Death by Chocolate

Would you like to die a chocolate death?

Chocolate seems so innocent. Chocolate seems so sweet. Yet chocolate can be sinister. Chocolate, can mean death.

How do I know this?

I will tell you.

Two years ago, I had a friend that worked in a chocolate factory in York. Any of you that know York, will know it’s a chocolate town. Buried in this historical part of England is a chocolate making haven.

The chocolate factory that my friend worked in had a huge vat that stirred up all the molten dark chocolate for pouring into the chocolate moulds to go out in chocolate boxes around the country.

The vat was massive, towering two storeys high. And full to the brim with the best quality chocolate that you could possibly wish for.

It was in this vat that my friend Joe witnessed his sticky end.

It was late on a cold winter’s night and Joe was checking the consistency of the chocolate in the vat overhead by eye before clocking off for the night. The steam from the molten chocolate warmed his face as he looked down into the vat.

Then behind him came a clatter and he turned to see a shadowy figure lurking on the viewing platform behind him. “Hello, Joe,” said a crackling voice shrouded in a scarf: “Working late tonight I see.”

“Yes.” Said my friend Joe uncertainly. “Who are you?”

The shadowy figure shook with laughter. “I’m here to sweeten your tooth.” The figure said coldly.

The figure stood for a minute, regarding Joe coolly, precisely. Then the figure lunged towards Joe from out of the shadows. Joe flailed out wildly grabbing his assailant and bracing himself against his body weight. Here they were at an impasse, as body weight met body weight and the two of them were lodged against each other.

They stayed like this for a short time and Joe ached with the effort the whole time. However, it was then that Joe slipped on a chocolate caramel and the shadowy figure got just enough leverage to push him over the railing and into the molten vat below.

And so, Joe sank: deep, deep into the sticky sweet grave that awaited him in the factory vat.

This is how Joe met Death by Chocolate.

And I have to tell you I have no regrets now he is a life size chocolate figurine. Because you see, it was me that night that hurled Joe into the chocolate abyss. I just had to see what a chocolate factory man would become when he was fully submerged in his creation. It was curiosity really. I wanted to know whether Joe would taste as nice as the chocolates he bought me when we got together.

You see, I am not just Joe’s friend, but his ex-wife and no one asked many questions when I finally got custody of the kids, he was gorging on chocolate treats.

I loved him once. Once I wanted his name, his children, to grow old with him. Now I’m quite content to nibble on his chocolate ear and tell the children that Daddy had a terrible industrial accident.

I never let them eat chocolate cake anymore (anybody could be in it) and I never let them go to the factory. I do not want them to meet Death by Chocolate.

That fate was for their father, so he would finally be united with the food that he loved so much more than he loved me. You see, it hurts to be second fiddle to a sugary treat and now I never will be again.

Now, for me, chocolate will always mean, death.