Flee the Planet

“Oh, wouldja look at that? There’s a snake in my boot.”

...

“Well aren’t you going to do something about it?” the suited man asks, leaning around for a better view.

“Nah, he’s likely no harm, just drawn in by the campfire and looking for some place warm to hunker down for the night. I’ll let him sleep and evict him in the morning.”

...

“Now that I think about it, we don’t have to call it ‘snake’ anymore... We don’t have to call that ‘tree’, or this ‘rock’, or this ‘fire’... We could rewrite the entire nomenclature.”

“We could, but I’m not sure I’m that creative.”

The suited man chuckled.

“Now that you mention it, me neither... Are you sure you don’t want some?”

“Nah, I’ve never been a fan of the sauce.”

“Hmph. Might as well be liquid currency in the city. People don’t even know how to socialize without it, anymore.”

“Speaking of temptations, you want one?” he asks, suggesting with a small white package.

The suited man paused then laughed. “But they’re candy!”

He grinned. “Yeah, my son always thought it looked like me on the box. Of course I never bothered with the real stuff.”

“Not even once?”

“Nah. Never made much sense to have to deal with the annoyance of needing it.”

“Good for you... Sheriff.”

“Oh yeah,” he said thoughtfully, pulling the plastic badge from his vest. “Another momento…” he explained, his eyes watering.

“I’m surprised they didn’t let you bring them. I know others did.”

“I tried to play hardball with them about it. They said there would be a second voyage.”

...

“They didn’t tell you?”

…

*Sigh*

...

“Why do I get the feeling you’re about to give me very bad news?”

“Perceptive, one aren’t you?”

“You have to be, to work with animals… Just go ahead and give it to me straight.”

“There is a second ship, but it’s not coming here, and it’s very likely your family won’t be on it.”

The Sheriff didn’t say anything else, just stared blankly in the suited man’s general direction.

The suited man sighed, “This voyage... contains the most highly trained, educated, experienced, however you want to describe it, we are the best of the best at whatever we do. We each have an area of expertise crucial to building a new world… for ourselves.”

The Sheriff took a moment to piece together what he was just told.

“The other ship?”

“Is going to another planet, it contains the B team.”

“And the people left behind?”

“Are just that.”

...

“But we have the ship, we can go back. The vast majority of the population is still there!”

“We have no fuel. Honestly, I’m not even sure what fuel those things take, let alone how much or where or how to get it. All I know is that they had enough for a single one-way trip, a piece.”

“But the planet is doomed! At most they have a few years, if by some miracle a decade.”

“I know.”

The Sheriff didn’t argue. What was there to argue about? What was the point? He was here, they were there, what’s done is done. Outrage at this point won’t achieve anything.

…

…

“Sheriff, are you okay over there? You’ve been catatonic for a while now.”

*Nod.*

“So was it just you and your boy?”

*Shake.*

“You had a wife too?”

*Nod.*

He sighs, “I’m sorry man. I don’t really have a clue of how to console someone in this situation. Maybe tell me about them?”

The Sheriff’s lip seemed to pull up at one side, just barely.

“She probably would have seen this bullshit coming a mile away,” he croaked.

“Think so?”

“Oh yeah, nothing ever got by her. Not even the mercenaries.”

The suited man choked on his drink.

“What was that now? Did you say mercenaries?”

The Sheriff grinned. “That’s just what we called them. They were really just a bunch of thugs sent to scare us. They weren’t supposed to kill anyone, just make sure we got the message.”

“What message? And on whose behalf?”

“Well I suppose it’s my turn to tell a story. Do you know what my job was?”

He shrugged. “Something to do with farming is all I really know.”

“I was the head of the Wildlife Organization and Occupational Domestication and Ethics Advisory.”

“Ok, so you’re a big deal master farmer?”

“Yeah. My office dealt with the regulations for ethical sourcing and care of livestock.”

“Ah. And of course, any kind of ethical regulation is going to have enemies.”

“Bingo. So a while back, we were pushing this new bill that would have cost a number of commercial factory farms a negligible portion of their profits.”

“Bet they didn’t like that.”

“Not at all. So they hire some thugs to go to my home and intimidate my wife while I’m out of town. That alone goes to show how little they knew about who they were dealing with. See she’s a master farmer like me, but with a particular interest in sheep.”

“Sheep? So she’s a shepherd?”

“Shepherdess.”

“Like with one of those cane things and everything?”

“It’s a crook and yes. It’s her most common accessory… and weapon... a surprise to the men who showed up to harass her, expecting just some farmer’s wife and daughter.”

“Oh no…”

“Oh yes. When I finally made it home, it was to five men, bloody and bruised, tied up, chain gang style, and being forced by threat of a bovine grade taser, to collect…uh... husbandry samples… from our prized bulls and horses.”

The suited man burst out laughing.

“Yeah, the next attempt was more creative and actually hit us where it hurt.”

...

“They tried again?”

“The very next time I went out of town.... I came home to her cleaning out some stables, she was real tore up.”

“What happened?”

“Somebody poisoned the water hole.”

“No…”

“We lost her favorite horse, Bullseye, our weiner dog, Slinky, our best swine, Ham, and a bunch of others.”

...

“A bit morbid to name a pig ‘Ham’ isn’t it?”

“Oh it wasn’t because of that. It was because he was such an over-dramatic piglet and ‘Prima Donna’ would have been funnier for a sow.”

“Fair enough.”

…

“So you didn’t have any family?”

“Not anymore. I was seeing this girl, but she dumped me when I told her I was going on the voyage. She said she couldn’t wait that long. This was before they told me what the real plan was.”

The suited man pulled a silver, heart shaped locket from inside his suit.

“I had just bought her this too...”

“Wait a second, did you buy that from the going out of business sale? From… uh…” *snap snap*

...

“Al’s Treasure Barn? Sure did.”

“Small world. I bought a gold one for Bo. It was both an apology and an expression of gratitude for the voyage.”

“I bet that guy made a killing. Probably enough to get onto the voyage.”

“You think so?”

“Please... You saw the people who made it here. There were only two types, useful and rich.”

“So what you’re saying is, there are only two types of people on this world?”

The suited man was stunned. “Did you just make a joke?”

“Sure did, partner.”

...

“Speaking of partners, I noticed you brought a companion with you? Red hair? Dresses just like you?”

“Oh yeah. She’s my number two.”

“Wow Sheriff, you really do run a progressive farm, don’t you?”

He grinned. “It’s not like that. She’s my ranch hand and best friend.”

“So… not an entanglement?”

“Why? You interested?”

“Well I did see her take care of one of those other types of people yesterday. I don’t know who he was, some TV personality, they said. Apparently he said the wrong thing to her and she sorted him out right then and there.”

“Yeah... we may have to do something about that…”

“Oh, it’s alright. It sounded like he deserved it.”

“No, not that.”

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at then?”

“I’m referring to those other people. It doesn’t seem to have occurred to them that whatever status they may have held back home, won’t amount to much here.”

…

“I’m not sure I follow,” the suited man said, more alert now than he had been all night.

“I think you do. Those people tricked us, lied to us, into leaving everyone and everything we cared about. Now that we’re here with no way back, I think it’s time we corrected the status quo.”

The suited man was slow to respond.

“You’re a brave man, Sheriff...”

“It’s just something that needs to be done. Just like a lot of what I dealt with back home. I will not let this world turn into more of the same.”

“Just so long as we don’t all have to start dressing like cowboys.”

The Sheriff grinned. “Coming from the guy still wearing his suit? Obviously the air is breathable.”

“I wear it so that I can just pee whenever I want.”

The Sheriff laughed so hard his eyes began to water. “It really is the little things, isn’t it?”

“It really is…” he responded sagely. “I also happen to think they made them rather stylish. Don’t you?”

“I suppose. Mine didn’t have that big red button though, what’s it for?”

With a gleam in his eye, the man stood up and pressed the button, releasing the wings compressed on his back.

Another laugh from the Sheriff.

“Okay Mr. Spaceman, now I know you’re pulling my leg. There’s no way you can fly.”

“Well, it’s not really flying. These turbines just get me into the air the rest is just--”

“Falling,” the Sheriff finished.

“With style,” the Spaceman amended.

…

…

“Hey wait, you didn’t tell me about your boy?”

“Oh, yeah. He’s a great kid. Got a wonderful imagination. He’s the person who gave my wife her nickname… Said she looked just like the Bo Peep in the book.”

“What’s his name?”

“It’s engraved into my boots over there.”

“Your boots?”

“For the days when I need a reminder to keep moving forward.”

“To infinity and beyond...”