Fight or Flight

I can’t believe I’m actually doing it. I swore to myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t and yet, here I am. I’m Dustin Hayes and I’m a first time flyer.

Now before you ask am I excited, the answer is no. I’m not excited, I’m scared to death. I’ve always had a fear of flying, yet I’m sitting in the coach cabin of Delta Airlines flight 4159. In the next 10 minutes my plane is gonna be airborne and while everyone else looks happy and ready to hit the airways, I’m scared as a guilty child who’s about to get the best whoopin’ of his life.

Surely you’re wondering why I’m on this flight if I don’t even like flying. Well it’s kinda complicated, buttercup. I’m a realtor for a real estate company known as Walston Century. We are based in North Carolina, but do business all over and today I’m on my way to California to close a deal. Be that as it is, this mission wasn’t mandatory, but it is a great opportunity. My boss said I didn’t have to take the trip if I didn’t want to and that he’d give the assignment to someone else for my peace of mind, but if I did that I’d be missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime. So I told myself that I was just gonna have to bite the bullet and get over my fear of flying.

It wouldn’t be a stretch to say I’m starting to regret my choice. I have bad anxiety and a million and one bad scenarios are starting to cloud my mind. What if the plane crashes? What if it gets hijacked? I mean 9/11/01 was barely 20 years ago. I know I’m being dramatic, but my nerves can’t help but catastrophize. So I’m sitting in my seat which is a window seat by the way. I’m actually glad I got this seat believe it or not. It makes me feel like I can keep tabs on what’s happening outside and if the plane is okay. Yeah I know it’s delusional, but give me a break I’m just tryna calm my nerves.

Okay so the pilot just came on the little intercom thingy and said we’re gettin ready to take off. Now I’m really cheery, not really, I’m just being sarcastic. My hands are glued to the arm rests on my seat. The plane starts moving toward the runway in an eerie silence. The other passengers around me are either smiling in mixed conversations or have their heads tilted back with their eyes closed like they’re super comfortable as the plane is getting ready to take off. As the plane approaches the runway it has a certain bounce to it, almost like its on hydraulics.

The eerie silence is now dying and I can now hear the engines begin to roar as we start taxing towards the runway. My heart is now beating at a million pumps a minute and I’m starting to sweat. All I could think about was how deeply I was starting to regret my decision now that I was on the plane, but I had reached the point of no return and there was no going back. So now the plane is on the runway and picking up speed. Ever heard of a nervous wreck? Well I’M AN ANXIOUS WRECK! Sorry for the yelling but the voice in my head just couldn’t resist.

Uh oh. Now the plane is at what feels like maximum speed. Is it happening? Yep, I think it is. We are now airborne. It feels like my heart just went up and I have now lost weight. As I look out my window I see that land is further and further away from my view. Everyone and everything below me looks like a scurry of ants. As we climb in altitude my heart feels like it’s gonna burst out of my chest, but suddenly something begins to happen. My anxiety is gradually decreasing, much like our airplane’s climb of altitude. I think we’ve reached our cruising altitude. The plane seems to be moving at a steady pace of speed.

I think I’m starting to feel a little more comfortable now, even though my hearing just dang near died, but that’s just because I have to pop my ears. Good thing I brought bubble gum with me. The pilot just came back on the little intercom thingy and told us we’ve reached our cruising altitude and that he’s gonna turn the fasten seatbelt sign off soon. I’m glad for that part because I really gotta doo doo, but wait, this is an airplane. If I go in that bathroom and drop a deuce then the next person that comes out after me is gonna know it was me, dang these bubble guts.

On the plus side I’m a good bit less scared than I was before the flight started. It looks like the flight attendants are about to start serving breakfast and by breakfast I mean roasted peanuts and a bag of pretzels, followed by a miniature can of soda, probably Coke or Pepsi. So the flight attendants bring us our “breakfast” with the most jittery smile on their faces like this plane can’t possibly just fall out of the sky. Probably because it’s not gonna fall out of the sky and I’m just bein a scaredy cat drama king again. One of em asked me if I was okay and I told them about how this was my first time flying and her fine self just told me a funny story about her first time flying and how she was scared at first like I was, but learned to love it later on. Hopefully I can reach her level of courage in the near future and when I say near future, I just mean the next 10 to 12 minutes. I guess we’ll just have to see how well these next three hours play out.

3 Hours and 30 Minutes later

Well the last three hours and thirty minutes have been rather pleasant. I’ve been sitting next to an elderly lady named Estelle who’s pretty funny and interesting. She told me that her late husband was Air Force pilot who had a drop dead fear of flying, yet he was a great pilot and kept flying as a pilot even after he left the military. That kinda put things in perspective for me. Here we have a dude who literally gave his self over to something much bigger than his individuality and even though it tugged at his greatest fear he kept doin it anyway. Hearing that makes me feel like a little weasel.

The longer my flight went over the past three hours, the more comfortable I became. I was more comfortable, not because I wasn’t afraid, but because I allowed myself to be uncomfortable in facing my fears. Yeah, I had my shaky moments, but they came and went really fast. I even fell asleep and had a funny dream that I was back on the ground and telling my wife about how funny my flight was. So the pilot just made an announcement that we’re getting ready to land soon. I can’t believe it’s already almost over. For a journey that was so long, it sure went by pretty fast.

We begin our descent into Oakland Airport. I got a little shaky again as I watched the plane go down as it was descending, but I quickly collected myself with a reminder that everything is gonna be fine. Here it is we’re about to touch down on the runway. Boom, here it is, the wheels on the plane have hit the tarmac and we have safely and successfully touch down at our destination. As we pull into the hangar I can’t help but laugh at how funny my journey has been. I was fighting my flight and it was completely unnecessary. As scared as I was before, I truly am glad that I came out and flew today.

The plane has finally stopped as we are now at our hangar. After a few minutes of waiting with our seatbelts on the pilot finally comes back on for the last time to thank us for choosing Delta Airlines and then he lets us know that the fasten seatbelt sign will be turned off as we will be directed to exit the aircraft. As we all get up, get our luggages and start walking out I turn to my right and thank Ms. Estelle who was sitting next to me for her encouraging company, in return she gave me a warm big hug as we all made our ways to the exit.

As I start walking toward the exit with my luggage my legs start to feel like jam. I say that because jelly doesn’t shake like this. I must have jet lag, plus my butt is really numb. The door is now open and now I’m walking off of the plane. As my feet touch the floor of the hangar it feels like I’m walking on new life. I exit the hangar and walk into the packed terminal of fellow flyers. Up ahead I can see my work contacts through the crowded terminal waiting for me to come meet them. When I finally reach them they ask me how was my flight. I pause for a brief moment and then I look back up at them with a smile and tell them I think I finally got my wings.

As we all leave the airport together I take one look back at the sky up above me that I just landed from and I realize that I am thankful that I chose flight over fight.