First One Lasted a Minute

Some people say that time is the essence of everything, I say that time is the master controlling everything. Time is unstoppable and untouchable, and we can’t control it.

It only takes a few seconds for an event to take place. Maybe it’s just a matter of perception, but most importantly, it’s about how drastically our lives can change. Sometimes, the damage is irreversible.

As time continued its never-ending march, it brought with it a change in seasons. It was a warm night, the time of the year when summer ends and fall begins. After my last class, while leaving campus and walking in the parking lot, I noticed the sun setting. The sky was a mirage of colors, from tones of light purples to darker reds.

On my way home, while driving, the beautiful sunset I had previously admired was now in my way, partially preventing me from seeing through the windshield.

Then, out of nowhere, I began to experience an overwhelming sensation all over my body. I was nervous, anxious, and disoriented for no apparent reason. It was as if something was stirring from within.

As I was approaching a traffic light, suddenly, the light turned red. The feeling of not knowing what was going on was nerve-raking. I started to look at the cars and buildings around me, but everything became blurry. I kept looking at the light hoping to see change to green, but time felt like an eternity.

The palms of my hands were so sweaty they were almost sliding off the steering wheel. My heart was racing so fast, I could hear it beating as if it wanted to jump out of my chest.

It felt uncomfortably abnormal as if I was somehow out of my own body. Time seemed to make no sense at all. It was like a scene from a movie in slow motion that I was watching from above.

I forced myself to focus on something else, pressing random buttons on the dashboard. I couldn’t ignore the fluffy monkey hanging on the rear mirror, bouncing back on forth.

The driver next to me had her windows open. She had the look of someone in a hurry. I could hear the music she was playing, but it only enhanced the uncontrollable shaking of my legs.

The driver behind was on his phone as if he was taking pictures or on a video call, the windows of his car were closed, but I could smell a distinct smell coming from his end as if he was smoking.

I couldn’t help but feel trapped in my vehicle, like a bird in a cage. I felt like a stranger in my own body, unable to put the pieces together coherently. I felt like a puppet made of paper. I felt weak and exposed like I had never felt before.

There was a unique feeling of fear as if it was showing up just in time, perfectly pairing with the agonizing feeling of despair. It filled every inch of me with poison, producing an unrecognizable pain that was slowly stealing oxygen from my chest.

My eyes were fixed on the traffic light. My thoughts were fighting with each other, my blood was boiling to the point of making my body sweat. And just like that, the light turned green, putting everything somehow back in motion.

Some people say that panic attacks are just in our heads. I say you are lucky to have never experienced one.

One can last an indeterminate amount of time. My very first one lasted a minute and forever changed my life.