Empathy - Not on Her Watch

Empathy – Not on Her Watch

She started losing friends, one by one. She’d call and, all too often, no one would answer. Sometimes she’d call and the woman on the other end, always said she was busy and would get back to her. She never did.

Roberta couldn’t understand what was happening. She recalled her life. True, she didn’t have many friends to begin with. There were more acquaintances in her life than true friends. But still, she wondered, surely, they’re still in the neighborhood.

While Roberta often saw them while grocery shopping, they always made excuses to avoid lengthy conversations.

I still have my sense of humor, she thought. I can still make jokes out of nothing. Why, then did it seem as though people were avoiding me?

She searched her mind and her soul – and thought of nothing.

Roberta picked up her phone and called her neighbor. “Hi Cynthia. Just thought I’d call and say hello and see if you’re free any time this week for lunch.”

Cynthia lived a few doors down from Roberta and knew she couldn’t lie and say she was expecting company or that she was heading out of town. Either scenario would easily be discovered as a lie. She made up another one. “I’m sorry, I’m right in the middle of a project and can’t spare the time right now.”

Cynthia didn’t know how to tell Roberta the truth.

Roberta called another woman; one she’d known for almost thirty years. “Hey, Mary, how about we get together some time this week? We can spend the day shopping and then have lunch.”

Mary cringed. That was the last thing she wanted to do. She didn’t exactly lie when she responded with, “Gee, Roberta, my stenosis is acting up really bad and with the pain, I don’t think a day of walking in and out stores would be good for me.”

Roberta tried a few more numbers, most of which went unanswered. Yes, she left many voicemail messages, but no one returned her calls.

She asked her husband, Harold, if he’d heard anything that might indicate why she was having such a difficult time getting people to spend time with her. Being the indifferent man that he was, he answered with, “And where do I go where I would hear rumors – about you or anything?”

In June, Roberta decided to participate in a bus tour which encompassed three states in a ten-day period of time.

On that tour, she met several women who, like her, were traveling alone.

She became particularly friendly with Norma who lived part time in Roberta’s state and, for the other six months, in the Midwest. Roberta planned on making a trip in September to spend ten days with her.

A few months before her planned bus tour to various places of interest, Roberta’s husband had taken ill. While he wasn’t sick enough to warrant a visiting nurse, he was confined to as much bedrest as possible. He was extremely weak.

With the bus trip approaching, Roberta cooked and froze several meals for Harold, then packed her suitcase.

When the day approached for the trip to begin, she kissed the top of Harold’s head and said her farewells.

Those that knew her were shocked that she would even consider leaving Harold for ten days when he’d been so ill.

One of Roberta’s neighbors called Harold to check on him. He didn’t answer the phone. She called every few minutes for a span of three hours. No one had a key to their house to even go check on him.

Finally, Harold called the neighbor back and apologized for not calling her sooner. He’d been in the bathroom and his phone was in the kitchen. He never checked his phone for calls or messages until hours later.

Naturally, all of us were relieved he was okay but even more furious with Roberta for leaving him alone for such a length of time.

While I don’t know the reason, and honestly, I don’t care to know, Norma called Roberta and canceled Roberta’s trip to the mid-west.

That is just one instance that showed the lack of empathy in Roberta’s personality.

Another instance is when someone asked her if it bothered her that no one could get in touch with Harold while she was away. “No,” she responded, “after all, he did call eventually.” The woman asked, this, “How would you have felt if when you got home, Harold was dead?” Roberta responded, “Dead is dead! What could I do about it?”

The woman threw up her hands, shook her head and walked away.

While this is all personal to Roberta, she truly upset a (former) friend of hers. I use the word “former” because it was the proverbial straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. Roberta called Sharon. Sharon is a home healthcare aid who sees to the needs of a dementia patient. One day while Sharon was at work, Roberta called her. Not taking the time to check caller ID, Sharon answered. The first thing she head was Roberta’s voice asking, “So, how the whacko lady?”

Sharon’s back went rigidly straight, and her blood immediately boiled.

“Excuse me?” she said nastily.

To which Roberta replied, “The whacko lady. You know who I mean.”

Sharon’s only response was, “I’m at work taking care of my patient who happens to have an incurable disease! Gotta go!” Sharon hung up and to this day, years later, refuses to speak with Roberta.

This seems to be the normal habit of Roberta’s personality. Absolutely no empathy for anyone or anything. Her world revolves around her, and she has annoyed more people in such a short period of time than anyone could count on five hands if they had five hands.

And yet, with all the people she had known, and all the people she had aggravated, she has failed to ask those two questions: “What’s wrong with me? What did I do wrong?”

I know there is someone who is more than willing to answer them for her.

Do I feel any sorrow for her? No. She brought this on herself. As a former friend of Roberta’s, I tried telling her at least half-a-dozen times to think before she speaks. She hasn’t learned and I honestly think it’s her choice. She thinks she’s being funny. She’s not.

She has insulted my husband on various occasions. She laughed at his illnesses. She’s told me to “get over” mine when I’m in such pain, walking is difficult.

Now, Roberta is alone with only Harold to care for. His illness has gotten worse, and she is now trapped into the role of caregiver. Huh! Maybe this will be the lesson she needs to teach her some empathy.

Since I have my own health issues, I won’t be the one to find out.