For the Owl

It was an early fall night. The sun was sitting near the top of the mountains and just starting to set. The weather was still warm and the leaves had just started to fall.

I sat on the porch of my cabin. My little get-away spot nestled on the edge of a forest and overlooked a lake with mountains painting the background. There were few trees in the clearing between the cabin and the lake. Few enough that I was still allowed to see the lake and mountains. Simply a peaceful, beautiful, and relaxing view.

Sitting there I thought of the joyous moments of my life. The good times I had. All the things I was grateful for. Having life and breath in my lungs to be able to enjoy such a moment and scenery. Being in a good place in my life I couldn't ask for anything better at this moment.

Watching the light fade as I thought about all this, a barn owl caught my attention as it flew through the clearing. It landed in a tree off to my right and not far from where I sat. I had seen it before, at least I think it was the same one. Such a beautiful creature.

My mind shifted to the barn owl. Imagining where it’s been. What it had done. Mostly jealous of the view it was capable of seeing. Where I was stuck on the ground, it could soar high above the trees and see the whole lake and mountains all at once. That would be a sight to see and I wondered if it thought about that or enjoyed the view it saw. Or was it just in the simple mind of just living? Or was it surviving? I never really thought about it before. Did the owl even know?

The owl sat there for a while and I watched it. It was dusk now, and yet the light from my cabin still allowed me to see it. Then it turned and looked at me, almost through me. It’s eyes glowed a golden-yellow color; a piercing yellow that captivated me. I felt the eyes looking through me and into my soul. I felt as if the owl had turned it’s thoughts to me and was observing my life and wondering about all that I had done. We stared at each other for what felt like an eternity.

“Whaa…!” I jumped up in surprise as another creature pounced on the owl.

A bobcat had been in the tree and found its moment to strike. It must have been there for a while and neither of us noticed it. Such stealth had left me astonished.

I watched in conflicted amazement as the bobcat had landed on the ground with the owl in its mouth. The owl flapped its wings trying to escape. The bobcat gave it a violent shake. A final twitch from the owl’s wing and it went lifeless, and the bobcat scampered off with it's prize.

Collapsing back into my seat I felt my heart begin to hurt. The owl didn’t do anything and now it was gone. It had just been sitting there; having a rest before its night.

Tears began to well up in my eyes. I hadn’t cried since I was a boy. I had been taught to be tough, that boys don’t cry. I didn’t even cry when I would be alone.

I didn’t cry when I lost both parents to cancer months apart. It was a part of life I had told myself.

No tears fell from lovers lost. They just weren’t for me, I told myself. Even after the years we had spent together living and growing together. It happens. I toughed it out and moved on.

Dry eyes followed when my last job downsized. I had invested over a decade of my life for them. These things happen, I had told myself. I didn’t want to feel like it was a waste and I picked myself up and looked forward with the experience I had gained.

These things had hurt, even if just for a moment, they had hurt. No blood or tears, yet these things had left a scar in me. It was all a part of life, I understood that. I thought I understood that.

Yet why now? Not a tear for years until this owl. It was just an owl. The hunter had become the hunted. It was just a part of life.

That look from the owl. That moment our eyes met I felt something. Something I couldn't explain. Then, there I was in so much pain.

I couldn’t hold it anymore. My eyes burst with tears and I wept.

As I wept for the owl, so many past thoughts and feelings flooded my mind and body and I wept harder. I couldn’t contain myself. I had maintained control for so long and kept it all pushed away. But now…what was happening?

“No,” I cried to myself.

These tears were for the owl. All the hurt and pain was for the owl I told myself as I tried to re-detach from past realities. I tried to push it all back into their bottles and jars.

“For the owl,” I sobbed.

So much pain and heartache...for the owl.

So many tears...for the owl.

I don’t know how long I cried, but it had all been for the owl.