Follow the Foreigners

A drone had arrived at Bixby’s door to drop a package. Bixby looked out the window when he heard the whirring of the drone, saw a box thud and went outside.

“There's a package at the door, Emma,” Bixby shouted at his wife.

“So what? Why are you telling me?” she asked.

“Because there’s a mysterious box outside. I thought you liked mysterious things,” Bixby said.

“Just get the package,” Emma said.

He brought it in and opened it. It was the last of the paperwork he needed to fill out for his visa. His boss told him he needed an interview with an influential or powerful world figure to keep his job at the station. He went to his desk and filled out the papers.

He finished in a hurry, hoping everything was correct. He got in his car and rushed down to the old building where Zander Island kept its embassy. Bixby smiled gleefully when the embassy stapled the paper in his passport. He had had finally gotten his visa approved. He could now travel to Zander Island and interview Hatu Birch, the ruthless dictator who led a coup to overthrow the previous regime using internationally banned war methods, like chemical and biological warfare. Many of the effects were still lingering on Zander Island today.

Bixby knew he had to be careful what he asked. He knew Hatu was capable of anything and had killed journalists before for asking the wrong question or asking the right question in the wrong tone of voice. Hatu had one journalist executed for winking, mistaking an itch in the journalists eye for flirtation.

Bixby kept a list of preapproved questions in his pocket, brought anti-itch eye drops with him and prayed there weren’t any other misunderstandings. Bixby wanted to ask an original question to spice up the interview and really get some publicity. Maybe he’d lie and saying a question was off the record, but keeping his recorder on. He knew he had to plan something like this carefully though, or it was off to the execution squad.

He called his boss at Albatross International News and told him to book the interview because he’d got the visa.

“That’s great, you’ll leave at six tomorrow,” Bixby’s boss said. Bixby briskly walked to his car and shouted, “This is going to be the interview of my life, woo.”

A few people on the sidewalk turned to look at him. Bixby shouted, “THAT’S RIGHT. YAH. You’re staring at a SUPERSTAR.”

He got into his car and drove home. He walked inside his house and his wife stood up.

“Emma, you’re going to want to sit down for this. Guess what. I got the interview. This is my big chance. No more local news reports. I’m going to be a star,” Bixby said.

“I want a divorce,” Emma said.

“I’m sorry what? Are you joking? Did you not hear me?” Bixby said.

Emma picked up a prepacked suitcase and pushed Bixby aside on her way out.

“I’m going to my sister’s house. Its better this way, this new interview is only going to feed your already massive ego. In the meantime, don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t email me, don’t contact me in any way ever again,” Emma said.

“Can we talk about this? Emma, please. I love you,” Bixby begged.

Emma turned around and said, “Sure, let’s talk about this. You don’t love me, you love the idea of me. You love me cooking and cleaning for you when you get home. You’re a selfish narcissist, you’re only focused on work, and I know you’ve cheated on me at least twice because you accidently butt dialed me both times on video calls when you were with the other women. Do you know what it feels like watching your allegedly loving husband screw another woman? No, because you’re a sociopath you sick bastard. You’re dead to me. Oh, and I’m seeing somebody else. I’m done talking. Bye.” Emma gave Bixby the finger, turned back around and left.

Bixby sat on the couch and started to cry.

“Why would she do this to me? She could have told me she’d seen the video calls and we could have worked this out. Why is life so cruel?” Bixby moaned.

He kept crying until he fell asleep.

He woke up the next morning and looked at the time. It was five fifteen.

“Crap. I’m never going to make it,” Bixby said. He took a quick shower, put some clothes on and without bothering to make breakfast, called a cab.

“To JFK international, and step on it,” Bixby said.

“Speeding cost extra,” the driver said and spit something out of the window before rolling it up.

“That’s fine. I can’t miss my flight,” Bixby said.

Bixby got to the airport and checked his watch. It read five forty nine, giving him exactly eleven minutes to get through T.S.A. Bixby was too depressed to pack a suitcase the night before. That was ok with him, though. That meant less time checking in luggage. He could always buy new clothes in Zander.

He made it to the gate just as the clock hit six A.M. He saw the rest of his team already there.

“What took you so long,” Mike, the cameraman asked.

“Sorry, got some bad news last night. Emma left me. But I’m here now, that’s all that matters,” Bixby said.

“It’s about damn time. You were always bragging about how many times you cheated on her and got away with it. Good for her,” Mike said.

“Oh, shut up, Mike. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love her. I just had certain needs she wasn’t meeting,” Bixby said.

“Oh, don’t be sad. I’m sure there’s another woman out there for you somewhere. Maybe one of the dozens of women you were sleeping around with,” Mike said and smiled.

Through clenched teeth, Bixby said, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mike.”

Just as Bixby sat down, the loudspeaker announced, “boarding flight to Zander Island. All passengers, please present tickets.” Bob the boom operator started laughing.

“No time to relax,” Bob said.

“Shut up, Bob,” Bixby said. Bixby and his crew boarded the flight and flew to Zander Island. They got off the plane, got into a prearranged limo, then arrived at a small, run down hotel.

“I thought the station said they booked us a five star resort,” Bixby said.

“On Zander Island, this is a five star resort,” Mike said.

They went inside and checked in.

“Welcome to Zander Island. Xanu will show you to your rooms,” the clerk said and pointed to the bellhop.

“Thank you, Xanu,” Bixby said and smiled.

“When is the interview with Hatu?” Mike asked.

“The station told me they booked him for one o’clock tomorrow. That’s apparently when Hatu takes his lunch break, but instead has blessed us with the pleasure of his company,” Bixby said.

Bixby, Mike, Bob and the one man security detail, Jim, had set there alarms for two hours before the interview so nobody was late.

But by the time the alarms buzzed, everyone was already ready.

“I’m so excited, I couldn’t sleep. I can’t wait for our Beckman award,” Mike said.

“Let’s go, people. To the van,” Bixby said. They went outside, got in a van and headed to Hatu’s heavily guarded palace.

Two soldiers stopped the van and a third approached the window.

“Who are you?” The soldier asked.

“Hi. We’re with Albatross International. Hatu knows we’re coming,” Bixby said.

“Identification,” the soldier said. Bixby and his crew showed the soldier there press passes.

“You may enter. Open the gates,” the soldier said. They drove inside and parked.

The crew approached the door, but before they could knock, somebody opened it.

“Are you the American’s?” The person asked.

“Yes,” Bixby said and nodded.

“Right this way,” the man said and lead them to a fancy dining room where Hatu was waiting at a table.

“Please sit,” Hatu said and laughed. Bixby sat down and Mike turned on the camera and began filming.

“So, what would you like to ask me,” Hatu said.

“Alright, first question. What made you decide to lead your country?” Bixby asked.

“Why would you say first question? Of course it’s the first question, it’s the only question you’ve asked. What do you think I am, an imbecile? Guards, arrest these men,” Hatu said.

Bixby nervously looked at Mike and asked, “Is he joking? It’s a figure of speech.”

“I’m afraid not,” Mike said and pointed to the guards.

“Good job. You’ve offended him with one question,” Bob said. Bixby look at Jim, who shrugged.

“Run to the van,” Bixby said.

They pushed the guards out of the way and rushed to the van.

“Follow the foreigners,” Hatu shouted.

They started to drive, then the guards shot out there tires.

“Damn it,” Bixby shouted.

“I’m scared,” Mike said.

“Were all scared. Shut up and run” Bixby said. They got out of the van and started running to the gate. Everyone made it out before the gates closed but Jim.

“Don’t worry Jim, I’ll have the station get you a lawyer,” Bixby said and they kept running. They barely made it a few feet when a soldier tackled Bob.

“Don’t worry Bob, I’ll have the station get you a lawyer, too” Bixby shouted and kept running.

“I’m filming all of this for evidence,” Mike said.

Bixby and Mike managed to make it a half mile before a soldier came out of nowhere, knocked the camera out of Mike’s hand and tackled him. Bixby picked up the camera and kept running.

“Don’t worry Mike, I’ll have…” Bixby started to say.

“I know. The station get me a lawyer,” Mike said. Bixby kept running until he saw a jungle.

“I be safe from the guards in here,” Bixby said and started to head into the jungle when a soldier tackled him.

“You know I work for a huge company that’s going to get me an expensive lawyer,” Bixby said.

“That won’t matter when you die in prison, American scum. But I suppose the lawyers can fight for your corpse,” the soldier said. Bixby gulped.

Bixby was taken to a prison cell and thrown in with the rest of his crew.

“How’s that lawyer coming along,” Mike said.

“Shut up, Mike,” Bixby said.

Bixby looked at the soldier who’d just thrown him in and asked, “Are we entitled to a phone call?”

“You are entitled to nothing, American,” the soldier said and spit on Bixby’s face before walking away. Bixby wiped the spit from his eye and sat down.

“What now?” Mike asked.

“You stop talking, and the rest of us wait to see if the company knows we’ve been arrested and sends someone to get us out of here before were executed,” Bixby said.

Time seemed to pass slowly, and eventually they fell asleep. They woke the next day and sat stoically and quiet.

The cell door clinked open, breaking the silence.

“Oh god, its time. They’re going to kill us,” Mike said.

“Shut up, Mike,” Bixby said.

A soldier tossed someone into the cell.

“Who are you?” Bixby asked.

“The station sent me. I was your lawyer,” The man said.

“Was… What do you mean was?” Bixby asked.

“They arrested me too. They said foreigners weren’t entitled to lawyers,” The lawyer said.

“Crap,” Bixby said.

“I’m Mike, by the way. Welcome to the club,” Mike said.

“I won’t tell you again, shut up Mike,” Bixby said.

“So rude,” Mike said. Bixby playfully smacked Mike on the head.

“I’m Noah,” the lawyer said.

“You’re not a very good lawyer, Noah. You should have stuck to boat building,” Bixby said.

“Ha-ha, so original,” Noah said.

“Nice to meet you, Noah,” Mike said.

“Hopefully the company will send a rescue mission,” Noah said.

“In the meantime, what are we supposed to do? Rot?” Bixby asked.

“I suppose so,” Mike said.

“I swear to god, Mike. You’re getting on my last nerve,” Bixby said.

***

Six months had passed and the U.S. government had finally agreed to a prisoner exchange for the release of Bixby and his crew.

“Is this real life? Are we finally free?” Mike asked. Bixby smiled and put his arm around Mike.

“Yes, it’s real. We’re finally free after six months in that hell,” Bixby said.

“I’m never coming back to Zander Island,” Bob said.

“And we don’t have too. We’re probably hero’s back home. Let’s see the station try and fire us now. There’d be riots in the street,” Bixby said.

“Good, because this place sucks,” Jim said.

“It sure does,” Mike said.

“I wish that damned drone never dropped off the paperwork for the visa. Why did I have to open the box?” Bixby asked.

They were driven to the airport and got on a plane back home.

“I’m looking forward to a hot shower and a warm meal,” Bixby said. Everyone smiled as the plane took off.

Copyright © 11/18/2022 by A.H. Mittelman. All rights reserved.