swiftly cut off by my father, who clears his throat loudly and gives her a hard stare. “Let’s go, it is time for the send off, girl.”

“Yes, father. Goodbye mom… I will miss you and write to you every day. Don’t worry, I’ll be okay. I promise.”

The home of the Primer is larger than I expected. Larger, even, than any other building I have ever seen in my entire life. If I had to guess, I would say it has well over two hundred rooms, but I was given strict orders never to leave my wing unless called for. My wing alone has seven bedrooms, a kitchen with a staff, a large indoor pool room, an indoor theatre, and a beautiful- and ginormous- bathroom full of crystal. It is three stories. Everything is rather lovely, but also very lonely. The only people I have to talk to are ‘my’ servant staff, and ‘my’ kitchen staff. It is utterly insane to think I will be living in a place like this, while the rest of the land starves. Many people of the land do not even have a roof over their heads, and those that even have a three bedroom like where I come from are extremely wealthy to have that. I can only begin to imagine how expensive this place is.

Thankfully, there are some people my age in the staff. There are four boys, each a few years older than me, as well as two that are about a year younger than me. There are also five girls, all my age, four of whom are kitchen staff who seem resentful. One of them, though, seems to show some pity and curiosity, so I hope that maybe I can have one friend here. She is one of my direct servants, so I see more of her. It doesn’t seem like a good start to a friendship to have her dressing and bathing me, though. I don’t even know her name yet, and I have been here a week. She never speaks, and I am starting to wonder if she even can. I wonder if she knows I can talk; I haven’t spoken a word since I got here. I spend most of my time alone now, anyway. My direct servants seem to follow me wherever I go, but they melt into the background unless it looks like I am trying to do something that I am not supposed to do on my own. Then they step in without a word and melt back when they are finished. It is a bit unnerving to me, but I don’t really have a say in the matter. I have four servants trailing after me at all times, even when I sleep. It seems pretty ridiculous to me, and the tasks they do I can easily do for myself.

Three weeks after I arrived at the Primer Estate, I finally get a chance to speak. All my servants but the girl my age have been requested to work kitchen duty to help prepare for the Primer Heir’s party. I am ‘invited’ to attend, but I still don’t know why the party is being thrown. The Heir’s head servant made it clear I am required to attend, though. As I get out of bed, my sole servant of the day rushes to my side, ready to begin the tedious process of getting me prim and proper for the party tonight. I sigh and shoo her off a bit, and she steps back, looking unsure.

“I’m sorry Miss, have I done something wrong?” The servant’s voice is shaky, as if she rarely uses it.

I grin and shake my head, shakily replying, “No, no, nothing like that. It’s just ridiculous you have to do this at all. Why don’t you go sit down, and keep me company while I get ready today? I haven’t gotten to do anything myself in weeks, and I am getting restless.”

The uncertainty fades from her face and she grins impishly back at me. “Oh thank goodness! I agree, this is insane. I can’t believe the Primer is acting like you can’t even brush your own hair- I couldn’t even imagine being trapped here like that. Not that I have much choice myself, but at least I can still do things. It must be maddening. I’m Shara, by the way… Shara Wilkins. What’s your name?”

It’s the first time I have had a chance to use my name in ten years. “I’m Elzbieta. Elzbieta Lebonair. It’s nice to meet you.. And to finally get to speak. Why don’t any of you speak? Are those your orders?”

“Yes, the Primer tells us not to speak to you. I don’t know why.. But he doesn’t want anyone to speak to you unless he orders them to. I’m glad the crazy old bats got called to the kitchen today. Today will be fun! I know we are supposed to get you ready all day, but with the two of us it should be a shorter task.. Do you wanna do something first? I haven’t gotten to do anything with anyone my age in, well, ages.”

I perk up immediately at her offer and look around me to check that nobody is spying. “Let’s do it! I’ve never gotten to be with a girl my age.. The girls where I am from were all too afraid of my title, and thought it was pointless to be friends because I was destined to be trapped in this godforsaken place. What do you have in mind?”

“Have you seen the garden yet?” She smacks her forehead quickly and rolls her eyes at herself. “Oh.. What a silly question. Of course you haven’t. I can show you a secret tunnel, if you like.. It leads right out to the garden from your quarters! The garden is lovely, especially this time of year. They have many summer blooming flowers, and trees. Nobody will be out there right now; everyone is preparing for the party!”

I try to imagine a garden in a place like this. It doesn’t seem to fit. “Thank you! I love gardens! I used to have my own, before- well, before I moved here.”

Shara’s eyes soften with sympathy, and she quickly springs to her feet, dashing from the room. I grin and follow her just as quickly, easily catching up as she rounds a corner and skids to a stop in front of a large portrait of the Primer’s Heir. She grins and looks around to make sure nobody is nearby, then presses in a brick in the wall next to the bottom right corner of the portrait. I watch with wide eyes as part of the wall slides open to reveal a dimly lit hallway. It looks old- much older than the rest of the estate. Shara enters quickly, dragging me along behind her. She quickly presses on a brick on the wall to our left, and the door shuts rapidly behind us.

“This is part of the original building. Not many people know about it; my family are the only ones who remember now. My family has worked in this estate since before the Primer came and took it over and developed it in all these riches. It used to be a secret tunnel to sneak people on the run, people who were supposed to be sacrificed to the front lines. Not even the Primer knows about this. I haven’t shared it with any of the other workers; they’re all under the hand of the Primer and his obnoxious Heir. Can’t risk it. If the Primer found out about it, and found out I knew and didn’t tell him, I would be sent to the front lines. The tunnel leads all over the place, but the garden is this way, follow me!”

By the time we reach the end of the tunnel, where Shara stops to press another brick, we are both giggling with giddiness. We are both breathless as the tunnel opens, revealing the most beautiful garden I have ever seen. Shara smiles to herself as we step out from the tunnel. She picks up a small rock about two feet to the right of the tunnel door, and presses a small button hidden in the ground that looks to be connected to wires, inside a clear protective casing of some sort. The tunnel closes, and she returns the rock. “It’s amazing, isn’t it? I don’t get to come out here very often. It’s been four years since I’ve seen it. It’s even more lovely than I remember!”

I look around at the garden in front of me; the tunnel brought us underneath a large, beautiful willow tree. The willow sways around us gently in the breeze, revealing beautiful flowers hidden below. “It’s stunning.. How is there something so lovely here? That tunnel is amazing too! You said it leads all over?”

“Yeah.. My great great great great great grandmother invented the tunnel. It leads everywhere that is part of the original estate. The original estate was rather large, but nowhere near as large as it is now. You can still get around pretty easily with it, though. There are small signs inside the tunnel to tell you where you are going, if you know where to look. They’re hidden inside compartments all over the tunnel; you just have to look for the bricks with the small black stone in them and press in. It’s hard to spot, barely the size of a pebble, but it helps keep you from getting lost. It’s a maze in there if you don’t know where to go. People have died there. It’s somewhat of a family legacy now.”

We explore the garden for hours. There are plants I have never heard of, and plants I have always wished I could see. It has the widest assortment of plant life I have ever seen. It takes my breath away, and I quickly become determined to get a chance to sneak out and see it again soon. Much too soon, Shara becomes panicky realizing the time. “Oh no! It’s past noon, look at the sun! We have to get back, before the kitchen staff brings you your lunch and sees that we are missing! Hurry!”

We rush back up to my room, only a few minutes before the kitchen staff arrives. They are surprised to see me just getting out of bed, and I shrug with a bashful smile. “Had a restless night.” They quickly serve my lunch, curtsy and bow, and leave as quickly as they came.

After lunch, Shara and I quickly rush about, getting me ready for the party. We finish just in time, both a bit breathless as the Heir’s servant enters my room. “Miss Lebonair. I have been instructed to escort you to the Heir, to arrive at his party together to celebrate your official betrothal.”

This news brings me up short. I was supposed to have another two months before the official betrothal ceremony. Instead, it looks like they have bumped up the schedule rapidly, without telling me. “Is- is my mother going to be there?”

“Yes, Miss. Your mother will arrive soon. She will join you at the ceremony.”

“Alright… May I bring my servant with me, in case I need anything during the ceremony?”

“Yes, Miss. As you wish. We shall send her ahead to the ceremony, so that she will be there with you. But you must come with me now; it is in poor taste to be late to your own ceremony entrance. I trust you have been properly coached on your dance?” I nod once, and follow the servant. He brings me through winding hallway after winding hallway, door after door, until finally we come across a large door lined with jewels. “Your betrothed is just beyond that door, Miss. I shall see you both at the ceremony.. Good luck.” The servant gives me one quick look of pity and shame, and then swiftly returns to his carefully crafted stoic expression. He turns and leaves swiftly.

I take a deep breath, steadying myself. Then I knock quietly on the door, hoping beyond hope that he will not hear me and that I can escape somehow. But I have nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide. “Come in!”

“Your Heirness, it is good to see you.” I curtsy once to the Primer’s Heir, and he grins.

“I have been waiting for you. I can’t wait until after the ceremony… All the wonderful things I am going to do to you once you are officially mine.” He smirks at me, stepping close to run a finger along my jawline, down my neck, my side, and then around my back. I shudder in repulsion, but remain where I am. “Well anyway, let’s go. We can’t be late to our own ceremony, there will be talk.”

I reluctantly follow the Primer’s Heir down to the large double doors leading to the ceremony. I look at him reproachfully as he puffs his chest and gets ready for a big entrance. I think about life betrothed to this boy, whose name I do not even know, and I feel sick to my stomach.

The doors are opened for us by two servants, looking at me with pity. I shrink back, suddenly ashamed to be here. I look out to the crowd in the ceremony; the room is absolutely ginormous, with a crowd larger than any I have ever witnessed. The crowd cheers as the Primer’s Heir grabs my waist and drags me forward with him to stand at the top of a grand staircase decorated with the finest materials; banisters wrapped in real chains of jewels and silks that look to have real gold in them, with a rug of fine furs on each step. We slowly go down the steps, and with each step we take I grow more and more repulsed. I feel the strong urge to flee. We get to the decadent platform between the two layers of steps; our stage for the first dance. From across the large, now deadly silent room, an announcer crows excitedly, “And now, for everyone in the land to see, the Primer’s Heir will now officially take Miss Lebonair as his betrothed! First, their first dance, followed by the ceremony itself, and then everyone shall have the chance to share in dancing and festivities with the new couple! Let’s give a warm welcome, as they welcome their betrothal with their dance, which they have been preparing for ten years!”

The crowd goes wild, and the camera crew in the corner spins slowly to take it all in before focusing back on us and zooming in. I struggle to keep the fear and disgust from my face. As the Primer’s Heir takes my hand to kiss, I cringe back. He grins at me wickedly and pulls me close to whisper in my ear. “And there it is, the truth. I was wondering how long you would be able to keep it up. Get over it. You don’t have a choice. After this you get to be alone with me, how lucky for you. The true fun starts then, hotness.”

I shudder again in repulsion as he steps back and lifts our linked hands to the crowd. We stay there as the music begins, and then release to face each other. The Heir gives me a stern look as I miss the beat to start. I continue to stand there, frozen, as the Heir slowly grows more and more furious with me. I begin to cry, and a look of disgust crosses his face. I turn to the crowd and back to him a couple times, then I bow my head in shame and shout. “I’m sorry everyone! You have wasted your time coming here for this, I can’t do it! I don’t.. I don’t and I can’t ever love him! I can’t do the betrothal ceremony, I’m so sorry!”

The Heir grabs my wrist, swings me around to face him, and the next thing I know I am on the floor. I heard the loud smack when he struck me, but somehow it didn't feel real. I can’t feel anything as numb dread sets in. Within a minute, I am surrounded by guards, who drag me from the room to a chamber. I am roughly shoved in a chair, and left alone. I don’t have to wait long before the Primer storms in, furious. “You will do the betrothal ceremony! And if you ever mention love again, you will be given to the front line! Is that understood, girl?”

My body starts to shake, despite my best efforts to prevent it. When I reply, my voice is shaking, too. “I-I can’t.. I don’t love him! He’s a m-monster just like..” Suddenly I feel a strong hatred and defiance fueling me. “..Just like you!”

I clench my teeth to bite back a yell as I am struck again across my cheek. My ears ring from the force of it. I can feel my eye swelling and bruising. The Primer glares coldly at me, growling slowly, “That’s it then. To the front lines with her.”

I shriek as I am dragged up from my chair by the Primer’s guards, my hate-fueled strength suddenly gone. “No! No! Please, you can’t send me there! Please! Primer! Primer, please! Please don’t do this! I’ll die! You know I’ll die! The Lebonairs, they won’t forgive this! There will be riots!”

The Primer ignores my pleas. He snarls to the guards something lowly, and they roughly drag me from the room, kicking and screaming.

Within two days, I arrived at the entry quarters for soldiers. I have no armor, no shield, no vests. I am left in the gown and heels I wore for the ceremony. I was given a choice of weapon; no firearms. I chose twin blades I felt drawn to. I am escorted to the sleep quarters, and told to be prepared for my two day training. That’s all I get. Two days to turn me into something that will be able to momentarily distract the enemy lines. Two days before I have to join the fight. They don’t even waste real soldiers to train us, they send back a few of the people who are in the front lines.

Six sharp comes too quickly. I am woken up by a shrill horn blasting in the front of the quarters, followed by yelled orders. I stumble to my feet and grab my twin blades to follow the rest of the new front liners outside for training. The soldier that woke us up stops us and makes us get in lines, spread out six feet apart. There are a lot of us; some are as young as ten, and none of us look like warriors. “Alright losers! This is the last you will see of the real soldiers so get one last good look, scum! Stay as you are, and await your orders!” The soldier sneers at us all as he walks away to join the group of soldiers he brought, all waiting by a fancy car to take them back to the real soldier quarters, in the back line territory.

I stare at my feet while we wait for the trainers to come. My head snaps up as I hear a voice I never thought I would hear again. “Alright cadets, it’s time to train! We will get you in shape as best we can in these two days, and prepare you to fight the enemies. Most of you will die. But, if you focus hard, and fight for your life, you may last! Do your best!” My eyes lock with the boy who gave me my heart locket so long ago. Jeremy Locke. I begin making plans of escape, and he shakes his head gently, telling me no. He always did have a way of knowing what I was thinking. He walks over to me and whispers quickly, “Elzbieta, my love… I hoped to never see you here. We will fight, and we will get away. I promise. Just give it some time.” The pain in his voice breaks my heart.

On the second day of training, I began to feel the fear set in. I ripped my gown to make it into a huntress dress, short and easy to move in. I turned the extra fabric into a sash that holds my twin blades, which I am surprisingly- and thankfully- good at using. Jeremy has been helping me learn; apparently he chose twin blades too.

As training comes to an end, the thrill of fear is ringing through me. We all begin walking, heading to the front lines. It only takes a few minutes to realize I am out of my depth, as enemies strike hard before I can even stop to prepare. It doesn’t take long for enemies to strike my head hard enough to send me to the ground. I raise my arms to defend myself, my twin blades scattered too far away to grab in time. The strike doesn’t come, and I look up in horror as I watch Jeremy being attacked, surrounded by not only the enemies he was fighting, but also the one who had been ready to strike me with the killing blow. They strike him over and over, but he doesn’t stop fighting. I scramble for my blades, and rush to help, but I am too late. One of the enemies sends a sword straight through his heart, and he sinks to the ground two steps ahead of me.

I shriek in fury and pain, a sudden strength of hatred fueling me as I slaughter every single enemy in reach. I make it through the day. The enemy retreats to tend to their wounded, giving me time to find Jeremy. I sink down beside him, and rest a hand on his chest. His beautiful green eyes stare up at me, lifeless and frozen in the determination he had when he was fighting for me. Tears roll hot down my cheeks, spilling over him as I make him a promise. “I will avenge you. I’ll get out of here, and I will take the Primer down.. Watch over me until I do. I love you.. I’m so sorry!”

I begin to plot.