Early Morning and Waning Senses

Blaring, ringing, almost a sudden deafening, the alarm went off. It was time to leave. With a sigh that slowly left my lungs, I stumbled to get up. Sliding my tennis shoes on, the cold started to settle around me. Maybe I should put on more layers. It’s too late, oh well. Prepping myself to walk outside in the freezing temperatures, I take my time while also being diligent. There’s no reason to rush but I can’t risk it, the consequences would be immeasurable. So, I grab my keys and I grab the doorknob. Creaking open, the cold winds of early February rush inside nipping at what skin is showing and kissing and the skin that isn’t.

Unwanted and unwarranted, I repeat to myself, “Mind over matter, mind over matter…”. As if that would work. Taking the 5 steps towards my car, I repeated those three words what felt like a thousand times.

Mind over matter… mind over matter…

The same routine repeated five days out of my week. It starts to blur together when you stop trying to make each day fun and exciting. Sometimes, just sometimes, you have to stop trying. You should care about your day, but it doesn't have to be all day, every day. It's impossible. Whatever you need to do, then you do.

If this mundane morning feels impossibly uninteresting, then maybe you'd be wrong. With my dreary mind running laps around an existential dilemma with no resolution, my body continued to run low on fuel. Stuttering, stopping, and on the occasion screeching to a slowing crawl.

My mind drifted along with my steering. Definitely not my proudest of moments despite its frequency. The repeated bumps threw my eyes open and my body started going static. Thankfully, a red light. I firmly held my foot on the brakes as I rubbed the vertigo from my face. Let’s just get there. If the sun were up it would help with the drowsiness, it would be too bright to be drowsy. My brain would know it’s morning time, but no it has to be dark. I have to find a new job.

After the light, the heater finally starts to kick on. The warming sensation fills my palms and equally my cheeks, only to elude my toes. Slowly but surely, I started to wake up. Feeling my eyes open wider, my heart beating faster, and my reaction time sharping up, it was just another repeat of last time.

If I didn’t have to I wouldn’t. If I didn’t have the responsibilities I had to take care of then I’d still be asleep. I guess I’m blessed or maybe just fortunate. To have a job is huge where I’m from, to keep it is a whole other deal. You’d be foolish to lose a job on your own accord, despite what the masses have shown. Respect your elders, respect your job, and respect those that put in that little bit of extra effort. Just three of the rules that have been drilled into my psyche.

By seven o'clock I'll be falling asleep again, and trying to keep my eyes awake. It's another test of time that repeats most days. Pushing forward will hopefully be enough, it usually is. Never had I had any problems before. Let's hope that today will be no different.

Finally, home again and reaching my original location. Its muted covers call my name, screaming for me to wrap itself around me. I can tell you right now, I will. I'll lay there falling back into its intoxicating grasp that refuses to let go. Now I rest my head, ever so heavily, on what addictive pillow I can find. My mind slows, my heart stops, and my eyes shut, only to be woken up tomorrow morning.